I wish I had told you

The Goodbye

Jessica was riding high on the success of her new song. Its popularity kind of grew bigger and bigger as each day passed by and became the unofficial LGBTQ anthem in India. Her subscriber count which was decreasing like the level of water in a bucket with a hole rocketed to one million. She got invited to perform many gigs in some of the coolest places out there, but she would always turn down the most attractive ones citing anxiety issues. Then, there came an offer that was too good to refuse - an opportunity to perform in India's biggest music festival which was headlined by Coldplay and a couple of other famous international artists.

As soon as she got the call, she was both excited and terrified. 'Can I confirm after some time?' she asked hesitantly to the organizer.

'How long?'

'About an hour?' She asked doubtfully.

'Okay, be quick,' organizer said in a warning tone and cut the call.

Zach, who was beside her, curiously asked Jessica. 'One hour for what?'

'They were asking if I could perform in the Music festival,' said Jessica in a quite normal tone.

'What?!!!' exclaimed Zach. 'The one where Coldplay is gonna play?' She nodded.

'Oh my fucking god! I can't believe my ears.' He went on and on and finally asked, 'so, you're gonna do it right?'

'I don't know.'

'Dude, please don't say 'No'. Artists would die for such an opportunity.'

'I know but what if I screw up. You remember that college fest, right?' She widened her eyes. 'This is like five-six times that crowd.'

'Nobody in sound mind would deny a chance like this.' He held her hands and said, 'Just say 'Yes', we'll figure out everything else. I think it's the best time to redeem you and move on from all of that. Just say YES.

After Zach's assurance, she called the organizer and agreed to perform.

Zach, all smiles, said, 'I gotta tell this to everyone. I'll see ya later, and don't worry we'll pull it off.' She nodded. As she saw Zach leaving happily, she couldn't help but think of her terrible finale performance.

There were many reasons for her terrible performance, that day. Her lack of practice, the unfortunate fall of a background dancer, which led the performance to a standstill just a few seconds before it ends, and more than all that it was Ankit.

Ankit passed away in a sudden, unexpected accident just three days before the finale and a day after their humble celebration, in his house. It took some time for her to completely absorb that news and internalize it. She somehow couldn't believe it, it seemed unreal. But as each and every detail about his death, kept popping in front of her - reality slapped her hard.

She never really cried out aloud like Jay, who didn't stop crying for two days but slowly accepted the reality but kept sobbing all day - for many months. She almost thought of not singing in the finale but that option wasn't available. She had to bite the bullet and do it. She did it but unfortunately, it didn't go well which made her state miserable.

Following that finale, she went into a dark zone. She appeared strong in front of everybody but was broken inside. Loss of Ankit left a huge void in her life. More than the memories, it was the fact that she could never express her love to him and she could never execute the surprise - singing "This Town" for him on his birthday - she planned for him, and all those impossible possibilities hurt her more.

He would always use to say that her life would change after that show. It couldn't be more ironical.

After going through the painful flashback, she somewhere, at the back of her head, felt that the upcoming performance could change her life - for the good.