Red Room Hours with John Tan

Silence

When John pulled his car into the entrance of the hospital your mom was waiting, arms wrapped around herself as if in a hug. She leaned into the passenger window to thank John for looking after you again, neither of you mentioned him spending the night. She looked more ragged than yesterday with dark circles under her eyes, hair smooshed to one side, clearly from sleeping in a chair. John graciously accepted her thanks and when your mom walked to the trunk to remove the bags he pulled your body across the center console. He kissed your lips then hugged you close and pressed his lips to your temple.

"Don't forget you promised to keep in touch babygirl." He eased his fingers down your arm until they intertwined with yours. "I'll keep my phone near me, and I'll make sure we take breaks so I can check it." His fingers felt heated against yours and you didn't want to leave the car and face everything. You wanted to stay and think about how they felt in other places too. The thought made you ashamed of yourself.

"We'll be okay here, don't change your plans." You leaned into his shoulder and felt his lips skim your brow, his breath still minty as he lowered them against your cheek.

"You promised. Talk to you soon Y/N." You tightened your fingers in his then regretfully let yourself be coaxed from the car by your mom. You both watched as his car pulled away, rounding the drop off lane and disappearing onto the street beyond.

"You both seemed," she paused slightly, "friendly." Despite the tiredness of her voice, you could hear the hints of interest.

"He's been there for me and I would have fallen apart without him, but whatever is happening between us, I would erase it if it meant Dad would be alright. I'd never have wanted this to be the reason we became so close." Your stomach clenched even admitting that you could give him up.

"But didn't you say you were together when you got the call from your brother?" She held the door for you as you entered the spacious lobby of the hospital, it was sparsely furnished with uncomfortable looking chairs and a huge rounded visitor's desk. She guided you down a hallway to the left and pressed the up button in a bank of elevators.

"We were on a date, our first actually." You took one of the bags from her hand, needing something to do with your own to keep from fidgeting under her gaze.

"Oh Y/N, I'm happy for you, and also sad. It must make all these feelings even more confusing for you both."

"I don't want John to think he's obligated to stick around because everything happened. I want him to stick around because he's into me, how will I know now?" This was a dangerous path to be going down, the agonizing uncertainty of your dad's condition combined with the uncertainty of why John wanted to be your boyfriend made you feel awful.

"You're not going to figure it out right now. Until we know what's going on with Dad, and how things are going to turn out, you'll just have to decide if you want to accept his help or if you'd rather give yourself space." The elevator opened, blissfully empty and she entered first, pressing the 5th floor button. "I think that having him around would be comforting, especially with Kasey so far away."

You knew that was true, you had other friends at school, and you were confident they would step in to support you, drive you places, or feed you if they knew. The difference was that in John's arms you felt like the world stopped spinning so rapidly. Falling asleep last night you'd felt the peaceful silence that only came from knowing that John lay next to you. Counting his breaths, feeling his warmth, and you couldn't think of anyone else that would have given you the same solace.

Back in your father's ICU room nothing had changed from last night, tubes and wires still snaked around him giving him fluids and monitoring everything from his heart to his breathing. Your mom set the food on the sill that stretched out into a wide window, the drab view of the parking lot below. It did however let some natural light in, making the space feel more cheery than the reality of the situation.