The Rebel Queen

10

I lay by the fire, playing with my necklaces. My fingernails trace the feathers and grooves on the mockingjay, sighing as I watch it shine in the flickering light. My other necklace, a bone Thor hammer rests beside it, the etching of protective runes raised above the rough scratches of the inner bones.

Peeta is asleep across from me, his face twitching slightly in his sleep. He looks so peaceful, less troubled than he might be in the waking world. All the angry faces and judging of the snowflake bedding the queen.

I hate it. He has proven his worth ten times over. He is an amazing, instinctual soldier. His metal work is excelling above Thresh's and is both decorative and functional. His eagle headed pomals with their skull crusher beaks are the new signature of my army.

He has excelled every expectation and still faces scrutiny. It hurts me that after everything he has done for us, people like Gale and his closest allies still act like he is useless.

They don't see what I see.

I sit up and pull my blanket around myself. I feel the necklaces fall back into my chest and I grip them together. Looking across the fire, I watch as he sleeps. He looks so peaceful, so safe in this dangerous place.

I pull my knees up and rest my chin on them, clutching them to my chest. A year runs down my cheek and I take in a breath, looking up at the sky.

The gods have been silent, no signs or dreams to Tigris on a next move. The snows have started to fall and while we have food for now thanks to Peeta's suggestion, the hungry weeks are coming, where none of us will have food save for pine needles and moss.

I am a lost, stupid girl who has no business being a leader. This is my third winter as such and each time, I have to watch as my people starve, freeze in the bitter cold, and be picked off by Capital insurgents on fruitless hunting missions.

I turn my face away from the sky and cry into the fur of my blanket, praying my sobs don't disturb my tent mate. It has been so long since I have allowed these kinds of silly, self putting tears to leave my eyes and do not want to be viewed in such a pathetic state.

I feel movement beside me and glance up as Peeta sits down next to me. I quickly wipe away my tears and he just smiles at me, paying no mind to my pitiful state. I try to look down but he tips my chin up to look at him.

"What is it that has you up at this hour?" He asks and I just blink at him.

"I couldn't sleep," I whisper, looking back at the flames and moving .

"Is there anything I can do to help?" He asks. I sigh, shaking my head.

"Unless you have the power to end winter," I say. "And make the herds come back and the plants flurish, I'm pretty sure you are shit out of luck in helping ease my troubles this night."

"Winter is not as peaceful as you made it seem, huh," he says and I shake my head.

"No, it is peaceful and beautiful," I say. "Just not for the one who is responsible for feeding and clothing the people of the shadow district I am trying to lead here." Peeta looks at our fire and sighs, shaking his head.

"I think that the hardships of winter are far too heavy for one woman to bear alone," he says, glancing at me. "Do your council have any input?" I shake my head, not daring to look at him.

"They only have ideas on a war that has been at a stalemate for months and will stay that way through winter," I say. "Even Tigris has seen no sign from the gods to even suggest what direction we might need to go."

"So you feel stuck?" Peeta says. I nod and his arm slides around me. I feel tense for a moment before I let out a deep breath and lean against his shoulder. "Quite a lot of pressure to be on those shoulders of yours, huh?"