Nothing is Forever

Chapter 20

I could not open my eyes at first. I was so tired. I heard voices and yelling, but I could not hold on to them. Everything was peaceful. Everything was right, now. I could feel nothing, only peace.

I stopped trying to keep my eyes open and let them fall closed, I wanted to sleep for hours, for days. I wanted to sleep in this peace, but something near me, speaking to me, aroused me a little.

“Merewen, please come back. Please open your eyes, do not go!” I felt a brief pressure on my hand, another hand squeezing it, but I did not care. I felt myself falling, falling away into darkness. More voices surrounded me, and I could no longer pick this one out of the rest.

I was falling drifting, listening to speech and hearing only a rush of words, various voices, sounds, pitches, and intensities, but I could hear nothing but a rush. I could not listen to one at a time.

“Merewen, we love you!”

“Do not die, do not die!”

“Please, my love! Come back!”

“It was too much, it was too much.”

I let go. I drifted and the voices drifted. They fell away from me in the other direction, and I felt like I was flying higher and higher, but I was not afraid. I wanted to approach the end. I wanted to accept the end.

“Merewen.”

I stopped smiling.

“Merewen.”

I stopped breathing.

“Merewen.”

My heart stopped beating.

I hit the bottom, or the top. I reached my destination.

But I still heard weeping, though it sounded far away. I opened my eyes and could see everything. I could see all of Middle Earth. I could see Mirkwood. I could see the palace. I could see the room. I could see the bed. I could see me.

And I could see him.

His body was wracked with sobs. He was the only soul in the room. He sounded so far away, like his voice was an echo. He clutched my hand, I watched him from above. He kissed it, kissed my lips, and wept. I felt his heart break, but it no longer seemed a part of me. It seemed a far away sensation.

“Merewen.” The sound of his voice startled me. He picked up my limp hand and squeezed it. He kissed it and wept. “Merewen, why?”

‘Why?’ I asked, though I produced no sound.

“Why?” He repeated. “I am so sorry, Merewen. I tried to help you. I tried to get away. I tried so hard. This is all my fault.”

‘Not your fault,’ I insisted.

“It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have… I should have… I wish…. Merewen, I love you! I have loved you since the day I met you! I cannot lose you now! Not when I only just found you again… Please don’t be gone!” His tears ripped through me like a windstorm through the desert.

‘Gone?’ I reached out to touch him. I could not reach. ‘Legolas? No! Legolas, I need you! I love you! I am not gone! I am right here!’

I saw him raise his head and touch my temple with his fingers. “I would give you my life. I would be yours, if only you would return.”

I fought against the force that prevented me from reaching him. I struggled and swam but to no avail. I tried to weep, but was not made of flesh and blood. I could not weep true tears. I simply floated, sadly, above my love and my corpse.

Legolas began to sing.

I have always known you,
You have always been there,
I have loved you from birth,
You have loved me to death.

When the darkness falls and the distance calls, you still remain with me.
My words bring you down,
But I was born to speak,
I have loved you from birth,
You have loved me to death.

You're the beauty that encompasses the night, the peace in the morn.
You're the dreams of my dreams I will never awake,
And the shadows and the seasons and the light,
And the lightning in the distance rages on,
Signs of love and signs of life you have entered.
Oh, make way for the Valar is here.
For the Valar cares.

I looked up above me, only to find the sky glowing with a preternatural light. I would have shaded my eyes if I had eyes or an arm with which to shade them, but I stared right into it.

‘You took him away! You took him away from me! I finally had all I even needed and now it is gone! I am gone!’ But in my heart I knew that was not true. I knew that this was my fault. ‘Can you not over look this, just one time? Can you not let me have him back? Can you not… Will you give me a second chance?’

I begged to the sky. I continued to beg, and a second voice seemed to echo mine.

Legolas was pleading. “‘Can you give her a second chance. Will you let me have her back? A love this strong lasts even through death. Surely, she was unaware. Surely, there is something that can be done.’” We echoed each other, my thoughts and his words. I closed my eyes in a silent plea and gradually felt something happening. Gradually I felt myself rush away from this place.

I was falling, falling down. I was cold, so cold. I could hear something pulsing, throbbing. It was my heart. I could hear something wheezing, my breath. I could feel something flowing inside of me. I could feel something touching me. I could feel everything. It hurt so much, but in ignoring that hurt, I felt bliss!

I opened my eyes and looked at him. His lips still whispered the prayer. His hand still clutched mine. He did not notice the warmth. He did not notice the pulse. He was praying for my return, he did not notice it happening.

I squeezed his fingers lightly, just once, and his head shot up from being lowered in prayer and his eyes stared before him in disbelief. I felt the sorrow that engulfed him lift from his body. I felt love fill his emptiness, and disbelief still coloured his expression.

Words were not enough for this moment. Tears were not enough. He could only tell me how much he loved me with his lips on mine.

“You were—”

I nodded, “I was….” My voice cracked.

“Yet, you are….”

I smiled and squeezed his fingers, “I am….”

Legolas’ passion drove his actions, and he pressed his lips to mine in urgency and pearls of tears rolled off his face, as my tears rolled off mine.

“Inye sanwe inye vanwa lle (I thought I had lost you.)”

“Lle va leuca ni ta rince (You will not get rid of me that easily.)”