do you ever make up scenarios in your head and get so deep into them that you don't even know who you are anymore, well that's where i am rn. i don't even feel like a real person anymore. i literally have to say our loud to myself "your name is *real name* and you go to *school name*. ever since late june, i've been doing absolutely amazing up until school started. even when i wasn't submerged in the scenarios, when i would talk to my friends and be really happy. but i haven't done any of my schoolwork bc i don't even realize that it's actually real. the scenarios made me realize who i want to be and what i want to do with my life. i want to help people, i want to be able to make a difference in people's lives, i want to change the world for the better. but that's not possible if i don't work hard, and that starts now. i need to do my work if i want to help people. it's just so hard for me to let go of those scenarios bc they have done so much to improve how i see myself and who i am as a person. it's so hard for me to concentrate in class bc of online school and i have so much work to do KSHDJSBE IM SOBBING RN THIS IS NOT FUNNNNNN. i've been lying to everyone about doing it, i literally yell at them to do their work but then i don't do mine. at least i'm eating again. and i don't do my flippys bc i look UGLY on camera. i can't bare to look at myself in a camera and not to mention my voice EWWWWWWWW ITS SO GROSS IT MAKES ME WANT TO DIE I HATE IT SO MUCH. but it's FINE bc i'm gonna be forced to do it anyways. oh god my mom is gonna yell at me, i can't handle it when people yell at me it reminds me of my dad ew i hate him sm, but thats besides the point. the only answers i'm gonna have for her are 'i forgot' or 'i didn't want to do it,' like i cant say 'yeah i forgot that i was real' like wtf she's not gonna know what that means. i hate having to explain myself when i barely know why i did it in the first place. i want to do so much more in my life, i want to travel the world, i want to be able to see who needs help and be able to help them. i want to be the president. like that's crazy. and these days nobody wants a position like that for the right reasons. they want to have control over everyone and everything. they want the best for themselves not the people they serve. they only want power. I want to make a lasting impression on the world, i want to be able to help people but i know that takes a lot of work. so i will be trying my best from here on out bc i know it's difficult to do the things i want to do. also sorry i lied i didn't know i was real. i just feel so helpless and useless. i want to improve how i am but i don't have true resources to do so bc i'm only a child. i have absolutely no control over my life. i hate the feeling of having no control, and the thing is i'm always feeling like that. whether it has to do with society or me mentally, i'm never in control. ANYWAYS that's nose and marijuana for caring about me.
i'll be your 1 up girl ⭐️
