The Tale of The Cowardly Sea Monster

The End

EXT. MIAMI BEACH - LATER THAT DAY

HARRIET and POLLY walk around searching for something.

HARRIET
I feel sure I left my candlesticks somewhere around here.

POLLY
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly candlesticks.

HARRIET
You know nothing Polly Fish.

POLLY
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, SALLY appears, holding a pair of candlesticks.

SALLY
Looking for something?

POLLY
Crikey, Harriet, she's got your candlesticks.

HARRIET
Tell me something I don't already know!

POLLY
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

HARRIET
I know that already!

POLLY
I bite my toenails.

SALLY
(appalled) Dude!

While SALLY is looking at POLLY with disgust, HARRIET lunges forward and grabs her deadly candlesticks. He wields them, triumphantly.

HARRIET
Prepare to die, you cowardly cauliflower!

SALLY
No please! All I did was terrify a bunch of swimmers!

ROB enters, unseen by any of the others.

HARRIET
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Harriet Greenway defender of innocent swimmers.

SALLY
Don't hurt me! Please!

HARRIET
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these candlesticks on you right away!

SALLY
Because Harriet, I am your mother.

HARRIET looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.

HARRIET
No you're not!

SALLY
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

SALLY tries to grab the candlesticks but HARRIET dodges out of the way.

HARRIET
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, SALLY slumps to the ground.

POLLY
Did she just faint?

HARRIET
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly candlesticks.

HARRIET crouches over SALLY's body.

POLLY
Be careful, Harriet. It could be a trick.

HARRIET
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sally Superhalk is dead!

POLLY
What?

HARRIET
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.

POLLY claps her hands.

POLLY
So your candlesticks did save the day, after all.

ROB steps forward.

ROB
Is it true? Did you kill the cowardly sea monster?

HARRIET
Rob how long have you been...?

ROB puts his arm around HARRIET.

ROB
Long enough.

HARRIET
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sally Superhalk.

ROB
Then the swimmers are safe?

HARRIET
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.

ROB
You are their hero.

The swimmers bow to HARRIET.

HARRIET
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sally Superhalk will never terrify swimmers ever again, is enough for me.

ROB
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the swimmers passes HARRIET a healing talisman

ROB
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

HARRIET
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

HARRIET
Well, if you insist.

HARRIET takes the talisman.

HARRIET
Thank you.

The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.

HARRIET turns to ROB.

HARRIET
Does this mean you want me back?

ROB
Oh, Harriet, of course I want you back!

HARRIET smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

HARRIET
Well you can't have me.

ROB
WHAT?

HARRIET
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a sea monster to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

ROB
But...

HARRIET
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Polly.

POLLY grins.

ROB
But...

POLLY
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

ROB
Harriet?

HARRIET
I'm sorry Rob, but I think you should skidaddle.

ROB leaves.

POLLY turns to HARRIET.

POLLY
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

HARRIET
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly POLLY stops.

POLLY
When I said I bite my toenails, you know I was just trying to distract the sea monster don't you?

                                                                      THE END