I ate the ice cream I'd found in my freezer, and bundled up in a blanket on the couch. There was a Netflix show playing on the tv, but I wasn't paying attention to it. My mind swarmed with Sam Golbach.
I've learned that I was quite a sensitive being, considering it had been a week and I was still in sorrow from Sam and I's interaction in the car.
I knew I loved Sam, and I knew he loved me. That wasn't the question...
It was, how much does he love Katrina?
I knew no matter what happened between him and I, his feelings for her would never go away. He lied about not loving her. He loved her lots, and his affection got in the way of his judgement that night they kissed.
I would not be surprised if he ended up picking her over me. Though, I felt like pulling a Meredith Grey and begging him to "pick me, choose me, love me."
Maybe it would work, maybe it wouldn't. I guess there's only one way to find out.
~
I knocked on the wood door, and soon after it swung open to Sam standing on the other side.
"Oh... hi Y/N" he said, and he opened the door more so I could fit through. It seemed very awkward between the two of us, "I wonder why." A sarcastic voice said inside my head.
"I want to talk to you," I said slipping through the door. "There is clearly somethings that need discussing."
"Yeah.." he closed the door behind me and led my up to his room.
I sat down on his bed, and after closing the door, Sam joined me.
"Look, I get it. You love Katrina and Katrina loves you. The two of you have something great going on, and I don't want to be the one to ruin it. But, I need to know... if there is something there between you and I. And if there is, we need to figure out what to do with it." I said looking down at my feet.
He was silent for a moment, thinking though my words carefully.
"I love Kat... but I am in love with you. It pains me to see what I had done to you, and the way I'm leading Kat on is cruel."
I looked up into his eyes. Tears brimmed the lids of his eyes. When he noticed I was looking up at him, he put his hand over his face and cried into the palm of his hand. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and put my forehead on his shoulder. His breathing had increased and he tensed up in my arms. Once he got comfortable with me there, him body relaxed and his breathing slowed. His head turned my way and I took my head off his shoulder. "I want to be with you, I want you, and only you." Sam said bringing his forehead down to mine. My breath hitched and my eyes darted up to look at him. His eyes were filled with sadness and guilt.
I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't make out any words. He closed his eyes and leaned against me. My eyes searched the room for an exit, I wanted to leave, I wanted to go back to my apartment and pack up my stuff again. I wanted to go home and cry into my mothers arms once again.
I am in love with Sam, Sam is in love with me. My mind is telling me to get off the bed and run for the hills, a defense mechanism, so he couldn't hurt me again. But part of me wanted Sam so bad that it wanted to melt into Sam's arms and never leave.
"Y/N... say something, please. Anything..."
I was on the verge of tears. My chest ached and my mind was going into overload.
"Leave, leave, leave, leave... leave" My thoughts screamed. I wanted to listen to them, I wanted the battle inside me to suffice.
"I don't want to get hurt again..." I said looking at Sam's closed eyes. I hadn't notice till now, but he had grabbed the hem on my shirt and was pulling on it. I felt my breathing quicken, and my heart started to race.
I placed my hand on Sam's chest, feeling his heart race. He flinched at my touch and had begun to pull away. My hand stayed on his chest and eventually he gave up on trying to get it off.
"But I want to take my chances Sam... I want to learn to trust you, I don't want the love I feel for you to die."
His eyes snapped open with that and his pretty blue eyes stared back at mine. The corners of my lips turned up into a small smile, to show him reassurance. "I love you Sam."
Tears threatened to spill over my eyelids, and a lump formed in my throat. For a moment I was scared he regretted what he said, as he stayed silent and he just stared into my eyes. Worry pooled in my stomach and the ache in my chest started to burn.
"I love you too, Y/N." Sam finally said in a hushed voice. He closed his eyes again and brought his lips closer to mine. I relaxed as a wave of relief hit me, and I met him halfway with the kiss. Our lips moved against each other perfectly.
