I'll Be Fine A Nick Jonas Story (Book Two)

Chapter 24

Shannon's POV

You've read the books
You've watched the shows
What's the best way no one knows

I closed my eyes as music filled my headphones. Music has always been apart of my thought process.

But why does my depression have to be this way? I mean, I'm getting married to an amazing man. I should be happy. But it seems like I've forgotten how. I've been wearing this mask of a smile for so long. It's really starting to wear me down.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart.

I can't sleep at night. My appetite has fallen and I feel so...broken.

What's going to kill you is the second part.

Why can't this be Nick? Why can't Nick be the one I spend the rest of my life with?

And the third is when your world splits down the middle.

I'm torn between two amazing guys. It's hard, since I can't make up my mind.

And forth you're going to think that you fixed yourself.

I was so happy earlier on with my relationship with Ryan. I was feeling better about myself and it was easier to move on.

Fifth you see them off with someone else.

He's with Olivia now and couldn't look happier. Clearly he has moved on and left me to clean up the mess I'd made. And I can't compete with her. Their's just no way.

And sixth is when you admit you may of fucked up a little.

This is it, I've ruined everything. I ruined my relationship with Nick. I can't take back the words I had said. I can't tell him what I want to say without it all blowing up in my face. He found someone who truly makes him happy. Someone who is his world. I'm just an sad excuse for a girl.

That's when you know you've reached the six degrees of separation.

I decided to grab my things and stay with Joe for the night. I just couldn't be Ryan with all this going through my mind. He doesn't know about my Major Depression and I'll like to keep it that way until I'm ready.

When you hear the word, "depression." It stings your heart a little doesn't it? It causes you to lower your head and wonder what on earth are they're feeling.

It starts off slow with only the small issues that catches your attention. You start to point out the little flaws that no one notices. But they taunt you every time you look in the mirror. You'll continue to feel worthless and unloved. The thought of, "They'll be better without me" is replayed over and over again, like a broken record. But this is no song you'd want on repeat.

Weeks would pass by and nothing has changed. You'll begin to feel the sadness taking over. It'll engulf you like a wave as you're struggling just to breathe and it doesn't stop there.

Months seems to blur into one as your fighting with yourself everyday. Everyday you feel no different. It feels like your reacting an horrible nightmare. It'll consume all that you are. And it's all you think about.

I'm at the point where I'm just ready to give up. Just call it quits and take the easy way out. It's because I'm tired...I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of this aching pain. But mostly, I'm tired of being tired.

I take my things as I head over to the bathroom. I quietly shut the door and take my medication out. As I'm doing so, I'm looking at myself in the mirror. My eyes filled with tears as this will be the last time I'll see my face. This is it, this is happening. I hope God can forgive me.

Song: Six Degrees of Separation by, The Script