A New Life for Better or Worse {¶ Sleepy Bois Inc. ¶}

4. Broken Promises...

A/N HI SO BASICALLY I SAID A BIT ABOUT US/YOU NOT EATING, THAT IS GONNA BE IGNORED AND IM BARELY GONNA HAVE SCENES OF DINNER/MEALS SO YEAH THATS A THING LOL. Also if you were confused bout it, basically you didn't think you needed food/didn't deserve it, it turned into a bad habit that stuff, but it was never that bad since you had actually eaten normally for 10 years, and now your eating mostly regular amounts, but some days you just don't feel that you should eat at all, cause you don't deserve it and stuff like that. Ok cool xD. BTW SORRY IF I SWITCH FROM PAST AND PRESENT TENSE A LOT IM FUCKING BAD AT WRITING.

Your POV -.-

The trigger warning is for people who get triggered by reading about self hate. Stop commenting normal. I do not care about what you think about it, stop commenting "oh normal". The trigger is fucking there. Stop fucking commenting "normal". The continuous string of comments coming from this single chapter and this single trigger warning with you and your comment that you could've never sent, is what upsets me the most. This part was edited in on 2/16/22

TW: Self hate...

As you layed on the mattress in the closet that was now yours you rethought everything. Every, single thing. You stared up at the ceiling, the moonlight from the window next to you shining on your face. There was a small desk, and a bookshelf in the room. Phil had said that you could go shopping later, when you had gotten settled in. After unpacking the small things you had, you had put your computer on the small desk, and your phone next to your pillow. You were laying on top of the covers, not feeling the need to use them. As thoughts went through your mind, you slowly sat up and looked out the window. You always wanted to get away. From everything. You wanted to trust them, your new "family" but it was hard.

You could've saved him, you could've saved them. You could've been better, made it so that they didn't go away. Your brother hated you, that's why he left, and that's why he's never coming back. If only you were better you could've been loved by all your foster parents. You aren't good enough. You weren't supposed to accept and love again. That's it. That's the thought. That's the thought that made you rethink everything that had happened that day. After your first foster family, you made yourself promise that you would never open up, that you would never love and accept to be in a family again. Until you saw your brother. And you broke that promise. Your broke your own promise. Why? You weren't supposed to.

You sighed softly, standing up and making the mattress creak. You leaned over and unlatched the window, knowing that there was a roof there. You stepped through the window, and sat on the roof, letting the breeze move your hair softly. Your hair danced in the wind, making small waves. You always loved the night. Sure, it was creepy and the dark held unknown things, but it was so peaceful. Everyone, well mostly everyone was asleep. And you could just embrace the peacefulness, let the thoughts take over, and lay back and think. Even though they weren't good thoughts, and you wanted to escape them, you knew you had to face them.

The moon was surrounded by stars, and you tilted your head upwards, tears streaming down your face. You knew that you were sobbing, but your brain immediately filtered out the sound, making everything silent. Tears were streaming down your face, as you softly brushed a bit of hair out of your face. You shook your head silently, trying to understand why you had done it. You had accepted people. You were just going to lose them. That was what happiness was. You had them for a while, and then you lost them. When you lost them, you would go through pain and suffering that would never go away. You didn't want to admit it, but you were upset. You were upset at your parents, and your brother. You knew, well hoped that your brother would find you one day, but you had eventually come to the answer that you were never going to see him again. Your parents were long gone. Your brother had broken the promise that he was gonna find you, and your parents had broken the promise that everything was going to be ok. Too many broken promises...