Flesh Eaters

Bringing up the Past

Chapter 31 - Bringing up the Past

*Grey's POV*

"I'm going to find Matt. I'll see if he can get you anything to eat," I say before I quickly turn away.

My heart hammers in my chest as I race out of the tent. I storm past smoldering fires and around various tents. I ignore the confused stares thrown my way as I run blindly. Tears begin to leak from my eyes as I stumble into a deserted part of the camp.

I collapse next to a tree and feel my body shake with silent sobs. Tears stream freely down my cheeks as I bury my head under my arms.

I've been trying to hold these emotions back. Trying to push the memories into the past, but they're there. When Murphy said we had to talk about what happened, I felt the fear in me. It's true, I'm afraid to talk about what happened. I'm afraid of what will happen if these memories are spoken. I'm afraid I'll end up reliving them, that somehow..

"Hey, ya' ok?"

I stiffen at the sound of the voice I know all to well.

"Why aren't you resting," I sniff, keeping my head buried.

"Matt came without any food, said ya' never came ta' talk to him. I knew you ran off," Murphy says, his voice growing closer as he talks. "Knowin' you, ya' ran out here without a weapon didn't you?"

I don't answer, just silently curse myself for being so stupid. I was so consumed by the fear of the past that I completely forgot of the danger lurking all around us.

"Grey," Murphy says. "Look at me."

I sniff and sigh once before I slowly lift my head. I look up though blurry, tear-filled eyes at Murphy. He stands shirtless, leaning on single crutch. He rests one hand on his right shoulder which is still wrapped in white bandaging.

"They tried ta' stop me but there ain't no way anyone's gonna stop me from protectin' you... Not anymore," he says as he sits down next to me.

The cold airs silent as we sit awkwardly next to each other. My mind races for something to say but I keep hitting blank walls.

Murphy sighs before he breaks the silence. "I ain't no therapist, but we need ta' talk."

I feel a cold bolt of fear shoot through my heart.

"I know you're scared, but not sayin' anything is eating ya' alive."

"Please, Murphy," I beg. "I-I can't.."

He sighs and drops his gaze. "Alright," he says as he fiddles with a string on his jeans. "What if I told ya' somethin' that's been eating away at me? In exchange you talk about before."

Eating at him? What in the world could be bothering him. He seems so collected, so in control of himself and everything around him. With everything that's happened he's always been in control, nothing he's done is unjustifiable.

"Do we have a deal," he asks.

I let out a breath and nod my head.

"Thought so," he mumbles. "Alright, where ta' start," he continues before trailing off. He stares at the ground for a moment before he nods to himself. "Ever since I met you, back in that tree, I felt like I'm goin' soft. Like I ain't in control of things anymore. When I was on my own everythin' was, predictable. I'd wake up, hunt, eat, kill a eater or two, and keep movin'. Then you came along 'n' changed everythin'."

I wipe the tears from my eyes and stare straight ahead.

"Each day's been different now that I'm not only protecting myself," Murphy continues. "That's what's been eatin' at me, the fact that need ta' protect somebody besides myself."

"You don't need to," I mumble. "I can take care of myself."

"I know, but there's been times when ya' couldn't and every time I've failed at keepin' you safe. Somethin's always happened and you get injured and almost die 'n' by some miracle you live."

"I live because of you save me," I say biting my lip.

Murphy shakes his head and ignores me. "'N' I feel guilty."

I study his tense figure. He feels guilty for not being able to keep me completely safe.

"Why," I ask. "I got myself into those situations, you didn't do anything but save me."

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "That's whole 'nother story. It's your turn now."

My throat tightens and my blood runs cold. I close my eyes and force myself to breath. "I don't know where to start."

"With Robby."

Behind my eyelids flash an image of my hands clawing at ground as he pressed himself into me. I remember the pain he caused and the helpless feeling that over came me as I cried for help.

"I tripped," I force myself to say. "I was running and I tripped, that's how he got me. I tried to get back up but he pushed me back down," I whimper.

I feel a something warm lightly touch my leg and open my eyes in surprise. I find Murphy's bruised hand resting on my leg. Gently he pats my leg. I feel the slightest grin tug on the corners of my lips at his attempt to comfort me but it quickly fades as I continue.

"When he.. raped me, I-I felt so helpless. All I could do was claw at the ground and scream for help. I lost all hope, until you came. But in that moment, I lost who I was. For the first time ever, I truly felt like I lost everything. Even in this world where the dead walk, I felt like I still had something but in that moment I lost it all."

I feel Murphy's eyes one me as I stare at his hand still resting on my leg. A silence falls between us as I wonder what more he wants me to say.

"Guess it's my turn again," he says, taking his hand back and breaking the silence.

"Continue. I want to hear why you feel guilty," I say suddenly.

Now Murphy goes silent. He stares ahead at his feet while his hands nervously fiddle with the strings on his tattered jeans.

After a moment he sighs, "I have somethin' ta' tell you, 'n' it ain't easy for me to say."