A Song for You

Chapter 5

I just knew I had to tell them as I continued bawling my eyes out in front of Linda and Jens as much as I didn't want to play 200 questions with them. And with Linda especially. I felt myself calming down after a while and soon enough, Linda and Jens can hear me hiccuping as my tears subsided. Right there and then, they sensed that I was about to start talking.

"Feeling better now, Mama?" Linda asked.

"Yeah," I nodded through my tears, which were still subsiding.

"I'm going to leave you guys to it," Jens said quietly as he turned to Linda. "I think you two need alone time."

Linda nodded in response as she kept holding me as my tears continued subsiding and Jens walked out of the room. And soon enough, I finally gathered up the courage to speak up some more.

"I'm so sorry Linda," I said sadly once I gathered up the courage to talk again after my breakdown.

"For what?" Linda replied as we sat down on the couch and she turned to me.

"For being a burden," I replied. "You didn't have to witness me having a breakdown like that even though I just needed to be held."

"Mama, you're not a burden," Linda replied reassuringly before her face fell and grew serious. "But be honest with me, Mama. That song you're writing...."

"What about the song I'm writing?" I replied, sounding confused and with a confused yet also serious look.

"It's not really a lullaby like you said?" Linda asked in the most innocent way that I haven't seen in ages. Not since she was a little girl. "It's about Papa, isn't it?"

"Yes it is about Papa sweetheart," I replied reassuringly. "How did you know?"

"Well it's just that I haven't seen you cry like that in a really long time," Linda replied. "And I know you still love Papa. You still have a lot of feelings for him. And when you told me that you were writing a song for your new album, I put two and two together."

"Well yeah I suppose," I replied before I felt myself about to cry once more. "I'm sorry I'm writing a song about him! It's embarrassing for me to tell you that I'm still in love with your father who most likely doesn't love me back! I know he doesn't love me back so the song I'm writing for him is useless anyways!"

"Mama, it's ok to still have feelings for Papa and to write a song for him," Linda replied reassuringly as she held me tightly. "And I'm sure he still loves you just as much as you still love him."

"No Linda, it's just not worth it!" I exclaimed through my tears. "But I've already started writing the song so it has to be about him!"

I began crying even more and it was an uncontrollable torrent. My tears were pouring down like a waterfall and it must've been heartbreaking for both Linda or anyone to watch.

"Mama, have you considered the fact that Jörgen and Peter have asked you to write a song?" Linda asked as she made me face her and look her in the eye. "And that it could be any song. It doesn't have to be about Papa."

"I know it doesn't have to be about Papa," I replied through my endless river of tears. "But I want it to be about him and therefore, it will be about Papa."

"Ok I understand but if it's making you that upset than maybe it's best to either write a song about something else or maybe just not write a song at all," Linda replied.

"Yes I know that Linda," I replied as I began wiping my tears with the back of my hand. Linda quickly noticed this and handed me a tissue. "But I've already made up my mind!"

"Sounds fair," Linda sighed. "But can you please take a break for the rest of the night and not go anywhere near the piano until tomorrow night at the latest?"