𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕦𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕 | 𝕜.𝕜𝕠𝕫𝕦𝕞𝕖

apologies

"i promise that i'm trying. i don't know what else i can say."

when she arrived home, katsuo turned on her. he wasn't angry, or rude - he was worried. "did that make you uncomfortable? i'm so sorry, i just thought that since you were already with them that they were your friends! and i so badly wanted you to be able to make friends and i guess i didn't ask you first and it wasn't at all how i thought it-"

her brother rambled, his hand gestures becoming more wild and panicked by the minute. gently placing her hand on his wrists, she stopped his erratic mannerisms. "it's okay." hanako promised.

breathing out a small sigh of relief, he pulled his sister into a hug. lovingly, his chin rested atop her head as he leaned down. she tried not to push him off of her. "how was it?"

hanako knew what he was referring to. school. the anxiety. her new "friends". tightening her grip on him slightly, she began to speak.

"i met a girl. a really nice girl, who i pushed away by being annoying and weird. now i feel guilty, but more than that i feel like i'm isolating myself. she made the effort to be nice to me, and i took that for granted. i can't imagine what she thinks of me."

that was a lie. all hanako could think about was how sakurai's opinion of her must've changed. she pondered all the obtrusive thoughts she incessantly thought of herself, and knew that sakurai must now be thinking them too.

"sounds like you need to apologise." katsuo commented, eating a small nod from the brunette girl still in his arms. quickly, he kissed her forehead and ruffled her hair before pulling away. "now, go text her or something before your remorse makes you cry yourself to sleep."

the taller boy let out a laugh as you slipped past him up the stairs. it's not like i won't cry myself to sleep anyway. opening the door to her room, hanako allowed herself to fall face first onto her black duvet.

her hands clutched the fabric, giving her something to hold on to. she needed to stay grounded. on the inside, my felt like she was falling - catapulting, actually - off a cliff. in all honesty, she prayed the ground was covered in jagged rocks. i deserve the pain. i'm so fucking annoying.

sitting herself up, she pulled out her phone.

sakurai

i'm so sorry

i made things uncomfortable
earlier

:)

it's okay <333333

it was my fault really

i got involved in your conversation
and i was gloating about your
skill which was probably really
rude of me

anyway i'm sorry :,(

you don't need to apologise

i'm at fault

i know that

turning her phone off, hanako sighed. it was a deep and frustrated sound that arose from the very bottom of her stomach. she couldn't bring herself to speak to sakurai any longer. she was just so...nice. the saito girl didn't know how to handle it.

she'd never been one to apologise, mostly because of the increasing pit of anxiety that churned in her stomach when she did, but she knew she had to. i should apologise to kenma and kuroo too.

shaking the thought out of her head, hanako decided that ignoring the issue would make it go away, and instead set off downstairs to properly congratulate her brother on his acceptance to the basketball team. that was another thing she did, express her emotions through food.

she cooked his favourite: yakitori with rice. aside from that, she started on a batch of cupcakes. they were coffee and walnut - katsuo had always loved the hopelessly bitter taste of coffee. it juxtaposed his personality beautifully.

that seemed to be a recurring theme with katsuo saito. ice blue eyes, so cold and threatening, though in reality they held a warm, and caring gaze behind them. intimidating height, so looming and terrifying that you'd run the other way if you saw him at night. still, he was gentle and soft.

then, there was the coffee. so bitter and harsh. katsuo was the opposite. so sweet and kind. beneath all her internal layers, hanako was the same. she cared a fierce amount for those she loved. it seemed to be a saito family trait.

"what smells so good?" oh. she's home. hanako didn't respond, stirring the icing she was making as the cupcakes rose in the oven. the click of heels sounded for a few short steps, before a small giggle and an "oops" were heard. she'd forgotten to take her shoes off again.

placing her hands on her hips, she eyed hanako with a wide grin. before she could talk, katsuo came into the room. "oh, hey mum. you're home." he nodded at her, leaning down a little as she ruffled his hair.

"that i am! now, what's the special occasion? you get a good test grade or something?" pushing her long midnight blue (dyed) hair over her shoulder, she pointed at the ingredients laid out systematically infront of hanako.

"it's the first day of school. we haven't done tests yet." he responded, voice deadpan as he eyed her. waving him off dismissively, their mother leaned towards hanako, giving her a brief kiss on the forehead as she dipped her finger in the icing.

hanako froze. not just from the unwanted affection that she wasn't used to, but the fact her mother hadn't washed her hands before doing that. how unsanitary. "it's for basketball." she said quietly, averting her eyes away from her over energetic mother. "he made the team."

a gasp came from the blue-eyed woman, clapping her hands together as she turned to her son. "yay! wow, that's so great!" beaming, she pulled katsuo into a hug, and he gratefully hugged her back.

a small shred of envy tugged at hanako. she wished she was more touchy. on a good day, she'd let her brother hug her, but that was it. well, sometimes she let him hug her because she knew he needed it. he needed something to make sure she was still there. okay. still, hugs made her feel so suffocated. small.

when she initiated physical contact, it didn't affect her as much, but she really wasn't used to skin ship. she craved affection of the physical form, but thinking about it made her feel all kinds of panicked.

she'd been consumed in her thoughts before the oven went off. "don't forget your oven gloves, hana!"

"right."

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