Unlovable

Chapter 9

“Good morning.” Phil greeted me as I sat up.

“Morning? I slept all day and night?” I asked looking at Phil’s clock.

Wait. Phil’s clock. Phil’s room. Phil’s bed. I slept in Phil’s bed all night. But if I was in Phil’s room…

“Oh for fucks sake. Phil, why didn’t you wake me up? Where did you sleep?”

“In the guest room.”

“The guest room? In your own house? You should have woken me. I would have slept there.”

“You were sleepy. I wasn’t going to wake you. But I’m glad you’re up now, Sweet. My parents are taking their lunch break in a few hours so we’re going on a cruise on one of the yachts for lunch. Get ready.”

I brought my hands to my eyes rubbing the sleep away hoping I didn’t look too horrible. Now that I’m not homeless there’s no reason for me not to look okay for Phil. I knew there was no arguing this anymore either. Phil wanted me to meet his parents despite how terrified I am about it. What am I going to say to them? I can’t impress them! They’re The Lesters! And I’m…a Howell. My own name sounds so dirty in my own mind compared to Phil’s name. How could Philip Lester get involved with Daniel Howell?

“I don’t even have anything to wear.” I sighed more towards myself than Phil.

“Don’t worry about it.” He smiled to himself opening his wardrobe.

For himself, he pulled out a pair of black dress pants and a sky blue button up top complete with a black tie. He turned to look at me with a sad glance.

“I’m afraid my clothes might be too big on you for right now since you’re so underweight.” He replied pulling out his phone and dialing in a number. “Hey, would you mind coming to my place for a bit? I need you to take measurements for a friend. We’re having lunch with my parents today.”

I stared at him wondering who the hell he’s talking to. Measurements for what? What am I supposed to do right now? I got out of Phil’s bed pulling the duvet over the pillows and spreading the wrinkles out. Phil finished up his conversation and turned back to me.

“You look like you’re going to pass out. Are you alright?”

“Just nervous about meeting your parents. I don’t even know how to dress for this or how to get ready.”

“Don’t worry about that.” He smiled pulling me into him wrapping his arms around my waist. “That’s why I called Maggie. She’s going to take good care of you.”

“Maggie?”

“My stylist and tailor. She’s going to take care of everything. You just stand there and do what she tells you.”

“Alright.” I nodded against his chest.

Somehow, that didn’t make me feel any better.

***

The second Maggie walked in the door with her assistants, everything went in fast-forward. She dragged me away from Phil and into a small empty room with a few random boxes. She had a tape measure and measured all around me lifting my arms, spreading my legs—doing whatever she needed writing down numbers as she went. I guess these were the measurements Phil was referring to. She handed the paper with all my measurements to one of the assistants who nodded and wordlessly walked out the door.

“What are—” I started.

“Shh. I need to think.” She cut in walking around me in a slow circle. “You’re really thin.”

“Sorry. I was living out—”

“But you’ve got good height. Very close to Philip. Open wide please.”

I looked at her other assistant wondering what the hell was going on. I was met by a stoic look so I turned back to Maggie and opened my mouth.

“We’ll work on a quick teeth whitening and bleach then. Maybe give your hair a bit of a trim.” She mumbled to herself grabbing my face in her hands. “Good facial structure though. Just a bit of make-up and the bruising and discoloration will be taken care of.”

I flinched away embarrassed she even brought that up. I know that my skin is rashed and looks awful, and I know my bruises are there, but I’d rather not be reminded. I looked to the floor wanting to curl up in a ball. I want Phil in here. I know he’s just a room over, but I miss him and he makes me feel better.

“Beautiful eyes though.” Maggie smiled, her voice softening as she tilted my chin up. “And Phil tells me you have a good heart. That’s one thing I can’t ever fix. It’s a rare thing to come by.”

I gave her a shy smile liking the softer tone she adapted. Maybe she isn’t too bad after all. After a few touch ups here and there to hide my bruises and horrible skin, the assistant came back with black dress pants (much like Phil’s), a white button up shirt and a bright red tie. I got dressed in my new attire while Maggie and her team finished up fixing my hair and smoothing out any wrinkles in my clothes.

“Simply stunning.” Maggie smiled holding me at arm’s length to get a good look at me. “You really clean up nicely young man.”

“Dan. My name’s Dan.” I smiled holding out my bony hand for a shake.

Instead, she pulled me into a tight hug resting her face against my chest as I towered over her. I slowly put my arms around her wondering if this is the right way to hug. It’s not like I’ve had any practice.

“We’ll have to work on that. Get more weight on you and spend a few more weeks with Philip and you’ll be a great hugger in no time.” She patted my back grabbing her things. “He’s waiting for you in the lounge and the limo will be here soon to take you boys out. Don’t look so worried. It’s their leisure yacht so it’s not as fancy as the others. You’ll probably be seeing me more in the future so until next time Daniel.” She rushed giving me a slight bow before she was out the door just as fast as she came.

I stared at the door waiting for her to come back in, but when she didn’t I figured I should venture out to find Phil and maybe get a proper look at myself. I slowly and carefully walked out of the small room as my legs shook in protest. I still had to get more nourishment in me but at least I can sort of walk on my own. Happy with the very little strength I gained from yesterday, I walked past a hall mirror on my way to the lounge to greet Phil. I stopped for a moment staring at the reflection wondering who was staring back. I mean, it’s me. I know how mirrors work, but it isn’t me. The thing staring back—I can barely recognize me. It’s even worse than my beaten and bruised form because I look sort of human. My bone structure is still quite prominent on my face and despite the make-up, it’s still easy to see where my skin swelled because of bruises. My lip had a slit down the middle from a mixture of the weather and being beaten by my drunken father the other night. Despite being measured for my clothes, they still looked baggy—like a small child playing dress up with their parent’s all too big clothes. I stormed into the bathroom ripping the towel down from the bar and began wiping the cover up off me. I rubbed away any airbrush, powder, and whatever else Maggie used to make me look normal.

“Sweet?” Phil questioned walking into the bathroom. “What are you doing?”

“I looked too human.” I replied turning to face him once all the make-up was gone.

“You are human.” He replied still confused.

“No, I’m not. I’m a monster—like the monster from Frankenstein. Unwanted, hated, and feared by everyone. You can’t put a bow on me and call me human because I’m still…a monster.” I sighed looking at my reflection again.

“People didn’t understand the monster. He just wanted to love. Wanted to be loved. But he never got that from Victor since he turned him away through no fault of the “monster”. He beat it and cast it away like it was nothing. Like it had no feelings. And no matter what that little guy did—no matter how hard he tried helping and being good—everyone turned him away not even giving him a chance because they didn’t like the way it looked. Who’s really the monster there?” Phil asked softly wrapping his arms around me. “You’re not a monster, Dan. Not to me.”