By My Hand

Untitled Part 9

Fred exhaled slowly. Eyes closed sheswallowed hard. Water ran over her body as she hugged her knees toher chest on the floor of the shower. This was the price she knewshe'd have to pay, what she knew would happen coming back here.

It was Vincent's body she remindedherself, attempting to justify it. She shook the image from her mindas she pulled her hands through her soaked hair. It may have beensomeone else's mind, something else's intentions but it was Vincent'sbody, familiar, safe. She'd said 'no'. She'd screamed it, foughtit, fought him and it hadn't changed anything. He'd held her there,held her down... beyond helpless, beyond weak, no one coming to herrescue. The wolf caged, struggling against restraints, the real horror of being less than...

Another deep breath, his cologne stuckin her nose. No. She fought the wave of nausea that crawledup her throat. Tile, water, scentless that was all that remained. Fred felt his hands on her throat, on her... No, he's not herenow. She was alone, he'd left. If she saved him in the end,what wouldn't she do? What wouldn't she let him do to her? It wasfor the greater good wasn't it? This was okay, it had to be. She hadto find a way to make this not...wrong. We can rationalizeanything can't we? They didn't speak, those tendrils just wrappedthemselves around her, trying to comfort her.

Tears stung her eyes. It was worse,worse than she thought it would be, the feel of Vince's hands onher body almost burned they were so cold. He was indifferent,didn't even think of her as alive struggling beneath him, he seemedto look right through her. Fred had tried to pretend it was Vincent,tried to convince herself to...enjoy it. She wretched at thethought.

Every second she'd had with Rafaelhad been intense, wonderful and stolen. They'd spent their youthtogether sneaking around, unable to be together when they wanted mostof the time, lying to everyone about their relationship. It had beena strange sensation for her at , going to bed with Vincent everynight, his chest pressed to her back, arms wrapped around her, nosneaking around. Even the last few weeks with Rafael felt stolen,the universe just giving her a taste of life again, almost like anapology, knowing this was where she was going to end up again. Fredlet loose the scream that had built in her chest, screw what Vincethought about it.

Tamsin's chest tightened. She hadmaintained small connection to Winifred despite the utter lock downshe kept herself under, just enough to stay minimally aware ofWinifred. It hurt, Winifred was hurt... somehow.

It was involuntary, unavoidable,Tamsin clutched at her chest, gasped and stumbled backwards from it. "Fuck!" She snarled trying to stay on her feet that threatenedto give out under her. Rupert threw an arm around her trying tosteady her. Breathing was a momentary struggle, coming in greatheaves while her muscles twitched and tensed in protest. Tamsinclutched at the counter to ground herself.

"What's wrong?" Rupert asked,legitimate concern in his voice.

Tamsin leveled a glare at Rafael. "Fred." Tamsin grabbed the tequila bottle and chugged a third ofit, anything to wash the taste of those feelings out of her mouth.

"What's happening to her!" Hisheart was racing, panic.

"I don't know. As I've been tryingto explain, she's a fucking fortress and won't let me in." Tamsinshook it off. The disgust, and shame Winifred felt were clearindicators to her of exactly what had happened. Tamsin could guessexactly what had happened to Winifred, she just hoped she was wrong."I need someone she trusts to convince her to talk to me."

They'd been going round and round onthe issue. Tamsin didn't want to risk Vincent over hearing them,having an actual sit down conversation with Winifred was too risky,getting into her head, was safest despite being more difficult.