This Is Where We Are

Fuge

     To want, to hate, love, to lust, but not be whole.  Tina reads from her journal of thoughts after she is angrily dismissed by Bette.  Overtaken by so many emotions that couldn't be explained but mostly covered by the shrill of anxiety.  Tina fights to regain air and her thoughts.  Knowing that she had hurt the love of her life was a blow she wasn't ready to face again.  In the past it wasn't Bette who had made grand gestures for their relationship; it was Tina and not in the way of normalcy.  It took hurt to get Bette to understand the unhappiness, the complacency, and the vulnerability that Tina often kept hidden.

     She initially hadn't intended to leave for good at least not without a fight for the last time.  Somehow this time turned out to be different and much more damaging.  Absent of explanation there was a new person in Tina's life, a polar opposite of what she had been used to.  Carrie was free, kind even when under pressure, but they were also independent with worlds that didn't revolve around the other.  It was peaceful, Tina felt whole, but not necessarily overjoyed.   Carrie and Tina didn't have the history, the connections, or a family it was just them.  It seemed as though Tina wanted something completely different that what she had been familiar with, but what was the problem now?