Smoke Break; TEN

XIV

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There was a distinct excitement buzzing through the house, so you plopped onto the couch with everyone. Ten was still calming down from his nightmare and taking a shower.

"What is everyone so happy about?"

Everyone looked at Xiaojun and you suddenly got a bad feeling. "Well, you showed us that picture of your mom and that seemed like a big step for you. I guess we just want to help you take another step and tell us why you hate your brother."

You pressed your lips together in a sad way. You were hoping that they were just having a good day, but they were asking you to do something that you couldn't do yet.

"I can't." You whispered.

"Okay, here," Xiaojun shifted in his seat. "Why don't we tell you stuff that's hard for us to say out loud? Will that help?"

"No, Xiaojun-"

They started talking over one another to tell you things, trying to get you out of your shell. You shook your head as you caught certain phrases: "I couldn't stop crying.", "He was gone, just like that."

You bit your bottom lip to keep them from hearing a sob that was emerging from your throat, but it slipped out anyway. It was almost as if someone muted them, it got so quiet so fast. They had never heard or seen you cry before.

"Minli?" Yangyang whispered.

You looked up and the tears in your eyes, the way they weren't falling until you blinked, and they all came down in a cascade of sadness, made their hearts pound against their chests. They finally pushed you over the edge and that wasn't their intention.

"I haven't had the time to grieve over that part of my past, over the humanity that I lost. I've been too caught up trying to make up for it." Your voice broke a couple times and turned into a broken whisper. "Let me do that, and maybe then I'll be able to tell you what happened."

Your chest jumped with a struggle to catch your breath. The guys watched you wipe at your eyes and get off of the couch. Ten was almost at the bottom of the stairs when he saw you walk out of the front door, still wiping at your eyes.

"Was she crying?" Ten asked.

Everyone stayed quiet. If Ten found out that they made you cry, he would be more disappointed than angry, but Ten being disappointed in someone was worse than anything else.

Ten held his hands out. "Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, she was crying." Lucas mumbled. "We made her upset."

"Did you ask her about Minsu again?"

"We thought that we could make some more progress, but we just pushed her too far this time. We weren't trying to, and we'll be more careful." Xiaojun said.

"For five years, she has never cried in front of us." Ten pointed to the front door that you had just walked out of. "After all of the things that we've been through- getting arrested, getting injured, helping each other when it got hard, she finally cried because you couldn't mind your business?"

"Xiaojun said that we didn't do it on purpose." Hendery said. "We already know we messed up, Ten."

"Okay. Did you ask her why she hated Minsu?" They nodded. "What did she say?"

Yangyang put a bubble in his mouth as Kun said, "She said she couldn't tell us."

Ten gave them the "exactly" look. They knew they were in the wrong, and Ten made their guilt worse.

"You don't need to stand up for her." Xiaojun said.

"I know, but I'm her boyfriend. What kind of man would I be if I didn't stand up for the people that I call family?" He questioned. "The people that I hold close deserve to have someone on their side."

Ten turned away from them and headed out of the front door. You were sitting in one of the chairs on the porch, knees to your chest and a blanket around your shoulders. There was a cigarette in between your lips, a shaky hand holding it in place. As you exhaled the smoke, he noticed that you were still crying, silently crying.

"Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay, Ten?"

You looked at him as the sound of your broken voice hit his ears. You didn't look okay, he shouldn't have asked. Honestly, he had only seen you like this two other times. It was usually when something was really bothering you. You were completely drained, you almost looked sick.

Sitting in the cold definitely didn't help.

"I shouldn't have asked it that way." He said. "I should've asked you what was bothering you?"

You looked straight again, into the trees and the cloudy sky. You put the cigarette in between your lips again, and inhaled for one, two, five seconds. Another big cloud of smoke escaped your lips.

"The thirteen year mark of her death is coming up."

Ten put his knees to his chest, just like yours. "It's the same day as your birthday, isn't it?"

You flicked the ash from the cigarette into the ash tray and looked at Ten. You didn't have any more energy to lie.

"Yeah." You sighed. "How'd you figure it out?"

"We already know the date of her passing, but you never really told us an exact date for your birthday. We always celebrate it the day after the anniversary of her death, but I've heard you ask yourself, "Why on my birthday?" so many times. We put two and two together, Minli."

"And I just thought I was a good liar." You scoffed. "Why hasn't anyone brought that up, but Minsu always gets brought up?"

He looked at you again, and was surprised at the eye contact that was made. "Because Minsu is alive, and we can help you do something about him. Your mother's death is a different type of sensitive, and there's really nothing we can do to make it better."

All you did was nod. He had a point, you were just too angry to admit that he was right. You put the cigarette out and stood up as you tightened the blanket around your body.

"It's too cold out here."

You said that out loud, but you felt cold even when you stepped inside, where the heater worked well. You were cold because there was an absence of warmth.

You felt alone, despite living in a house with six other people.

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