Gone Girl

Chapter 13

Fuck. What am I doing?!

Oh my god, what is wrong with me? No, fuck. No.

I suddenly gain a bit of clarity and I look for my bra trying to clip it back on fast.

Where the fuck is my top?!

James stands in front of me flaunting it.

"Give it back, piece of shit," I yell at him.

"No. He interrupted our good time," he says. "I'll give it back after we fuck." He smirks and I get a sudden urge to slap him. This fucking pervert.

I look at him and he doesn't even seem drunk, let alone high...

He won't give it to me, no point in trying. I rush out of the bedroom, running back to the living room. In a bra.

Everyone turns to stare at me and the drunk boys start cheering. I feel extremely uncomfortable.

"Take this." Shanice hands me a hoodie.

Oh my God.

"Thank you..." I put it on and everyone is still laughing, I run to the entrance door, he is for sure leaving.

What if he already left?

I run towards the street and Louis is waiting there. Now I'm so glad he doesn't have a car.

"Louis!" I scream his name and he doesn't want to turn around.

"I'm so sorry." I walk towards him. "I didn't want to hurt you."

I'm standing right behind him and he finally turns around, I can feel his eyes piercing through my soul, he looks like he's been crying. Crying over me?

I can feel my heart shattering into a million pieces.

"What are you saying sorry for?" he asks and I cannot comprehend what he is talking about. Maybe it's the cocaine mixed with alcohol.

"What?" I ask perplexed.

"What are you saying sorry for?" he repeats himself and I think I finally get it.

"I..." I cannot bring myself to talk.

"You said nothing happened between us, so, what are you sorry for?" He comes closer to me.

"I- I don't know," I stutter.

"So you don't remember that we kissed? I was way drunker than you, Veronica."

Fuck.

I sit there in complete silence and he cups my face with his hands. I flinch, he notices, and lets go of my face.

I can only handle being touched when I'm drunk or high. When I'm sober it almost always brings me flashbacks from that morning...

"You smell like alcohol and weed, your pupils are so dilated. What are you doing?!" he interrogates me. I can feel the judgment behind his words.

He notices I ignore his question, he looks frustrated with my silence. I'm giving him no answers and he has so many doubts.

"Why James," he mutters and I can feel his breath right on my lips.

I frankly don't know why, or is it just the coke? But James got high with me, right?

My memories are so clouded, I cannot remember if he drank with me, if he did coke with me...

I don't want to tell Louis that, he will think bad of me and he will probably tell my parents, thinking he is doing the right thing.

"If that's how you want it to be..." he says in defeat as he backs off. He is disgusted by me, which brings memories of how I felt after that morning when I hated myself when I thought I was dirty. Well, I still think so.