This Is Where We Are

we all have our secrets

Everything in disarray they meet once again.  Shane's couch becoming Bette's second home and Bette becoming Shane's regular resolve.  Alice had pretty much had delved so far into her own shamble of a relationship she had hardly been seen in these past few months.  Nightfall came and vulnerability creeped as it did almost every night that the friends shared together.  Carmen, Nadia, Molly, Tina, and Jodi all topics of conversation. Laughter overtook them in their "uplifted" conversation.  "I don't think I've ever been this open with anyone before in my life" Bette confesses.

"It's just because you're high, but I'll take that as a compliment".  Shane giggled.  High no doubt, but she was at peace weary because she had never felt so at ease with anyone not even Tina.  With Shane there was no fear of being judged because in some ways they were the same.  Destructive, impenetrable, broken, and unwilling to be loved, but they were solid.  Shane told Bette things in confidence that she would never tell a soul.  They poked at the reason for the destruction with Molly and rambled on about the Fiasco with her new wife Quiara.

Both astonished at the fact that Shane had tied the knot.  "I needed something, I needed this to feel whole".  Shane admitted.  Inhaling a cigarette she gives away more as she says "the crazy part is after all of that I still don't feel alive and I'm still alone".  "What's so great about that"? Shane begs. "It just a matter of going I think, we have just keep waking up going and doing every day like none of it phases us.  Once in a while faking a smile as we push through". Bette answers.  Grabbing Shane's cigarette letting go and falling back she looks discontent " what do I know?  I'll tell you what I fucking know and that's that I'm  so fucking tired Shane".  Bette sobs

"If you're tired I can drive you home or you could stay here on the couch".  Shane blindly says.  "That's not what I mean, I'm mean, I'm just tired of pushing through.  I miss Kit, I haven't felt alive without Tina, my daughter is growing up so fast, and I am just tired" Bette says in vulnerability.  Confused and unsure of what to offer Shane just stares.  She has never really been the type to offer affection, but for some reason with Bette she tries. Bette sobs and blabs her feelings to Shane's shoulder not even thinking that she is listening. Consumed with empathy and compassion Shane holds her hands to Bette's cheeks assuring her that she would get through it.  Pessimistic Bette denies that she would shooting down every scenario of hope that Shane could throw out.  Frustrated at Bette's refusal to see she abruptly grabs Bette by the wrists yelling at her to stop.  Shook by the command in her voice Bette stops puzzled. Shane gathers herself and slyly chuckles "listen to me woman, this is a part of life, we all go through some shit and we get through some shit, but we can't let it drive us crazy".  Shane assures.  Bette's eyes widen and tears build " I dont know if I can" she reveals.  Shane comes closer hoping to offer assurance.  They both become overwhelmed with their secrets and cry deeply.  They cry with darkness and reverie.  Bette breathes shallowly and apologizes to Shane.

Shy suddenly Shane tells Bette she never needs to apologize.  Bette withers to the ground and presses her hands against her head.  As Shane begins to take a seat Bette stops her.  Placing her hands against the shaft of Shane's pants she looks up almost inviting.  Neither with boundaries or inhibitions they venture closer to recklessness.