Butterfly || Jin

07 - Purpose

...

"Life is never made unbearable by circumstances but only by the lack of meaning and purpose"

...

No matter what Jin do, he can't throw out those words Namjoon said to him. It's been awhile but those words keep replying on his mind. The tone Namjoon used to him and those words.

Jin is useless to their eyes, nothing more than a parasite waiting to ruin their home.

Yes, things get back to normal after a week but they all know thing is still awkward even if it is just a little. Jin couldn't move on with this type of atmosphere so he tries to be friendly again.

He invited the younger members, Jungkook and Taehyung who were doing nothing for that day to join him for his vlive but they declined his offer. Jin shrugs off while walking his direction to Hoseok's studio.

He did the same thing, he offers Hoseok to join his mukbang on vlive but again, Hoseok declined the offer. He wants to ask Jimin but Jimin is having his own individual schedule. Only Namjoon and Yoongi left but Jin didn't want them to join him and he surely knows they will not join him.

The two rappers are in their own studio probably working on a new song again or maybe songs?

There's no one to accompany him for his mukbang show. A sight left his mouth, he took a seat at the gather room of the company's building while waiting for his food to come before switching on the vlive to greet his fans.

It was at that time, Soobin and Yeonjun walk in, into the gather room. Jin's eyes shine brighter as he sees the two juniors. He offers them to be on his show in which they gladly accepted the offer, taking a seat besides Jin.

Once they start the vlive, the three of them start telling the fans some stories before they start reading the comments. Since the device they use to shoot the vlive show is closer to Soobin, so Soobin is the one who is reading the comments.

"Why are Jin's eyes looking so tired? 🥺"

Jin chuckles as he is thinking of what to reply. Yes, it is true he is tired. Tired with two meanings.

"I was practicing with the members earlier" Jin replies, smiling.

It's true, he is tired both physically and mentally.

"I will ask a question each to both our Soobin and Yeonjun" Jin says.

"Let's start with the elder first, Yeonjunie. What makes you happy nowadays?" Jin asks.

Yeonjun chuckles a bit while looking at Jin.

"It's my dream to debut, it's my dream to stand on stage with the fans cheering on me. I'm having a bless-full moment in my life and of course it makes me happy. It doesn't matter what the future holds for me, I just want to live every moment of my life without regret" Yeonjun replies.

Surprisingly the words Yeonjun says makes Jin thinks on his mind. Why does it reminds him of himself years ago? Both, the determination and the words. Yeonjun reminds him of his younger self years ago.

"What a beautiful words, thank you. Now our Soobinie, is this the path you always wanted to face?" Jin asks.

"I grew up watching amazing people everywhere just like you, hyung. I find comfort from those people and a thought came to my mind 'Ah, I wanted to be like them'. Some might think it's immature but for me, I find comfort from those people and I want people to feel the same from me too. I never regret choosing this path" Soobin replies.

Jin nods. Both Soobin and Yeonjun remind him so much about his younger self. Jin hopes whatever the future holds for them will never makes them feel like what he is feeling right now.

A bright star that no longer find purpose to shine anymore.

The show ends after a few more words from the three of them. Jin bows to both Yeonjun and Soobin, thanking them for joining him doing his vlive. Truthfully he feels at ease filming with others and that's why he went to offer the members first to join him. He didn't want to be alone.

...

Time passed quickly and now they are already having their comeback and exactly doing their comeback show on vlive right now. They pulled through all those hard time with or without the argument.

Things get back to normal but not the words that permanently stays in Jin's mind since the first time he heard that.

"Okay, Jin hyung! What do you think of this album?" Hoseok asks while they're filming for the comeback live.

"Um, I don't know..."

"I mean, I always knew all of you did a great job in whatever you do. For this album I feel like 'you're always going to do good in everything'. That's what I thought in my head. I watched the members practicing, I watched them singing, rapping to the songs, I watched them doing the photoshoot and everything and there's nothing I can say that lack about these precious gems-" Jin says.

"Oooo, Jin hyung called us precious gems" both Hoseok and Jimin tease him.

Jin laughs before continuing his words.

"I find it comforting just to be with them. Just their company alone is enough for me. The progress of this album does makes me think deeper, how precious every moments are. For the members who worked hard to make this album, thank you. I hope everyone finds comfort with this album just like I do" Jin says, finishing his words.

How beautiful is it to find someone who asks for nothing but your company? Truly beautiful.

Long short story, during the promotion of the new album, Jin didn't feel anything.

"Me and my people will win, so naturally that no one will see us coming."

Jin remembers perfectly how Namjoon muttered that words. No Namjoon didn't muttered that words out loud in the public, he wrote that words to the public.

15th March 2015.

Jin clearly remembers that day. They were treated worst than any trash, they were treated like they're some kind of disease to the others. Constantly being degraded everywhere they go.

Time after time, those words become something that many looks up for. For being cool, for being passionate and for being determined.

They made it. They punctured their name permanently into the industry. The name that everyone used to step on it becoming the biggest name that can overshadow everything.

They win.

But why does he feels like he was losing?

Don't get him wrong, he genuinely happy for everything but still feels like he was losing. He feels less human each time he wanted to be more.

Why?

He is losing purpose in his life. He wants nothing anymore.