To Find You

14

I'm sat in my living room, finishing off what is left of the ice cream in the tub.

Today is Wednesday and it's been radio silence from Nicky over the past two days. My one personal day, turned into two when Anna rang me this morning, letting me know that he wouldn't be coming in today.

I'm not quite sure what's happening, or why he feels the need to keep it from me. And at this rate, I don't know if getting into some kind of relationship or whatever we're doing is the best idea.

Did we rush into this?

It all feels so fresh and new.

We literally only met a month ago and even though we've only been on two dates, our connection is unbelievable. We get on so well, and all our interactions are effortless - whether it be working together in the office, lounging around as we did on Sunday, or just sitting silently and enjoying each other's presence, it's easy with him. Seamless.

This is a new feeling for me, all my other relationships developed slowly over time. I'm a shy person and so it took well over a month for me to even get to this level of comfort that came so naturally with Nicolas. He feels like home.

Did we rush into this?

It all feels so fresh and new. And yet, at the same time, it's comfortable.

What does irk me slightly, however, is the fact that he hasn't even shot me a text just to say "I won't be in for a couple of days, sorting myself out". I know he doesn't exactly owe me an explanation, at least not immediately, it's not like we're together or something. But I really did expect a short note or text, hell- he could have even sent Anna with a message!

I'm sure he's feeling way more overwhelmed than I am, so you know, there's that. But that doesn't stop my feelings from being just as valid, no?

"Ugh, I don't know!" I think as I groan and curl up on the couch. Hugh Grant's voice in 'Notting Hill' on my tv drones on and on about making a mistake as I think myself into a stupor.

Now that was a dysfunctional relationship. But even they managed to work it out.

Sighing and deepening my sulking episode, I hear three frantic knocks on my door.

Pushing off my side, I wrack my brain, confused because it's midday on a Wednesday? Why is anyone banging down my door?

Reasoning that it must be Ash because she's the only one who has such a weird schedule and therefore, can show up here whenever she likes.

She must be coming over here to check up on me after the painful FaceTime call we had last night, I guess as I go to open the door - barely dressed in just a massive T-shirt and underwear. I look like a right mess but honestly? Ash has seen me in worse. Besides, it was such an upheaval of emotions, what can anyone really expect?

On getting to the door, I swing it open not bothering to look through the peephole and I'm met with an extremely disheveled Nicolas, hand curled up into a fist hanging halfway between his body and the door. His eyes are glossy and frantic, darting across my face like he can't figure out where he would like them to rest. His hair is sticking up in multiple directions as his fingers push through for what looks like the thousandth time and his shirt looks as though it was chosen and buttoned while on an extremely topsy turvy ship.
In the dead of night.
With no electricity.

I can feel my expression melding into one of confusion as we both stand there assessing the situation. Suddenly, I see his eyes drop to my legs and I remember that I'm effectively pantsless.

Great.

I quickly pull behind the door, rolling my eyes at the cliched moment and Nicolas immediately begins apologising.