y'know i really want to go back to the way i was in january, just showing no emotion or weakness to anyone. i may have been completely miserable but at least i wasn't vulnerable. being vulnerable is scary, bc if you're letting someone see how vulnerable you actually are you're putting so much trust into them. and trust is a scary thing too, bc they could easily betray you and it would be all your fault bc you were stupid enough to trust them. i definitely don't have trust issues. but that's my dad's fault. last night i had a dream where i killed him. fuck him. i blame him for all my mental illnesses. OH did i mention i got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. it's f u n. seriously do you know how hard it is to handle the world around you when you have your own battle going on inside your head. it's a never ending fight to just function like a normal person. i'm trying so hard to just keep myself alive because i don't want to die but i feel like it would be better if i was gone. it would just be so much easier y'know. like my friends and family wouldn't have to stress about me. do you know how terrible it is to see your mom cry bc of something you can't control. this is a woman who has worked so hard for half of her life to make you and your brother happy and healthy all on her own. i just feel like if i wasn't here nobody would have to worry about me and they could just go on their marry ways.but i don't want to die. i don't want to leave my friends or my family. like, marijuana would be so lost without mc bc i'm just that amazing, and what would wifey do without her wifey AND WHAT WOULD SHUNNY DO IF SHE FOUND OUT ONE OF HER LOYAL FOLLOWERS WAS DEAD. anyways i'm TERRIFIED of adults especially adult men, they are so scary i could never trust one. they could do easily manipulate you and take advantage of you and i don't want that to happen again. anyways thank you wifey for being so fucking sexy ;(
i'll be your one up girl ⭐️
