Later. || Jikook

20. Twenty

Jungkook dropped him off at his front door and drove away, that's when Jimin realized he had to fix his issues with his mother on his own now.

He entered the house and found it exactly how he left it. His mother's door was still closed and the decorations still on the floor.

He chose to stall the discussion as much as he could and took off his jacket, sitting down by the tree and putting the decorations one by one. He hated the task but he'd rather be doing that than crying again, at least not yet.

After finishing the tree, he decided to move on to the fairy lights, occasionally looking over at his mom's bedroom to see if there's any change.

I guess I have to draw her out of there, he thought as he played the song she paused way earlier. Jimin couldn't believe he'd been out for more than 3 hours. He really just wanted to go for a walk and come back but he ended up hanging out with unexpected people, doing unexpected things.

He was hooking the lights behind his father's framed pictures when he heard the bedroom door open. He turned around and saw his mother walk out of it with a bottle of wine in hand.

She's drunk, great, this is going to be one whole mess. He thought and sighed.

"I'm back" he simply announced and she nodded, taking the time to look at the living room, all pretty and illuminated.

"Y-ou did this?" she asked, putting the bottle on the island and leaning on it.

"Yeah"

"I thought you hated it"

"I do" he said and she just stared at him for a moment "I'm sorry mom" he added and she walked over to him, pulling him into a hug that he returned whole-heartedly.

"I love you baby, you know that right?" she whispered and he nodded in her hold.

"I love you too, so much" he replied and pulled her over to the couch "We need to talk about it mom" he said and she raised her eyebrows.

"About what"

"Dad. We need to talk about everything we've been through ever since... I wasn't so fond of the idea but somebody convinced me" he admitted and she squeezed her knees with her hands, feeling very nervous as well.

"I thought we silently agreed not to bring it up" she pointed out and he nodded.

"I'm sorry mom, I'm just not dealing with it as good as I thought I would be " he bashfully said.

"Don't apologize, my boy, I shouldn't have assumed you would" she replied, cupping his face and running her thumb on his cheek.

"I'll start... " He looked down.

"When dad was getting very sick... I was terrified of what it might mean, I was sort of in denial too... I kept thinking he would get better eventually and that everything will end, I used to tell myself that I shouldn't worry too much because dad was strong enough to survive that" he said, his voice starting to waver.

"When dad died- last March... I didn't know what to do, I saw you were so heartbroken, crying every night, you were going through hell and I didn't want to add up my issues on top of that" he said and she shook her head, holding his hands and trying to soothe him.

"I didn't think the illness would win over, but when it did, I just kept thinking it was okay and that was how life is. I thought I would get better if I helped you get better and that we would live well as long as we tried to think about dad in the happy memories" he tried to explain.

"Sometimes I didn't want to see you mom, just because I would see how sad you were. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep because I had no one to talk to... Then I just completely blocked off the feelings of grief to a certain point that I didn't even wanna think about dad in the first few months" he said and she started tearing up again, she pulled him into another hug and pet his hair.