Keeping the Bad Boy

Chapter 20

It's been three days since Courtney called. It's only nine days until winter break is over. I went to bed late last night, scared to go to sleep, as usual. I don't know how the late nights have never shown on my face. Ever since my mother died, I've had these awful nightmares. Sometimes I wake up screaming. Sometimes, I wake up but I'm not sure if it's over. And sometimes, I can't wake up at all. I have never told my parents of these nightmares, of course. It would be stupid to tell them. Honestly, I don't know why you would adopt two, extremely broken, soul shaken, hateful boys.

I woke early this morning, covered in sweat and shaking. My hair was plastered to my forehead and neck, my hands trembling. I stand up and walk down the hall to Ryder's closed bedroom door. I'm still panting, so I lean forward and lean the top of my head on his door. I look down at the sweat that trickles down my bare chest, soaking the waistband of my plaid boxers. I lean back and forth, back and forth, banging my head on the door. Seconds later, Ryder throws the door open and looks at me with frantic eyes. He too is just in his boxers, but- like the strange person he has always been and always will be- his have pictures of Scooby-Doo on them. "What's up?" he asks, his eyes still wide. He looks me up and down, assessing the damage I guess. He grabs my wrist, pulls me into his room, and shuts the door. I sit down on his bed, within reach of his guitar stand. I reach out and gently pluck the strings. "Remember how I used to play that for you when you were little and you had bad dreams?" I nod. "Annoyed the hell out of Paulette and Steven," he said with a chuckle. "I had another nightmare, Ryder," I said and drug my fingers across all the guitar strings, making it sound close to melodic. "Okay? I don't see what the big deal is. You've been having them every night for 13 years. What makes this one any different?" he says, sitting down beside me. "This one was different, Ryder. Courtney was in it." "Okay, um, quick request," I raise my eyebrows and look at him, "Quit saying my name like that. Brings back way too many memories, man." "Anyway, you know how it's always the same dream?" He nods. "Okay, well instead of dad just killing mom and himself, this time...he killed mom, him, you, and Courtney." "Okay, so you must have been older in this dream, right? Because you always say that your 5 in the dream and I'm only 9. You didn't know her then, so- was it present day? Like, were we, like, older?" "That's just it, I don't know. You were still little, but I was tall in the dream. Mom looked up at me. What Mom said this time was different too. She was talking about Courtney." "Well, don't keep a man in suspense, what did she say?" "Well, you remember what she said, right? About how she hoped we would love the right people." He nods his head, while staring into my eyes with his brown ones. His black hair, identical to mine, was disheveled and sticking out. "Well, she said that she was proud of me. That her prayers had been answered, but she was still worried about you." Ryder's expression darkened, his skin paling. His eyes were wide as he stared at me. "I had a dream about her too. It wasn't about Dad killing them though. It was just us in the bathroom and her saying that she was worried about me and was happy for you." "Do you think it was like a sign to us?" "More like a sign to you, little brother. I guess Courtney's the one for you." "Are you sure? I mean, I don't believe in all that stuff about dead people guiding the living. As if they never got to carry out their guiding duty while they were alive." "What you just said is exactly what is happening though. She left us here and now she's trying to help." "Then why didn't she help us 13 damn years ago!" "I don't know! She knew that we were strong people. She probably figured we could make it through on our own. If she had helped we wouldn't be like this today," Ryder said. "Maybe it would better if we weren't like this," I said. "I remember whenever I would fall asleep after a high would wear off, I would dream of her and she would tell me how much better I was. She would tell me how disappointed she was and that I needed to just talk to you about it. It got to where I would hear her during the day too. That's why I wanted to die. I wanted her to leave me alone. But I also remember when I was bleeding out. My arm hurt so bad, but I kept hearing her telling me that I wasn't going to die. She had sounded so certain. So sure that I wouldn't die. Then you showed up and I heard her say that she loved me. She also said See, I told you I wouldn't let you die. It was if she knew that the pain would keep me awake and that you were going to get home soon. So, If I were you, I wouldn't let Courtney go." "I wasn't planning on it."