Sadness Hotline || Ethan Nestor x Reader

twenty

Content Warning:
Panic Attack
+
Final Unus Annus stream

Ethan's voice echoed through Y/n's ears as he and his friend, Mark sat together in black and white suits, along with Mark's girlfriend, Amy. The timer behind them slowly ticked: 10, 9, 8, 7...

Mark, Ethan and Amy looked to the camera, with their hands hovering over the 'delete channel' button.

"Momento Mori." They said in unison.

Y/n took one last glance at the chat, seeing pleads of those who had their lives entirely consumed in this temporary channel.

Then, they watched the clock hit zero.

The stream went blank, the channel disappeared, and remnants of the chat lingered.

Y/n sighed. They had invested much of their life into the channel, whether it was by helping Ethan and Mark film, or checking their videos for mistakes, or just watching the videos once they were uploaded, they felt sad.

Ethan would clearly be busy for a while after the stream but Y/n didn't hesitate to text him anyways:

Y/n: :(

They hesitated for a moment.

Y/n: im sad that it's gone eef :(

Come over when you're done?

They sat on their bed and grabbed the journal they had been writing in for a while, they didn't feel like writing right now, but they needed a distraction.

They opened to a page they had written on previously that had some blank space left, and began doodling a little astronaut, and as their mind drifted the page slowly filled with sketches and doodles, some more refined than others, but all decently drawn nonetheless.

As they fine-tuned a drawing of Mark and Ethan, the familiar sound of their text alert went off:

Eef<3: hey y/n, sorry you're sad :(

I'll be there soon with some chocolate!!!

Y/n: 🥺 thank you eef

Eef<3: of course :)<3

A small smile then shot onto Y/n's face as they sat down their phone.

They closed their journal and sat it on their nightstand as they hopped out of bed to get ready before Ethan came over.

They quickly showered, and changed clothes.

They sent a voice recording to Ethan as they brushed their hair:

"Hey Ethan! I'm getting ready right now but how long until you get here? Just wondering, love you, bye."

Y/n sent the recording not thinking of the words that had just come out of their mouth. They didn't realize they had said what they said until they received a reply from Ethan:

"Hey Y/n!! I'm at the store right now."

He paused for a moment as it sounded like he grabbed something from a shelf.

"I'll be there in like...15 to 20 minutes depending on traffic? I'll text you when I'm there. Love you too! Bye!"

Y/n, in a moment of confusion as to why Ethan said he loved them, checked their audio recording.

They listened to their voice repeat the words.

Love you...

Love you...

Love you...

Their cheeks reddened as they shoved their face into their hands.

"Oh no..." they groaned.

"Okay, this is fine. This is fine." They repeated to themselves as they stood up straight and looked at themself in the mirror.

Just don't think about it. He said it back. He doesn't think it's weird. It's fine.

Y/n repeated this same statement to themselves over and over again as they walked into their living room.

They sat down on their couch and just breathed.

Their chest felt heavy but they were doing everything in their power to stay calm. Their chest tightened, their hands started sweating, their eyes watered.

I'm overreacting.

They thought.

They quickly grabbed their phone and shakely scrolled through their spotify playlist to find a song.

They scrolled to Ethan's song they knew so well. The song that made them feel safe.

They put on their earbuds and pressed play.

They closed their eyes and took deep breaths, focusing on the song.

They hummed second verse as 2018 Ethan sang:

But now it seems that life's a dream
I'd rather wake from...

I stumble here to there, no truth that I can take from...

Y/n's heart slowly calmed to a normal beat, and as the song ended they took their earbuds out.

They felt better, not good, but better.

An; sorry if I made any mistakes recounting the unus annus stream, I wasn't there so i'm not sure what happened, and I'm just going off of clips I've seen & memory.

If there are any spelling/grammar mistakes please feel free to let me know!:)

Momento mori.

-Jax (he/him)