Never The Same

Chapter One- The Burrow

Squinting Harry awoke, looking around at the familiar space of Ron's cluttered room, that he was now in thankfully by himself as Ron had decided to room with Hermione- no surprises there. He was finding it uncomfortable at the Burrow for the first time in a while, the only other time he remembers being uncomfortable was his very first visit when he first arrived and that had quickly vanished as he got to know the Weasley clan.

Now it felt awkward, he couldn't help but feel responsible for the death of Fred, despite Ron's constant reminder that he was basically his brother and that virtually nothing could stop Mrs Weasley loving him, even the death of her biological son.

What seemed to make it worse Harry thought as his head flopped back onto the pillow his eyes gazing at the oak ceiling is the fact he had broken up yet again with Ginny shortly after returning the elder wand to Dumbledore. He had a feeling for a long time that he didn't love her the way he should. He didn't feel like it was fair to her to keep it going when he didn't feel the same.

Even though Harry should be the one to feel embarrassed as shortly after breaking up with Harry, Ginny went on to date Luna Lovegood an eccentric Ravenclaw who had been fearless during the war, even after being locked in the cellar of Malfoy Manor for weeks on end. That had shown Harry, why couldn't he move on and find someone new, it wasn't like he wanted Ginny back, there was something missing but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was.

He was brought back from his thinking by a loud cry of

"Breakfast! Everyone down! There are letters for you all down here!"

from Mrs Weasley. Harry shot out of bed, this is what he was hoping for all summer, even though he was terrified to head back to the place where the Dark Lord himself was defeated, by Harry's hand, he was excited to get out of here even if it was only for the school year, then he could go and find his own place, maybe have even found someone by then.

Harry desperately wanted a family. He wanted to give his kids everything that he never had- parents for a start. He wanted to give them the love and affection he never received from his Aunt and Uncle let alone his cousin. He never felt like it would be something he would get to do especially after this year, virtually dying has made him think about a lot of things. Namely how lucky he is to be here, seeing all those people, teachers, school mates and family really put perspective on a lot of things and it wasn't something Harry wanted his kids to ever have to feel let alone go through. That's why he wanted a family.

He pulled on some jeans and a t-shirt and plodded down the stairs, Hermione, Ron and Ginny were all already sat around the table reading their letters. Harrys was waiting for him in the seat next to Hermione.

"Morning"

He said to the three.

"Morning Harry," Hermione said back "how you sleep last night?"

Harry had been having trouble sleeping since the war- he had always had nightmares but when they are real events being played back to you it makes it ten times worse.

"Fine" They knew it was a lie. Harry knew this by the look shared between Ron and Hermione. They thought he couldn't see. Like he was born yesterday. but he knew, he heard the whispered conversation about how he was lifting weights going out on runs never sleeping, earlier in the summer Hermione had confiscated very Mrs Weasley-esque the muggle alcohol he had stashed under his bed. He knew she was doing it to help him but he turning ignore the slight annoyance it caused him whenever they did it, he was an adult for Merlin's sake he didn't need to be babysat.

Opening his letter he ate some toast, skimming over the letter he tuned into the conversation Ginny and Ron were rather heatedly having,

"What the hell Ron she's my girlfriend!"

"What do you mean she's your girlfriend" Ron replied

"You know what I said, she's been here pretty much all summer and you barely even look at her let alone acknowledge her presence! Ever since I came out you have been distant and cold to me Ron and it hurts! How could you do this to me, Ron, I really thought you would support me- of all people!"

With that Ginny stood up, her chair loudly scraping behind her and storming out of the house.

"Wait- Gin I didn't mean it like that, it's just a lot to take it that's all!"

"I think you're a bit past the taking in stage mate," Harry spoke suddenly, he didn't know why but something Ginny had said resonated with him, apart from that one time with Cedric in the fourth year- which at the time he bagged down to stress from the tournament. Hed only had experiences with girls, Cho and Ginny, he did like the both of them but what was making want to stand up for Ginny so much, why was he feeling so defensive over Ginny and Luna's relationship.

I mean he had looked at guys of course but he just thought that's what everyone did. I mean sometimes he caught himself looking at Malfoy for slightly too long, come on he couldn't like Malfoy, maybe he just needed to experiment when he got out of Hogwarts. You never know.

Hermione's words brought him back to reality,

"I'm going to check on her, Ron I think you need to apologise please."

Even though she said please Harry could tell she wasn't suggesting, whenever Hermione said anything with a hint of pleading they knew it was a losing battle to try and resist.

Harry went back to his thinking over his breakfast, maybe he was gay. If he was it was certainly going to be an interesting year at Hogwarts, Harry smiled to himself, especially with his new 'physique' as Ginny jokingly put it.

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