Park Bench

Chapter one

"Maybe he isn't cheating."
"What else would he be doing with that she-wolf at eleven on a Friday when he told me he was in Canada?"
"He could be working on a school project." I turn my head to get a good look at that naive face. Marcus' blond hair is clump together with dark mud making it look like dreds. His eyes all innocent and virgin. They're blue like a still lake in the morning, untouched, calm, clean, with potential. He has that potential I stomped on so long ago for myself. He should get out now while he has a chance. I should push him away yet all I want to do is pull him close, but I can't ruin him because if I do I would never forgive myself.
"A school project. Like what for sex Ed." My words slur together just a little. I'm not drunk yet just tipsy.
"He could still be committed to you. He may just want some change in his life. I can relate." His voice drops at the end of the sentence.
"Marcus, what's hopping in your brain?" His head raises and our eyes meet.
"I don't know." He shrugs.
"Yes you do." I tap each syllable on his shoulder.
"Okay, so there is this girl."
"That much I figured." Why does it hurt if I already knew it was coming? I guess the bullet stings even when you see the shot.
"She's like really, really pretty. She is that just right height where her head lands at the bottom of my sternum, but her hair reaches higher." He is shaking with excitement just talking about the girl. His eyes show hope and happiness not the lust I see in Danny's.
"Wait. Your sternum?"
"Yes."
"That's what you think of when you see her. That she lands at your sternum?" I put my hand on his sternum just to feel his warmth. He looks uncomfortable and it's endearing and adorable and weirdly sexy. His cheeks are rosy, but not from me from the chill in the car. He shifts his shoulders in that kind of "hide me" way.
"Well, when we hug it sort of hurts my chest because her ears are sort of pointy and she always wears these fish earrings. So, I notice where her head is in proportion to my chest."
"Okay, is she creeped out by your or is it sort of a turn on." He sighs and frowns. Oh Holy Mary he is attractive.
"If you're going to make fun of me I might as well stop."
"No, come on you know you like talking about her." I lightly punch his arm. I inhale a deep breath and the cold autumn air freezes my nose. The car is cold like a freezer like we are two pieces of fish sitting in the ice bleeding out. I can feel his warmth radiating off of him. He is the only warmth around me. He smells like mud. Mud isn't a good smell. Then why do I want to lick his face and bite his shoulder. HIS SHOULDER. It's so thick and scrawny. It's strong and weak. It could drive a girl to an asylum, but not me.
"Fine. What was I... Her hair. She has auburn hair that is a perfect balance of frizzy and curly and her eyes are a mysterious grey that makes me wonder like what's in her eyes even though they are just eyes."
"Marcus, this is very serious to your relationship with said girl. Is. She. An. Elf?" He glances up at me in a chastising manner. Hey, I know I promised to play nice but, nothing personal to the girl, how could I not.
"What? Come on! You said she has pointy ears, is short, and has red hair." I raise my eyebrows and give that 'you know I'm right' look.
"I like that she looks elf-like. And if anything she would be a leprechaun, but like a sexy hot leprechaun who wears like green fishnet tights and an exposing top." He defends.
"You're into that?" He shrugs.
"Not really but if that's who she was I would be."
"God, you're committed."
"Why wouldn't I. It's not like there's any other girl in my life."
"Marcus you could have the bitches if you wanted. They crave your virgin hunkiness."
"Do you?" There is silence. Only the distant sound of cars and traffic in the city. What do I say? I've been drooling over the gap in your teeth for the past hour or your shoulder literally makes me want to take your virtue. Is that acceptable? I know that I want him, but how could I squash his life with the elf?
"I dunno." Lame answer I know. His mouth parts, and my head explodes. He analyzes me and I adore him. His head shakes, and an angered demeanor sets on his face.
"Oh, right you probably prefer the rugged experienced bad boys. You know like your boyfriend. He seems really experienced."
"Was that a dig at me?"
"No I'm simply stating a fact."
"What fact is that?"
"If your boyfriend cheats on you he is experienced. I mean how many girls do you think he has, you know." My heart gives a literal jerk and my throat dries up leaving me to remoisten it with my spit. What's his motive? What does he have to gain from making me feel like a young clueless piece of trash who can't tell the difference between black and white.
"And you don't think I should date him."
"You aren't seriously considering staying with him after tonight are you?" He's so cryptic.
"Maybe. Why would you care."
"God, do you just use your brain to think of porno jokes or can you actually think."
"I know why you would care, but I want you to say it."
"Why do you want me to say it? Why do you feel the need to put me through unnecessary things."
"Like what! I have not forced you into doing anything. You came with me at your own free will."
"No, you forced me to come."
"But you came. It's not like a gun was held to your head."
"There was. A metaphorical gun."
"Stop with your philosophical shit. I don't care." A pause in the battle, he averts his eyes not making eye contact with me.
"About what?"
"About you. About Danny. About my shitty parents and my shitty grades and my shitty relationships and my shitty life. Why do you keep trying to help me? Huh, because you are the one forcing me. You are adding more unnecessary crap to my already crappy life."
"Jesus, you just don't get it."
"What is it that I'm missing out on, Marcus, because I'd really like to know how you have such a perfect life."
"I don't have a perfect life and you don't deserve my sympathy. Everything you do is to get attention, but really you don't need flashy clothes and a loud voice or crazy illegal actions. You only need yourself. But of course Reese Hayes can't do that. You are the one causing the shit to form. You let people play with you and you pretend it's all your plan."
"You don't even know me. I met you today. On a park bench!"
"Fine I'll leave because I don't want to add to your "shitty life". I want you to be happy and if that is made by reckless decisions and welcoming horrible people and shielding the good then okay."
"Sure leave see if it changes me."
"You know, I bet it won't." He slams the door closed and leaves. He leaves. He's gone. Of course he's gone. He's done just what I wanted. I crawl into the back seat, put on Marcus' forgotten jacket, and lay there. It is wet and muddy and smells like the dead raccoon, but I deserve it.