Chapter Fourteen

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You felt someone's arms wrap around you as you slept. Opening your eyes, you saw Bucky's smile, "Hey you," he said, kissing the top of your head. You immediately startled awake. It was unusual for them to return home without warning, especially this early in the morning/late at night. 

"How was your mission?" you said, "Is everything okay?" you sat up in your bed and switched on your lamp.

"Yeah doll I'm all good," he said, his lips softly pressing against yours.

"Good," you said, wrapping your arms around him, "I missed you,"

"I missed you too," he said, brushing his fingers through your hair. You curled up against him as he switched your light back off, kissing your neck. 

You woke up in Bucky's arms, feeling his metal arm across your body you looked over to see him in a deep sleep. Not wanting to wake him you stayed silently in his arms. His nightmares had started to ease as more memories came back to him, but sudden sounds and movements could trigger a nightmare so you tried to stay as still as you could.

Feeling him slowly start to move, you kissed his cheek. "Hey doll," he said, smiling at you. He was so pretty. You went to move from his arms but he winced when you moved your leg.

"I thought you said you were okay?" you said, starting to worry.

"No I'm fine," he said. You raised your eyebrows at him, "I'm fine doll," he was telling you to lay off it. But you started to worry. The fears of earlier that morning coming back. Was that why he came back so early? Because he was injured? 

"What happened?" you asked.

"Nothing," he said.

"Fine I'll go ask Steve," you said, getting out of the bed and pulling on a hoodie. You felt Bucky's gaze on you as you brushed your hair. "Seriously doll," he said, "I'm fine, drop it," you ignored him and left the room to find Steve.

Surprisingly the tower was empty, there were no voices or no one around. You knocked on doors to people's rooms but no-one answered. There was no equipment back and everything was exactly how it had been left. You headed back to your room, to find Bucky sat in front of the mirror, using tissues to wipe blood from a cut along his thigh. An old bandage discarded on the floor. 

"Oh my God," you said, rushing over to him. He flinched every time the tissue would touch the wound, "What happened and where is everyone?"

"Okay don't freak out," he said, you rolled your eyes, you were already pretty freaked out. "But I got injured so I was brought back in a SHIELD jet," he said. The cut wouldn't stop bleeding and you looked over to the bandages on the floor.

"Bucky why didn't you just tell me," you said, he looked so sad when he looked at you.

"I don't want you to look at me with pity Y/n," he said, "I get that from everyone else," he looked at the floor as you looked away. "I'd rather you hate me,"

"Bucky I'm sorry," you said, placing your hand on his arm, "I just care about you," he kept looking at the floor. You wanted him to say something, but he didn't. He was staring at nothing, like when a memory came back to him, usually they triggered him but a small smile crept to his lips before a tear slipped down his cheek.

"I remember how they looked at me when I wore the uniform, like I was the hero of America, saving the world and all, the way Steve looked at me," his eyes locked on yours, "But now it's like everyone looks at me like oh he's been through so much isn't he strong, and I know they don't mean it but I hate it,"

"I'm sorry Bucky," you said, "I still think you're a hero,"

"You're the only one," he said.

You gently grabbed his hand. He wiped away a tear from his eye. "You don't have to put up barriers with me Bucky," you said, "I want to help you, I want to know that you're okay,"

"I know," he said, "I know that," you pulled him into a hug, he wrapped his arms around you and lent his head on your shoulder. You could hear him trying to silently cry and you just held him there.

You stayed in his embrace for a while, until he pulled away. "How'd you end up with a mess like me huh?" he said, trying to smile. You wiped a tear from his cheek.

"You're not a mess," you said. He smiled at you, "Come on let me take care of this wound, can you walk to the medical bay okay?"

"Yeah," he said, his eyes still trained on you, you made him feel like the luckiest guy in the world, he didn't deserve you. But something about you told him that you wouldn't give up on him, even when he gave up on himself.

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"Hey do you want to grab some coffee or something?" said Bucky, as you finished putting bandages on his leg.

"Sure," you said.

Walking back to the tower, your hands wrapped around a steaming cup of coffee and the snow falling you watched as Bucky took in the New York Christmas. People singing carols, which usually you would get sick of, but that was because you were running last minute errands for your dad. But taking it all in, and seeing it like Bucky did, it was beautiful. Everyone seemed happy at Christmas.

When you got back to the tower you could hear the sound of voices. "Exactly how early were you?" you said.

"A couple days, I don't know," said Bucky, "Oh yeah they're back, we were pretty close but Steve wouldn't let me stay because I was injured," you agreed with Steve, glad that Bucky had been brought back early. You would have been mad if they'd forced him to stay on injured during a particularly difficult mission. 

You walked into the kitchen. "Hey guys," you said, "I didn't expect you to be back this early,"

"Well Christmas is in five days," said Tony, flipping a pancake, "So I had to come back to Christmas shop, since I gathered you wouldn't do it for me,"

You rolled your eyes as you sat at the kitchen island, Bucky stood behind you with his arms wrapped round you. "Here," said Tony, handing you a plate with a stack of pancakes.

"Thanks," you said questioningly, you poured on the syrup and cut into it. Suddenly, the thought of putting it in your mouth made you want to throw up, not wanting to show something was off, you started eating.

"Oh God," you said, feeling your stomach flip, you ran out the kitchen and to the bathroom, slamming the door behind you.

"Doll, are you okay?" said Bucky, "talk to me sweetie" you rinsed your mouth with water as you finally stopped being sick. Looking in the mirror, you noticed how tired you'd been looking recently. You'd been tired all week. What the hell was the matter with you?

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