This Is Forever.

I feel empty

Coldness

Coldness is what Clarke feels when she wakes, instantly shooting up from the cot , looking around she can easily figure out she's in a tent she stands and starts to make her way out of the tent when she gets out she see's the sun is nearly gone. As she looks to her left she sees all of her friends sitting around a fire cooking what looks like some fish, making her way over Raven and Octavia finally notice her they stop their conversation and everyone turns to Clarke.

"What?" She asks confused on why everyone was looking at her with. . . sympathy? Raven finally stood and made her way towards Clarke.

"Do you remember anything Clarke?" Raven asked with a calm and gentle voice.

" What are yo-"

Flashback

"You loved her, didn't you Clarke?"

"Of course I did and now here you are so please imagine my pain when I see you acting like her and your not really MY Lexa!"

Flashback over

" What did I say about her?" Clarke was completely embarrassed and...surprised she thought she had gotten through Lexa's death but in reality she has yet to grieve over her lover.

"Clar-"

"WHAT DID I SAY!"

" You said you couldn't do this without her and you missed her so much and then..." Raven couldn't bring herself to finish, not knowing what Clarke's reaction would be if she told her the rest.

"Then what Raven?" Clarke could feel the tears brimming her eyes

" Then you said, Lexa please come back , I cant please come back." Raven states not looking into Clarke's eyes.

Octavia stood up and made her way over to Clarke and Raven calmly standing next to Raven she finally spoke.

"We never knew you guys wher-"

"We weren't we never could have been because she was the Commander... no one knew but my mother and him."  Clarke couldn't even bring herself to say his name.

Indra stood up and walked over hearing Clarke's words.

" Who is him Clarke?" Indra asked

"Titus... he killed her....he took her away from me. It was my fault she's dead he even said it himself." Clarke felt the tears slip down her cheek. Raven's head shot up as she heard Clarke say it was her fault.

"Clarke it wasn't your fault." Raven stated

" YES IT WAS I GOT HER KILLED IF I WOULDNT HAVE... If I would have just left. If I wouldn't have said goodbye and left when Octavia told me we should have....she would still be here. I killed her me, like Titus even said he may have pulled the trigger but..I was the one who killed her."

"You didn't kill her Clarke." Octavia said in a calm voice putting her fingers under Clarke's chin to make her look at her.

"Yes I di-"

" NO, tell me something would you have rather leaving knowing you loved her not showing her you loved her you are who you are today because of her."

" I could..." Clarke couldn't stop her brain from going to all the things she could be doing right now with Lexa.

" You could have what."

" I could have waited to show her, to tell her, because now I can't love her or kiss her or hug her or make her smile... tell me Octavia, If I would have left with you right when you told me we needed to leave do you really think she wouldn't be alive right now, I could have... I could have waited and I didn't and that was the biggest mistake I could have ever made because now she's dead." Clarke sobbed Raven and Octavia knew it was true, if Clarke would have left with Octavia Lexa would most likely still be here to this day