Burning Blue | Langst

Chapter Five

Lances pov

I lay awake next to Keith who was sleeping rather soundly, his soft snores could be heard from all over the room. It might be for the fact that the room was deathly quiet. I hated it, not that the silence wasn't nice it just brought the thoughts to the surface and left me to only think about that. All the hatred towards myself started to come to the surface.

Why are you here?

He doesn't love you.

Why would you think that you mattered?

Why are you even trying?

You don't deserve to live.

You're useless.

You don't matter.

Why would anyone care about you? What's there to care about?

I sat up in the bed and placed my hands over my ears trying to block out the voices. Of course, that didn't work though. Tears were silently running down my face, I placed a hand over my mouth so that I don't wake up the sleeping Keith. I get up from the bed and walk into the bathroom. I look myself in the mirror, I only see how terrible I looked. I hated everything about my appearance. The bags under my eyes were getting darker and darker by the day from the lack of sleep. The fat that was just lingering on my body made me look disgusting. How was anyone even able to look at me without wanting to throw up?

Tears were just running down my face. Everything I hated about myself I was able to point out in the mirror.

Cut it will make the pain go away.

My brain was telling me it was the only way that I would be able to get over this feeling. To let all the pain go away. So of course, I listened.

~Trigger Warning~

I opened the cabinet door and grabbed the razor blade that I had stuffed into the back so that no one could find it.

I held the shiny piece of metal in my hands. I knew Keith was just right behind this door, he was asleep. I didn't know if I Should go through with this. What would he do? Would he care? Though I didn't listen to my thoughts.

I placed the shiny piece of metal on my wrist pushing down and making a thin red line across my wrist. I let out a wince in pain as I did this action, But it felt good. I loved the pain that gave me and made the voices that were once in my head subside just a little. I did this action a second time, watching the blood pour down my wrist and onto the floor.

I did this action another five times before I heard the bathroom door creak open. I looked up to see Keith's eyes widen and mouth agape.

~Trigger Warning Over~

"Lance what are you doing?!" he quickly grabbed the blade out of my hand and throwing it to the side. I let out a sob to show how much pain I was in. Not physically, but mentally. He grabbed a towel from a drawer and placed it on my wrist, putting pressure on it to stop the bleeding.

He wraps his arms around me rocking me back and forth while also keeping the pressure on my wrist. I just cried into his shoulder, it was the only other way I knew how to get rid of all my problems. "Hey, it's okay." Keith soothed. His voice was quiet and hushed.

After the bleeding stopped, Keith wrapped it in some gauze to prevent it from getting infected. We stayed there wrapped in each other arms Keith comforting me. "Why didn't you just wake me up, I would have helped." I felt bad now, he had to deal with the broken mess that I have become. "I didn't want to wake you up, you looked so peaceful," I say my voice kinda raspy from all of the crying.