Red

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

Jacob

We're having a baby. She's pregnant with our baby. All that passionate love making we spent hours after hours doing, has created a tiny human and I'm fucking terrified. Well, it was only one of those times, but still.

I don't know what's more terrifying, the fact she could decide to abort our baby if she doesn't want it, or the reality of what will happen if we do keep it and we have to finally tell her father. I love her. There's no mistaking that, so I don't care for his thoughts or opinion. All that matters is us. But that's easier said than done, because he will care and he will have a strong opinion. One that neither of us are going to like. But that's not stopping me from being with her.

I've devoted my entire studies and teenage life to being the successful lawyer that I am, but what's the point in working for such a high class, well known company, if you can't come home every night to your dream wife and baby, and not be able to use that money to treat them. Seriously, what is the fucking point?

I know we should probably think this through, but I don't need to. I know the pros and cons of a baby, but quite frankly all the cons lead to a pro or are just life. I want to be with Rhiannon and I want our baby. And I'm determined to prove it to her.

Even if right now she looks green with sick, and I'm not sure if it's the morning sickness she's clearly experiencing, or the fact that she's terrified over our situation. I'm still going to prove to her.

I sit next to her at the dining table and pass her a cup of de-caffeinated coffee. She's not allowed caffeine now she's pregnant, so why not start as soon as possible.

We're both silent for a second before she opens her mouth.

"We need to talk."

I'm halfway through reading the one leaflet when I freeze at her suggestion. I know we need to talk, but our definitions of talk are clearly different. She doesn't seem as excited as I am.

Either way, I agree and allow her to start. "Of course."

"So, a baby." She huffs out a deep breath before wiping a stray tear away. My initial reaction is to cuddle her, so I do. As soon as my arms wrap around her, she balls her eyes out soaking my shirt.

"Shhh, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay, baby."

She shoots her head up, anger swimming through her eyes. "How is it going to be okay, Jacob? My dad will never allow this! What I want doesn't even matter, because he won't let it!"

Frozen for words, I gape at her. She's still crying buckets, even though she just screamed the hell at me. I'm surprised she's still got the energy. But fuck. She's right but he's not controlling our lives, I've had enough of his shit.

"Firstly, what we want does matter. And I want this baby. I want you and I want our baby. I don't give a shit what your dad says because to be quite honest, it's not his life. It's ours."

She squeezes her eyes shut the same way she did in the doctors room, and shakes her head. "We can't Jacob. You know this. He'll kill you, I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"So you'd kill our baby instead?" I feel my own tears pricking my eyes, because that thought just breaks me. But I know she wouldn't, I know she doesn't want to do that. I can feel it and see it inside her. She wants the exact same I do.

"No, I wouldn't. I won't. But I don't know what to do! We can't be together, we should never have tried, Jacob. We've literally just fucked ourselves up by doing this. We should never have done it. This has just proved how stupid we were, how reckless."

Stupid? Reckless? Uh-uh. I don't think so. We have not been reckless. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. Because she means the fucking world to me.

"Look at me," I drop to my knees and pull her hands to my mouth, dropping kisses all over them. Her tears drop onto my nose as I do so but I don't care. "You're everything I want. I'd do this all over again. I love you, Rhiannon Rose Red. And whether you like it or not, this is happening. You know you want this, you want our baby I can feel it. You want our baby just as much as I do, and we can do this together. If your dad doesn't agree, then fuck him. I'm sure once he realises he's missing out on his grandchild's life, he'll stop being the petty man he is and accept us. Because I refuse to live without you both, I love you so much."

I feel my own tears drop as hers intensify. She doesn't say a single thing, just grips my hands in hers and balls her eyes out more. I'm hoping it's happy tears and that she's realised I'm right. But I know she wants this, I just do. Whether she admits it or not.

"You love me." I nod at her. "And you want our baby. You want to risk your job, your future, for me?"

Oh no.

She shakes her head as she begins to stand. I jump in front of her because I know what she's about to do.

"Don't you dare walk out of here."

"You know me so well." She grips my cheeks in her hands as she speaks. "We can't do this, Jacob. I love you too, but we just can't. It's over. I'm sorry." She turns to walk away and I grab her waist.

"No, don't do this. You just said you love me. I love you." My hands are sitting on her tummy, tingling from the thought of our baby growing in there. But she pulls my arms away and goes towards my room for her things.

"Rhi, you're not thinking rationally. Stop." I jump to get her things first, pushing her onto the bed. "No, you're not walking away from me. What about our baby?!" I can't help yell the latter. The thought terrifies me that she could walk out that door and kill our baby. I can't let her do that. I know it's her body, and I respect whatever she wants because of that, but I know deep down she wants this. She's running when she doesn't need to.

"Give me my things!" Her demeanour has completely changed, her tears have dried and she's dripping with anger instead.

"No! What about our baby!"

"We can't have it! It's my body! I'll do what I have to do, we're over Jacob. End of! You either give me those things or I'll walk out without them!"

Her words almost send me tumbling to the ground, she wouldn't. She would never do this to us and our baby. No way. I know she wouldn't. My head goes dizzy and I drop her things to stable myself against the wall. This is why I refused to date, refused to meet anyone. I'll get hurt, my career will be ruined and I'll have nothing. How could she does this?

"I'm sorry, I love you-"

"Go!" I've heard enough from her mouth. The girl I know would never have said such cruel things and wouldn't do such a cruel act if she really loved me. I can't stand to look at her any longer, there's no point trying to change her mind, she's clearly set on her intentions.

"I really do love you, Jacob. And our baby. But I just can't do this to you." I don't bother to look up as she walks out the bedroom door and leaves me alone. I feel my heart physically break as the front door shuts, and nausea whirls it's way through me. I'm in the bathroom in seconds. I'm still baffled by how she could do this, but with her father being the way he is, I'm not too surprised. I should never have done this from the beginning, she was right.