Unlovable

Chapter 4

“Sorry I’m late. I’m off work today.” Phil smiled taking a seat next to me.

“No worries.” I replied just happy he came back again. “I’m glad you’re actually back though.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. I just thought you were being nice until you could safely get away.”

“That’s stupid. You’re not very threatening anyways. At least you don’t look to be. Is there some serial killer waiting to break free?”

“Yeah, actually. I’ve already killed seven people.” I replied rolling my eyes.

“You look too sweet to even hurt a fly. Hungry?” He asked laughing.

I nodded while he started digging around in his backpack pulling out a muffin.

“I made them myself last night after work. They’re not horrible, so hopefully you’ll manage to choke it down. If not, I brought you a water bottle too.” He babbled tossing the muffin at me.

I delicately peeled the paper off it examining my treasure. It crumbled in my lap as I placed the paper in front of me to lick after Phil left; I didn’t want him to think I’m an animal. I took a bite into the pastry chewing slowly to savor the taste, rolling it around in my mouth allowing the sweet blueberries to kiss my taste buds.

“It’s delicious. Thank you so much Phil. You really don’t have to do this for me though.” I smiled softly taking another bite into the muffin.

“I know I don’t have to. I just want to.” He smiled opening the bottle of water and taking a gulp. “You should drink some water though. No offense, but you don’t look too great.”

“Gee, thanks Phil.” I half joked pulling my duvet tighter around me feeling self-conscious.

“How long have you been out here anyways?” he asked trying to sound like he didn’t care, though the look in his eyes said otherwise.

“A few weeks. Maybe three?” I shrugged casually. “I didn’t think I’d still be here though. I thought I might have a job or something.

“Three weeks? Why don’t you just go home?! You have a home, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I guess, but I can’t go back. I ran away because—it’s a really long story. I’ll tell you another time, okay?”

“Okay.”

I popped the last bit of muffin in my mouth thankful that he wasn’t going to force anything out of me. There’s something about Phil that makes me feel comfortable. I’ve never felt this way with anyone else before and to be honest, it frightened me. No one cares about me like this so why does he?

“Drink. You need to be hydrated.” Phil ordered handing me the water bottle.

“Are you finished drinking then?” I questioned unwilling to put my mouth on it in case he wanted it back.

There’s no way he’d want to drink it after I put my grimy lips on it. He nodded as I tipped the bottle back letting the cool liquid swish around my mouth and glide easily down my throat. I didn’t want much, but the way Phil looked at me, silently willing me to drink more, I couldn’t refuse. I finished about half the bottle then set it down unable to even fathom drinking more.

“Is that all you’re going to have?” he pouted.

“Yeah, I can’t drink anymore or I’ll puke.” I replied trying not to show him how disappointed in myself I am for making him pout, even if he is joking.

He shrugged and took the bottle back about to have some when I pushed it away.

“My lips were on that. It’s not exactly clean.” I flushed bright red disgusted with my lack of hygiene.

“Do you have some rare disease that’ll make me grow another arm or a third nipple I should know about?”

“N—no?”

“Then I’m sure it’s fine to drink.” He replied laughing, taking a gulp from the bottle.

“Okay.” I whispered hugging myself under my blanket as a cold wind swept past.

Phil put the bottle down cuddling up closer to me pulled me into him rubbing his hands up and down my back to warm me up with his body heat. I nuzzled into him resting my head on his chest while my heart pounded and fluttered and  my stomach started doing flips. I tried to ignore it and concentrate on Phil’s warm body or the steady beating of his heart. He really doesn’t care how I look or how dirty I am. He’s just…trying to be my friend. I don’t know why he’d want to be friends with someone like me, but I couldn’t really care: I have a friend. My very first friend who actually cares about me! I know I shouldn’t get too attached in case Phil grows bored with me, but I can enjoy it for now.

He sat there with me for most of the day talking about his family, his job, just nothing and everything. I silently nodded and listened, not wanting to miss a word he had to say. He’s the most interesting and funniest person I’ve met without even trying and I couldn’t help but envy him. Before either of us knew it, the sun was beginning to retire alerting Phil that he should be getting home.

“Same time tomorrow?” He asked standing up.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I replied nodding.

“Stay safe, okay?”

“Okay.”

As Phil left, I couldn’t help but feel my heart sink. I know I’m being greedy; I had Phil all day, I can’t have him all night now. But I miss him already. I’ve talked to the guy for a total of two days and I already miss him when he leaves. The only thing that makes the separation bearable is knowing that he’d be back again tomorrow. The sooner I close my eyes and go to sleep, the sooner I’d see Phil again. With that in mind, I curled into a tight ball and closed my eyes hoping night would go by fast so Phil would be by my side again.