A Song for You

Chapter 6

Three Days Later

A few days had passed since my breakdown and while I eventually did take a break from my songwriting, I still couldn't think of any new ideas. I was really starting to second guess myself and my songwriting abilities at this point. This is obviously not the first time this has happened but it always does. I'm just not a good songwriter or at least not as good of a songwriter as Jörgen is and same goes with Björn and Benny. And this explains why Disillusion was the only ABBA song I've ever wrote. I just had a lot of doubts and I still do.

It's so hard and frustrating and I think when one begins writing songs themselves, that's when reality starts to kick in. I'm simply not proud of any of the songs that I wrote since I became a member of ABBA and even after ABBA and this new song is no exception. It's too hard and with that being said, I should probably just give myself a break before I have another breakdown. Luckily for me, it's the weekend and Jörgen went on vacation with his family but I still have to keep writing this song as we are planning to finish recording by the end of September/beginning of October and we are almost at the end of July.

Speaking of which, I'm somewhat already looking forward to promoting my new album, which already has a name. And it's a very simple name as a matter of fact. It's going to be called A, simple as that. Why is my new album just simply called A?, you might ask. Well, if I have to be honest, it was all Jörgen's idea. The letter "A" can mean anything, especially in my case. My name is Agnetha, I am the first A in ABBA, and as a matter of fact, A could stand for ABBA as a whole. So yeah, that one letter can mean anything in my life time. In fact, it can also stand for Åse, which is my middle name. Not that anyone cares though but I'm just pointing that out for anyone's sake sort to speak.

So now here I am, at home here in Ekerö, finally giving myself the break I should've given myself three days ago instead of beating myself up over having to write a song for my one and only true love: Björn Kristian Ulvaeus. I really do wish I was Mrs. Ulvaeus again instead of just plain old Ms. Fältskog and now Lena gets to be Mrs. Ulvaeus for the rest of her life. Like I keep saying, I have nothing against Lena and she's genuinely a very nice person and everything but maybe I'm just jealous.

Jealous of the fact that she loves Björn just as much as I do. Jealous of the fact that she and Björn first started going out together just one week after I made the dumbest decision I've ever made in my life. Jealous of the fact that they got married and are still married after nearly 35 years. Jealous of the fact that Björn had more children and grandchildren and so much more. Hell, it's even safe to say that Lena is also a lot prettier than I am, both physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Me? I'm just a nervous wreck. I don't deserve Björn after everything that I've done and here I am trying to write a song for him that I know he won't appreciate and will just make him hate me even more than he already does. Maybe the only reason why we still get along is because we have children and grandchildren between us along with the fact that we are both public figures so we are only being friendly for the sake of the children, the grandchildren, and the public. And to be honest, I'm sure he still loves me like Linda and Christian are always telling me but I doubt it.

I mean I remember the fans all going crazy when Björn and I appeared together in Copenhagen nearly two years ago for the Danish premiere of Mamma Mia. He was initially supposed to go on his own and I had initially been hesitant, but we ended up going together and it was the best night of my life and I'm sure it was the best night of his life. We both looked so happy that night, even after that minor breakdown while the Danish actress playing Donna performed The Winner Takes It All.

Well, no matter how happy we were, I was 100% sure that this was only a one time thing. And I still think that. He was going to return home to his wife and children and their grandchildren after all. It just wasn't worth it for me to keep trying if the love of my life and the only man I've ever loved and my one true love wasn't going to love me back as much as I loved him and still do. And as for The Winner Takes It All, that has to be the best ABBA song I've ever sung in my life even if that song was about our divorce or maybe just inspired by our divorce.