Drarry Oneshots (𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒆)

Drarry's Diary

Top!Harry

Bottom!Draco

Author: Godofcardio ( on ao3 ) 

Not really a story but i though it was funny 

waring !f-slur

_________________________

prolog
gay.
gayyyyy.
gaygaygaygay.
my name is draco lucius malfoy, and I am gay.
I'm hot. I'm a bottom. I'm freaking a bottom, if you're blind and didn't notice. I'm soooo gay.
I write a diary, 'cause I am so, sooo! tangled and arrogant soul. my soul is tortured, you see? Got stuck with all these inferior people... It's exhausting.
I fell in love with my hair. ohh... it was a long time ago. I will give you the permission to touch it only if you are a dom. my dom. my aggressive and sexy dom, that will actually choke me if i'll try to resist.
My bum is amazing. My bum is truly amazing. My bum is something I want Potter to eat. mmmmm, eat me Potter. please.
I love Jean. I love him with all my heart and hair. touch me, Jean. do me as you wish. I am all yours.
~~~~~~~
-hmm... Blaze? and Pansy? and my- is that my diary?? what are you doing with my diary??
-we are leaving. we just now leaving!
- no! come back- what have you done???
~~~~~~~~~
Ohh god- ohhh god! what did they write - it's not- it's not true! I swear this- all of this- this is not true! i'm not! i'm absuluty not gay. Of course not! Why would i? And even if i was (which I'm not! I. Am. Straight.), even if I was, I would have been the top. The fucker.
I will never be faggot, you know? I'm Malfoy, for god sake. How can anyone, especially those two, can even think about it?
so, are we clear? I am not, and never will be, gay.
About Jean? Jean is great. I like him and his hands, but not sexually. In Merlin's name! Absolutely not sexually. What am I, some poor boy with daddy issues? No! Never! My father will hear about this! How freaking dare you?? Jean... I love Jean, ok? He makes my hair even better. (and my hair is almost perfect, so it means a lot)
Hmm... what's next? Oh. I am pretty sure I made myself clear with all the dom thingy. I. NEVER. WILL. BE. A. SUB!!! (and gay! I am so straight it hurts. (but it's actually better. everything better than me being gay. because i am not! it's a lie!))
And Potter? Potter is the most disgusting person I've ever known. First, his hair is terrible. like it's not enough, he is also proud of this. do you understand?? Be proud of such a bad thing?! He enjoyed messing it up, making it look like he had just come off the broom. "Like his father," Papa says, trying to make me shut up. But I just- I can't! so arrogant! It's killing me.
Potter. Is. Ugly!! His brown body, his muscles... I am drooling only from watching him- to prepare my mouth! Before I vomit! Because he is ugly!!
I hate Potter. The idiot, half blooded, sexy, Beautif- Nutella! Nutella with Ferrero, Nutella in a spoon, Nutella! I love Nutella, not Potter.
I'm Draco Lucius Malfoy, and I'm a well-groomed heterosexual who takes care of his hair and loves Nutella. And yes, also writing a diary. That's pretty nice actually, unless you have stupid friends who push their noses everywhere---- never mind. I will cast better spells and it won't happen again.
So I take care of my hair, and do manicure, and want to be a Disney princess, but that does NOT mean that I - that I am like that. And of course i DON'T love the filthy potter. Now shut up annoying voices in my head and let me write.
Hmmm... Where have I been? Oh yes! I'm not gay. I'm a tough and strong straight, everyone's in love with me, I'm an amazing athlete, and Potter is ugly.