Reptile - Janus Angst

Chapter Ten

...waiting for insults, laughter, some kind of negative reaction.

He was surprised when Patton pulled him into a hug.

"Oh my god, Janus, you weren't worried we would react badly to this, were you?" Patton said softly with his arms wrapped around Janus' chest.

"N-No," Janus mumbled quietly into Patton's shoulder.

He started crying again.

The others came and sat with them on the bed, joining in on the hug, reassuring Janus that they weren't bothered by his more snake-like appearance.

They stayed like that until Janus managed to calm down and pulled himself free of their embrace, wiping away the remains of his tears.

Patton looked at him with sad eyes.

"Janus, I'm so sorry, this is our fault," he said quietly.

Janus looked at him through his slightly blurry vision.

"H-How is it-"

"We messed up," Roman chimed in. "We spent years ignoring you, then spent time talking with you and hanging with you, then we ignored you again. We confused you didn't we?" he asked in an apologetic tone.

Oh my god, Janus thought. They thought that...

He laughed, only to regret it at the stabbing pain that came into fruition in his side.

"No no, t-that's not it," Janus told them. "I wasn't confused. I was h-honestly glad you were backing off again. I didn't really want you seeing me like..."

He trailed off and indicated his body with a sad smile.

"Why would we care if you looked like this?" Logan asked, confused.

Janus rubbed his arms and shook his head.

"I don't know. I was just s-so convinced that..."

Silence.

"Convinced of what?" Thomas asked, edging a little closer to Janus and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Janus looked at him then back down at his knees. He took a deep breath and continued.

"I was convinced that... none of you would look at me the same again, deem me as untrustworthy again... force me into the shadows again."

They all looked at him, horrified that he would even consider such a thought.

Patton pulled him into another, tighter hug. One that Janus' weak and tired body couldn't break free from.

"Janus, we would never do that! I'm so sorry that you had to struggle with that thought," he told him as he ran a hand through his hair.

Virgil came closer.

"Jan, I'm sorry too. This is really all my fault."

Patton loosened his grip so Janus could turn to Virgil.

"How?"

That was a question they all wanted the answer to.

Virgil played with his hoodie sleeves.

"When I left the dark sides, I left you as the only capable, responsible side there. But we were still so young and you had to grow up looking after Remus and... him. I think I left you to get stuck in a mindset of 'I don't need help, I can do it alone' and that's really not healthy. Then, when you got accepted, suddenly everyone was so nice and supportive - something I'm guessing you weren't used to?"

Janus slowly shook his head. He hated admitting to this but he found that he just couldn't disagree.

Virgil nodded and bit his lip.

"Figured."

"It's ok, Vir-"

"No, it's not. I shouldn't have left, I should've helped you," Virgil muttered angrily.

Janus chuckled softly.

"How long has that been eating at you?" he asked jokingly.

Virgil smirked back.

"A long time."

Silence.

"But enough of my pity party. This is supposed to be about... whatever the heck is happening to you," he said.

"Yes, that's something I'd... also like to know."

He'd had to stop in the middle of the sentence to stifle a yawn, a sudden drowsiness overcoming him.

Patton smiled in a fatherly way and laughed.

"Aww is our lil snake tired?"

What was left of the human half of Janus' face blushed a bright red.

"D-Don't you dare patronise me!" he said as he tried to get out of Patton's grip.

Virgil snickered into his hand.

Thomas, Roman, and Remus grinned at him.

Logan smiled softly.

"I'm guessing that, after a long period of stress, your mind is finally relaxing," he said. "It's probably best if you sleep for a bit."

He didn't want to admit it but Logan was probably right.

"Fine," Janus said quietly.

Patton relaxed his grip on Janus and Janus let himself fall back onto his mattress, now acutely aware of the others looking at him.

He smiled slightly then snapped his fingers.

They all heard the sound of his door unlocking behind them so they could leave.

Logan, Remus, and Thomas all got up and left the room. Roman, Patton, and Virgil stayed.

Janus sat back up.

"Can I help you three with something?" he asked with a slight smirk.

Patton smiled at him.

"Just know that we're never leaving you alone like that again," he said.

"Me leaving the dark sides and you alone was probably the biggest mistake I've ever made. I will not repeat it," Virgil said with a firm but friendly tone.

"We were supposed to make you feel welcomed and at home but... we didn't do a great job of that, eh?" Roman said with an awkward laugh.

Janus smiled at all of them but he couldn't leave it there.

"Isn't this basically what you all just said in our conversation?" he said, some of his sass returning.

The three smiled and laughed awkwardly then turned to leave.

"Just holler if you need anything," Virgil called over his shoulder.

Then they left, closing the door softly behind them.

Janus, again, fell back onto his mattress. His head hit the pillows and he found he couldn't keep his eyes open a moment longer.

He fell asleep with a weight off his shoulders and a warm feeling running through his cold, pain filled body.