Dakini's Hope

Chapter 20

"Okay, what's going on?" Presses Chase as we finally reach the bench that we had started at. I take a seat and look up at him in fake confusion. I've gotten so used to faking emotions of almost any kind nowadays that it's not exactly hard for me to pull off a convincing expression at a moment's notice.

"I don't know what you mean." I reply, leaning back into the bench and closing my eyes as he takes a seat next to me.

"You've been silent since we left those wolves - and you haven't smiled once since then." He says, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his gaze studying me like he probably would a complex maths problem. I deliberately pretend to look at the river so he can't look at me through the blindfold. "What's on your mind?"

How lucky you are not to be born with this Curse.
How you don't have to worry about hurting anyone because you can't control yourself.
What a monster I'm going to turn out to be.
Whether or not I'm going to go insane from the Curse when I'm older.
Whether or not I'm going to end up like my father...

These thoughts bubble silently under my skin, but I refuse to speak them out loud - so I offer up the only thing I can. "I told you, it's nothing." I reply quietly, opening my eyes and matching his position.

"Dakini, come on." pushes Chase, his voice taking on a harder and stubborn tone. "I can tell something is bothering you and it's killing you to keep quiet. Tell me what you're actually thinking."

I remain silent for a few minutes, quickly thinking up some kind of excuse, but none come to my mind and I begin to get irritated with myself for being too pathetic to even be able to lie for myself. "I told you, it's nothing." I growl, letting a warning enter my voice unintentionally. "Just let it go, will you?"

"No." He replies, his own voice becoming mildly annoyed. "I won't 'just let it go'. Please, Dakini." Chase turns his head away and takes a deep breath; obviously trying to keep himself from losing his temper. "I want to help. But I can't do anything if you don't talk to me."

Now my irritation is getting mixed with grief at never being able to tell him who I really am - or what I am. Tears fizzle up in my eyes and I clench my fists; trying to stop myself from losing my temper. My vision remains the same but the emotions just keep building, building, building...

"Please, Ducki. Let me help you." Chase puts his hand on my knee.

The bottle explodes and I abruptly get up as angry and emotional tears begin to free fall down my cheeks; trying to leak out of the blindfold and reveal all.

"THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO!!" I scream. "THERE'S NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO TO HELP ME!"

Before he can react, I bolt off at full speed; aiming for the park gates. I don't hear him chasing me as I burst out of the park and head for home; my eyes hurting from holding back so much emotion and my head hurting from finally letting all this bottled up emotion out.

I take my phone out of my pocket and turn it off. I don't want to talk to anyone - not my mum and especially not Chase right now. It might have been a harsh way to tell him to stop asking, but it had to be done otherwise I would've ended up spilling all of this to him.

Monster.
Loser.
Bitch.
Abomination.
Cursed.

The gun is loaded with bullets of insults again and aimed right at my head as the trigger is pulled - by my own finger. I unlock the house and burst through the door with a tidal wave of emotion crashing around inside my head. I slam it shut and bolt straight upstairs and throw myself upon my bed; sobbing my heart out. This is one of those rare days where I actually consider the impossible - not quite ending it all, but another way of letting the emotions flow free. If my arms weren't so sore from riding, I probably would have but I can't do that to my mum. I roughly pull off my blindfold and throw it across the room towards the window.