Butterfly || Jin

09 - Colours

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"Eyes see and ears listen to things that mind does not understand"

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He gives up. Kim Seokjin gives up on Bangtan's Jin. Kim Seokjin gives up on them.

That's right, if you give up, it's the end. It is good to hold on even if the progress is slow or there are changes. It's not fun if its too fast too. Do it slowly.

In that way, you will like it for a long time but both Kim Seokjin and Bangtan's Jin has been holding on for too long. He gives up with a broken heart.

A broken heart is the worst, it's like having broken ribs, nobody can see it, but it hurts every time you breathe.

Your body is honest. When you're in physical pain, you cry. But when the heart is a liar, it stays quiet even when it is hurting. Jin has been staying quiet for awhile and now it's time for him to stop.

"The world doesn't get easier, you're getting stronger."

It's true. You get used to things that hurt you each and every time that happens but for Jin, he didn't get used to it yet for now.

Those who lost in their fight is not actually losing anything, they are sacrificing themselves for their inner peace, for the pain to stop hurting them. In the end, they are the winner right?

Being in the entertainment industry for years wrecked him. Sometimes he enjoyed the flow but the other times he just wish to stop.

Constantly being the target of humiliation whether he did great or not, of course it wrecked him into pieces. Much more when his own groupmates did the same.

He always know that he lacks something when compared to the others but quietly he picked himself up, standing again.

Maybe, maybe he was the easiest target.

Maybe because his moves were not as beautiful as the others that he was the target to get yelled at, to get humiliated when in facts, sometimes it wasn't even his mistake to begin with.

It was the other's mistake but just because he couldn't dance as gracefully as the others, of course everyone pointed out that he was making the mistake.

Could he blamed the others for that? Of course he could but if he thinks again, he just couldn't control his body as great as them to dance gracefully.

Yes, his bones are flexible but that just wasn't for the choreo. His crooked fingers even mocking him in a way that he could only laugh every time he looked at the fingers.

He couldn't forget the humiliation he got on a broadcast program where they were asked about the member who always makes mistakes. The fans pointed to him, mentioning his name. His bright smile completely turn sour.

Do they think it's a joke for them to mention his name out loud while giggling? It is only a joke if both side feel the same.

After all, no matter how much effort he puts to be better, people always think he do bad in everything he did. They created the stigma themselves and it hurts him so bad.

He keeps thinking that he is useless. The stigma they created makes him think that he is useless.

They broke him apart. Everyone broke him apart. Everyone.

Two years, for two years Jin hides from the crowd. For two years Jin never get into contact with Bangtan, with any of Bighit staff. His family is the only one he contacted through out the whole two years. He didn't let them spilled anything about him to anyone, not even to Bangtan and their own family.