Keeping the Bad Boy

Chapter 35

Sam hasn't been at school for three weeks. After school, I begin the dreaded walk alone to my jeep. It's snowing a beautiful February snow. I had to stay late to help Mrs. O'Neil in her room, so my jeep is the only vehicle out here. I hear the loud growl of an engine and see a black hummer pull right up next to my jeep. I don't pay much attention to it so I keep walking. Someone jumps out of it and barrels towards me. He doubles over, putting his hands on his knees panting. His knuckles are split, his lip bloody, and his brow is bleeding. I gasp. "What happened to you?" I ask him. He straightens, revealing a familiar face. "Sam, I told him to come talk to you but he refused. He said you would hate him for what he did. We got into a huge fight and he punched me a last time, told me he hated me, said he wasn't the person that he used to be and that it was my fault he lost you at the hospital that day. He left and I don't know where he went," Ryder said, blood trickling from his lip. I began to cry. Ryder didn't say anymore, but his eyes conveyed what he was too scared to say. He was afraid that he had lost his brother once and for all. He was afraid that Sam wouldn't come back and that we wouldn't be able to find him. He was afraid that we had really and truly lost him.

We search everywhere and ride around in his hummer for what seemed like days. Ryder's eyes suddenly flare a crystal blue and he whispers to himself. "I know where he is." He drives us to a house that nobody had lived in for years-at least it looked like it hadn't been lived in in years. Sam's bike was laying in the snow covered grass. Ryder pulls into the driveway and jumps out. He runs to the door and throws it open and walks through the house calling Sam's name. The back door is open, a tiny pile of snow beginning to form just inside the doorway. As Ryder approaches the door, he opens his mouth to yell his brother's name again but stops in his tracks. He had been running all over the house but is suddenly frozen in his tracks just outside the door. Sam sits in the snow at the base of a giant, blood-stained oak tree. I look closer and see that his mother's necklace is twined in his fingers as he gently touches the tree with a shaking hand. A tear escapes down Ryder's cheek as he steps down off the porch into the snow. When he reaches Sam, he collapses to his knees and wraps his arm around his brother's shoulders, pulling him to himself. Sam drops his hand and buries his face in Ryder's arm pit. They turn so they can completely embrace each other. I can hear them sobbing from my place on the porch. They cling to each other like small children. They seem as if they will never let go of each other because they are too afraid and maybe they are. "Why," I hear Sam say, "why'd he do it, Ryder?" Ryder shakes his head and tightens his hold on his brother. "I don't know Sam. I wish I knew. . . God I wish I knew." I begin t cry harder and decide that this is their moment to share, so I wander back into the house. I retreat down the hall into the biggest bedroom. There was a large bloodstain on the ceiling so I quickly go across the hall to what I figured was Sam's room due to the many holes in the wall. I go next door to what had to be Ryder's room because there was no sign that anyone had ever existed in this room. I see something in the corner, so I walk over and kneel down. Carved into the wood floor are the words, I'm not brave anymore. I'm broken. They've broken me. I wipe tears from my cheeks and hear shuffling behind me. I turn around to see Ryder standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. This house held so many gruesome memories to them, and you could feel the cold, sharpness the home held. Nothing to show that children had lived there and had once been happy. Nothing showed that there had been a mother that loved her two sons more than anything. Nothing showed of a woman playing piano or a young boy playing the violin or his older brother playing the cello. Nothing was warm, nothing was cozy. Everything was cold, sharp. "Was this your room," I ask Ryder. He shakes his head. "This was Sam's room. He carved that into the floor over there that you were looking at. He carved one into my room too, but it says, you are my light and my anchor. I am forever grateful." A sad smile spreads across his face as he turns around and walks back down the hall. I stand in the room, looking around, imagining a little, happy Sam running around. Playing his violin, showing what he had accomplished to his mother. Hopefully he can be happy one day. Truly happy. I walk out and join the brothers outside.

Sam has his bike stood up and is brushing snow from the seat. Ryder lifts himself from where he was leaning on his hummer and walks over to me. "Who are you going to ride with?" he asks. Both of them were acting as if nothing had happened, but I guess with their history, you learned to brush off moments like this. My eyes dart over to Sam and Ryder nods. He waves to Sam, gets in his car, and leaves. Sam walks his bike over to where I stand. I wrap my arms around his neck and he buries his face in my hair. He takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he whispers. I pull back slightly and kiss his cold lips. His cheeks are stained with tears and there's dried blood under his nostril. "There's nothing to be sorry for," I say. "Don't be sorry for something like that," I say and look into his golden eyes that seemed to have dulled since the last time I saw him. They dulled with stress and anxiety. "I love you Sam," I whisper and place my ear over his heart, listening to its strong, steady beat. I look up at him and his eyes are closed, a content little smile on his face. I kiss his cheek and he opens his eyes. They're glowing like they weren't before. A steady, unwavering fire was burning within him. The fire I fell in love with what seemed like forever ago. "I love you too," he says and I swear that with those words, his eyes grew even brighter.