title - not okay
warnings - depression, suicide, drugs, etc.
────────────
( y/n )
depression sucked ass. thats all i had to say on that topic, i was a very depressed person doctor diagnosed me at the age of fourteen gave me meds but with the help of all my dads side being druggies i well got addicted. i'm five months clean now at the age of 17 but i haven't taken a single pill in 5 months.
so every-time i get a headache, or some period cramps i can't take anything. but recently my depression is getting worse, i'm starting to ghost people again, i'm losing hope. all i wanna do is die but i can't say that or my friends get mad. its not like its my fault i wanna die, its my brain. but if i used that excuse people would laugh.
tonight hypehouse was having a party for the celebration of vinnie joining hypehouse, was i excited in the slightest bit? nope. nada. i hated parties with a passion. of course i was so proud of vinnie but i couldn't deal with seeing anyone right now.
it also sucked because i haven't been sleeping and no amount of make up could help me. vinnie hasn't been over because i forced him to stay at home, i may have used some words along the lines of come over and i'll break up with you and don't come over or i'll kill myself vincent
that seemed to do the trick, did i need him seeing me like this? no, but did i want him here to hold me while i let all my emotions out? yes. i really did. but being alone was for the better. i wouldn't ruin the great relationship i had, and i wouldn't be sent to psych ward.
it was currently only 5 pm and i just woke up an hour ago, my sleep schedule hasn't been the best. i hear a knock on the door making me furrow my brow, who had come over? i told everyone i was "sick" so i'd be left alone.
i open it to reveal my boyfriend, "holy shit" he gasps at my appearance, "yeah thanks great compliment babe" i say rolling my eyes at him. i go to shit the door but he stops me, letting himself in.
"vincent what did i tell you?" i ask glaring at him, "i know i know ypu said you'd break up with me or kill yourself but im not letting either happen" he says placing a brown paper bag on my kitchen island.
"i got you some of your favourite soup, pasta and baked goods" he smiles taking the foods out of the bag. god this boy knows how to make everything better. i feel my eyes fill up with tears and i immediately know more is coming, and i was gonna let him see the side of me i wanted to stay hidden.
"oh baby s'okay" he says wrapping his arms around me, i bit my lip trying not to let everything out, "let it out love, let it out" he whispers and that was my breaking point, i felt weak in my knees and i let myself collapse in his arms as i sobbed in his chest.
"your okay i got you" his whispered in my ear along with other sweet nothings, he carefully sat on the couch my in his lap as i cried, he rubbed my back trying his best to soothe me.
eventually i calmed down, vinnie sighed in relief. i stood up and walked into my bathroom laughing at my state, my hair was in a messy loose braid, my face was puffy and dried waterproof mascara stained my lashes. vinnie walked in behind me looking at me, he picked me up sitring my on the counter, he lightly washed my face with a face cloth before grabbing my skin care items.
he stood in between my legs as he did my skin care, after completing it he carefully took my hair out of the braid, lightly brushing it when it was out. he left me there before walking into my closet and grabbing some sweatpants and one of his hoodies he had left here, he also brought my some undergarments and let me change as he stood turned around in the corner making sure i wouldn't do anything to hurt myself.
once i was dressed he brought me into my room, he completely cleaned it changing my sheets and turning my favourite movie on, ariana grande: excuse me, i love you. he lays beside me holding me close.
"don't ever hide how you feel, i love you for who you are and if we're gonna be together baby i wanna know how you're truly feeling" he says and i nod letting a small smile take over my face.
"thank you for everything" i say placing a small kiss on his lips, "of course, anything for my baby" he says kissing my head.
authors note
some of this was based on how i'm feeling rn 😩
published: june 2021
