Red

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

Rhiannon

The humid air heats my face and almost makes me sick again. I already feel physically sick from what I just did, I'm surprised I haven't actually threw up yet. My words keep spinning round my head, making me more dizzy by the second. I told him it was over. That I was going to abort his baby. When in fact, I can't do that. I won't do it. Because deep down I really want this baby, and I want him but I can't have him. I also can't let my parents know I'm pregnant. I have to leave. I have enough money stashed away in a private bank account that my parents cannot access or track. But first, I need to have a plan.

Right now, it's eight in the evening and I can't make a decision on the streets. I need a place to stay. I swivel my head left and right, looking for somewhere. There's a hotel right in front of me, extremely close to Jacobs place, but it will have to do. I need somewhere I can cry and let all my emotions out, because I've just ruined the best thing and person to ever happen to me. And I know I'll never get him back even if I wanted to.

The way he looked at me as I said those disgusting words to him, knocked me sick. I deserved that look, I deserve his hate. What I've done is unforgivable and there's no way I could try make it better. Because we still can't be together. I refuse to ruin his life. My dad will probably kill him, or at least find someone to do the unlawful act for him. I know what he's capable of, not to forget he has the money to do it.

I slide through the doors of the hotel, it's modern and even looks quite expensive but I've got dads credit card I can use for that. All my saved money is too important, I need to buy flight tickets yet.

The lady behind the desk gives me a big smile and I'm reminded again of the smile the doctor gave me, reminding me I'm pregnant, and reminding me I broke my own heart. Jesus, how could such a positive act cause such negativity?

"Can I have a room for one please."

She types something in on the computer before nodding. "Yes, we've got a room on the third floor. Is that okay?"

"Sure."

She sorts the card and all the information packs they're obliged to provide, and escorts me to the elevators.

"Here you go, have a great night."

"You too." I give her a big fake smile, before slipping inside the cart. I cannot wait to get into bed, my legs ache and I'm sure I'm about to be sick again. I wouldn't be surprised after all that.

I find my room at the end of the hallway and instantly pull out my MacBook. I rarely take it with me, but because I was ill I thought I might be at Jacobs for a few nights longer than usual. I search the safari for flights to LA and almost lose my eyeballs at the price. It's the only place I have family other than my parents. And where I know they won't tell mom and dad either. I tap the keyboard as I think. What are my other options?

None. I have no other options, I have to do this. I pay the four hundred dollars instantly and send the link for my tickets to my email. Then I grab a scrap of paper and write everyone a note. I consider whether to write one to Jacob, after all, my plan does involve him. I'm not aborting our baby, I'm going to keep him/her. I weigh up my options, realising that if I do mention that detail he will try find me. Not that he would succeed, but he would try. I decide to write moms and dads first before I decide if I'm going to.

It takes me ten attempts before I get it perfect. I'm sure they will be fuming once they read it, but as long as Jacobs okay I'm not bothered about how it affects them. It's my life. They don't need to know anything else and I'm protecting who's important.

I write dear Jacob.... and try hold back a yawn. I'm exhausted but I need to do this. He deserves to know this, and maybe one day we can be together again if he can forgive me. But right now, I need to protect him and our baby.

As soon as the pen hits the paper I start writing, it's probably a mess and confusing but as long as he knows what he needs to, then it's okay. I'm hoping he's not stupid enough to confess all to my dad and show him this note, but then if I know Jacob as well as I think I do, he won't. Especially if he knows it benefits me not to. I smile at how perfect he is and it aches. Why did I have to be such a cruel bitch? There were probably so many different ways I could have done this, but it just felt like the only one.

I mentally slap myself for bringing it up again and place my notes to the side. I'll post them in the morning before my flight, and then I'll sort out getting a new phone too. I'll have to keep my laptop but I'm hoping my dad doesn't have a tracker on it. I know for a fact he's somehow got one on my phone so I'm not even going to risk that. Plus, I don't want the endless calls from them all begging me to come home. Predominantly, calls from Jacob. Because I will cave if he calls and begs me, declaring his love again. I almost did earlier, but it was the thought of my dad killing him and ruining his life that stopped me. I just need to be strong for our baby now.

I place my hands over my tummy and allow myself to finally break down. I cry myself to sleep, dreaming of things I only wish could happen.