Drarry Oneshots (𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒆)

No longer in hypothetical terms

Top!Harry

Bottom!Draco

Author: spence_wood ( on ao3)

How can you say something like that!"

Ron halted.

He had just been on his way to the library- Seamus Finnigan was making a right racket in his dorm, where Ron had originally gone to study while Harry worked on his project with Malfoy, with Merlin-knows-whatever-spell-he-was-mastering-now. Stopping in his tracks, he cocked his head to verify what he thought he had just heard.

"Please, Potter, we both know you're wrong here."

There that voice was again; and now Ron was sure. He could practically hear the snarl in Draco Malfoy's voice, the heavy emphasis on the "P" in "Potter" giving him away. To top it off, Draco Malfoy's voice was coming from Harry's room.

Why on earth were they in Harry's room? And why on earth were they still not done with their project?

They'd been given weeks for the project, and even Ron had finished a while ago. Then again, it wasn't hard to imagine that Malfoy's constant shenanigans made it hard to get any actual work done. It would be even less of a surprise if their teacher had denied the bitching pair to work in their classroom.

Instinctively, Ron pulled out his wand from his back pocket. The muffled voices continued, and it began sounding like they were arguing. It was worrying enough that Harry was alone in a closed vicinity with his known enemy, but an actual argument erupting could lead to serious consequences. Of course he had to be paired with the blond mong for a Potions project. It was perfect irony, and Ron was convinced that irony dominated every outcome in Harry's life. He tried not to distract himself, tried to hear the voice again, but he was too far away.

Better safe than sorry, Ron thought as he tip-toed towards the wooden door. Wand perched firmly in his hand, he placed his ear right next to the coarse wood as he listened to their conversation.

"Malfoy, you act all tough but you and I know you're a little bitch-"

Ron reached for the doorknob, fearing he had just heard the beginning of a horrible fight that would certainly end in both of them breaking something. Knowing how explosive Harry and Malfoy were with each other, he prepared for the worst. Until he heard the last part of Harry's sentence.

"-and would absolutely be the one to bottom if we shagged".

Ron nearly choked on his own saliva. Now that was something he wasn't expecting to hear, but he wasn't quite disturbed enough to back away. After all, knowing Harry and Malfoy, this could still end in a fight.

"Just because I'm not an overly confident Gryffindor that gets off on walking right into the arms of danger doesn't mean I'm a bitch", Malfoy's voice retorted calmly, but Ron could hear the smirk in his voice; clearly it had aggravated Harry.

"Besides", he continued after Harry hadn't said anything for a while, "my cock is bigger than yours".

Ron's eyes widened, and he lowered his wand. Perhaps he wouldn't need it after all...

"Don't be ridiculous", Harry seemed to have found his voice again, "Let's get back to our project, yes?"

"Is this you admitting defeat, Potter?"

"You caught me. I'm hiding my micropenis from you so I don't have to admit I'm a bottom."

"No longer speaking in hypothetical terms, are we Potter?"

That constant repetition of Harry's surname drove Ron insane; he didn't know how Harry could possibly put up with it, but his friend seemed to show no signs of backing down. Ron didn't know whether to think That's the Gryffindor Spirit or Harry you git stop talking yourself into this situation. He said nothing, fearing he would be executed by Malfoy for hearing their conversation: there was something undeniably private about it, despite how mocking their tones were.

"Shut it, Malfoy. You know very well you would beg to be fucked given the opportunity."

Ron blushed inadvertedly at Harry's blunt response, and the silence that ensued hinted that one of them would most certainly be flustered now as well. Harry spoke up first.

"Let's please get back to this project?"

Phew, Ron thought, but regretted his relief when Malfoy spoke up again and he realised he was stupid to think Malfoy would let go an opportunity to piss Harry off.

"Potter has a microcock, Potter is a bottom, Potter has a microcock, Potter is a-"

"For crying out loud Malfoy, would you shut up if you saw it? Would that satisfy you?"

Once again silence fell over the two- well, three- of them. And for a long time, Ron didn't hear anything. He debated opening the door, fearing Malfoy had hexed him, or vice versa, because given his childish chant, Ron honestly wouldn't be surprised if Harry had. The silence continued, and no matter how closely Ron tried to listen, he couldn't hear anything. Then he really did consider opening the door to check if both were still conscious. The choice was made for him, when he heard Malfoy speak up again.

"Christ, Harry, you're fucking huge".

His tone had changed. It was shakier, there was more disbelief, and for once, Ron heard Malfoy speak without that constant sneer plastered all over him. It was strange, so impossibly strange that he was sure this was a trap. There had to be a catch, there always was with Malfoy. It was one of the things that made him- Ron hated admitting it- interesting, in his own way. He never quite said exactly what he was thinking, he was cautious beyond anyone else, despite his cocky behaviour and stupidly childish endavours at Hogwarts. His actions weren't, but his speech most certainly was always conceited.

Where's the catch, Malfoy, Ron asked himself as he kept his ear pressed against the door.

"Not so bad yourself, Malfoy. I'd still top."

"You're aroused", Malfoy breathed, barely loudly enough for Ron to hear. And then his breath hitched.

"I didn't hear you deny my claim", Harry replied, his voice lower and raspier than Ron had ever heard it.

He felt the heat gather in his face as he realised what he was listening to: and he really didn't need to hear any more about his friend's cock. Or Malfoy's cock. Or anyone's cock. Merlin, it was the first time that all he really wanted is to immerse himself in his Herbology textbook.

Backing away from the door as cautiously as he could, Ron resumed his trip to the library. The last thing he wanted is to hear his best friend shag.