Lams stories

Chapter 5

More depressing shit coming your way folks 

TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, ptsd,abuse,drugs,smoking,rape,fluff

Narrator:

It was around 1 am and Peggy left 20 minutes ago, John said he was going to go to sleep and Alex was still up, insomnia eating him alive.

Alex's PoV:

I was sitting there staring at me computer worried out of my mind, losing control, my thoughts kept flooding into my mind wrecking it. 

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut

Fuck it 

I grabbed a blade from my bag and looked over my shoulder to make sure John was asleep. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me, was I really about to throw away the fact I was 1 weak clean? Yes. 

I rolled my sleeve up above my elbow. And just then I plunged the blade deep into my skin wincing at the pain, but at least I felt something. I watched my skin rip, my blood bead up at the seam and trickle down my arm dripping into the sink. It's that moment when you exhale and feels like you've been punched in the stomach, when water stings at your eyes and burns but refuse to drip down your face and disappear leaving you empty, when all of the moisture leaves your mouth and it becomes completely dry. 

You'll never be anything

Slice 

You deserve nothing

Slice

You should kill your self 

Slice

Die

Slice

It was your fault

Slice

It's your fault you family died 

Slice 

Slice

Slice

Slice

Slice

Slice

Slice

The blade clattered to the floor blood stained while my memories flooded my mind

I backed up against the wall as it faded to black

JAMES!?JAMES WHERE ARE YOU?! 

JAMES COME BACK!? 

tears burned my face as I coughed and sputtered 

I took one of my hands off the branch 

JAMES PLEASE COME BACK!

his body flowed down the river, his blood surrounding him in the water . His eyes closed, his body unmoving, he was dead.

James... no 

NO JAMES WHY?!

I woke up on the bathroom floor sweating and bleeding out

Holy fuck

I tried to clear my mind as I washed the blood off my arm, the water stung an the unbearable pain was a distraction.

I rolled my sleeve down and walk back into the room grabbing a cigarette and walking to the balcony. I gently close the door behind me not wanting to wake John