Unlovable

Chapter 5

It’s been about a month and a half that I’ve been on the streets. Phil visits me close to every day. The only times he doesn’t is when he’s running late for work and can’t stop. Despite the food he’s been giving me, I’ve been getting noticeably weaker and thinner. I try to hide myself in my duvet so he won’t see how badly my body is deteriorating. Snow has started to fall making it harder for me to stay warm and dry. Phil has asked a couple times if he could take me to a soup kitchen or church for help, but I always politely refuse. I still haven’t told Phil why I left home; I don’t want him to hate me or think I’m a screw up too. I could handle my dad hurting me, but if Phil were to as well I don’t think I’d be able to cope.

“Hey Sweet!” Phil greeted using my nickname he gave me after deciding I wasn’t an evil demon murderer.

Plus, in his mind, it seemed fitting after our first meeting when he decided I was different. He called me ‘sweet’ and the name just stuck.

“Hey.” I smiled sitting up right.

“How are you feeling today?” he asked taking a seat next to me.

“I’m okay. A lot happier since you’re here now.” I sighed leaning into him.

“So I heard about this one organization just a few blocks from here. They’ll feed—”

“I can’t Phil. I’m sorry.”

“Is it some sort of pride thing?”

“No, I—”

“It’s okay to accept help. You’re getting help from me. Don’t be too proud, Dan, or you’re going to die out here.”

“Maybe that would be for the best.” I mumbled under my breath hoping Phil wouldn’t hear.

“Wh—what?”

“Nothing.”

“No, I heard that. I don’t want—it wouldn’t be for the best Dan. Come on, we’re going and I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”

He bent down and scooped up my bony body in his arms leaving my duvet on the ground while I tried to wiggle out.

“No, Phil! Please put me down! Please! I can’t go!”

He ignored my protests holding me tightly to him and continued to walk, taking long strides earning stares wondering why this boy is carrying a disgusting street rat.

“Phil! I’m not too proud to accept help, I can’t take it. Or—bad things will happen.”

“Bad things are going to happen if you don’t get help Dan. We’ll try it out and if you don’t like it, then fine, we won’t go back.”

He smiled triumphantly as we approached the building that was supposed to ‘help’ me. My heart pounded hard in my chest as he closed the space to my impending doom.

“Hi Philip!” A lady behind the desk greeted. “Are you Daniel?” She asked me as Phil still held me in his arms.

I nodded and buried my face into Phil’s chest clutching a part of his shirt in my fist taking in his scent smelling so familiar, though I just can’t quite place it.

“Phil told me about you. He’s a great friend, you know that?”

I nodded again wanting to run and hide and cry. I hated how she was talking to me like I was a child or I didn’t know what Phil’s done for me. Of course I know. He cares about me more than anyone else in my life, but that’s the problem. Why does he care so much?