Loved By None

CHAPTER-15 ALL OF US ARE HUMAN

"Jake and I will be coming too," Tyler said in a final tone.

"I'll inform Peter about it, "Jake whispered to me.

The bell finally rang to end the tension as everyone left to get to their next class. What will happen now? Just be strong. Be brave. I told myself. I pray that it'll be alright. It was fine for a week. I hoped for sunshine when I sensed a storm brewing. That's how idiotic I am.

After school which was surprisingly smooth going, mostly thanks to Chris's silence.What made the devil so silent today?Do I not deserve a normal day universe?Why?Just why?As always my questions were answered by silence, absolute silence.After reaching home and having some amazing sandwiches courtesy of Chef Peter, I left to work but halfway through my shift Tyler and Jake came to pick me up.

I had a lot of questions but bit my tongue down as I didn't want to ruin my newly formed friendship with the boys. We traveled in tense silence as the boys knew something I didn't. It was bad. They had crinkles on their foreheads and worry was clearly shining in their eyes. What is so bad today? Even though Tyler maintained a calm composure today and acted cheery his eyes had a hint of sadness in them. What could've possibly made these boys so broken?

My eyes widened in realization as a sword drilled through my heart. It was her. Today was her anniversary. Death anniversary.No wonder the boys were so worried. There was no telling to what extent Chris would go today or what he would do. But I wasn't afraid anymore. I wasn't afraid at all. It's like what Tyler said that day. Suicide is a choice. Katie had a choice. She chose to kill herself. There was no point blaming myself as it wouldn't bring her back. Nothing anyone did now would bring her back to this world. She was gone. Just like Blake and my parents. Nothing we do can return the dead. Their souls had departed on a journey unknown to mankind.

For those of you wondering I didn't forgive the boys because they were good-looking, I'm not shallow and beauty doesn't erase scars. Neither am I an idiot to think that their tragic past makes them morally grey. Nothing justifies bullying or the hell that they put me through. I forgave them because they are human and only humans make mistakes. I'm not a noble person because I'm not a saint. I'm human and I have an amazing quality called Empathy.

The opposite to love is not hate. It's apathy. But I didn't hate them or apathise them. I empathized with them not because I thought that they were morally grey. They're not. They're humans. Humans make mistakes and I forgave them due to my life, not theirs. I know how helpless it feels and how enraging it feels to lose a loved one. I lost people too. People who meant the world to me. I lost all of them.

Forgiving them helped me forgive myself. I didn't forgive them because they wanted it.I did it because I needed it. Vengence is a road to self-destruction and deep down I don't think Blake would want that for me. Or else he wouldn't have tried to save me even when he had no escape. That's the true beauty of humans

.Our ability to empathize is what makes us who we are. That's what makes us the pinnacle of evolution. Not our ability to talk or think. Our ability to understand love and pain, experience their magnitudes at extremes, help each other at times of need, and empathize is what makes our race different from the other animals and creations of nature. Our beliefs and emotions are what makes us Human and it's important not to lose that side of us. That's why I forgave the two boys because I understood their pain and loss and will forgive Chris so that I grow to be a person that Blake and my parents would be proud of.

The boys stopped to buy a bouquet of white roses with some blue ones as well. They weren't normal colors that roses were available in. Rather rare which makes them my favorite too.I guess Katie and I could agree on that.

"Don't worry too much princess, or else those wrinkles on your forehead will become permanent. They'll diminish your 'priceless' beauty."I started. Tyler smiled in reply but his eyes were still sad.

"I don't think you'll stand a chance with all the ghosts who would look more handsome than you right now. Be sure to pay the bill and don't make her wait for too long."I added in an attempt to make him laugh. He chuckled and so did Jake.

"What are you laughing about grey eyes? A tip for next time. Please don't stare at her like Edward. Make a move or else she'll strike you off as a creep."I told Jake. 

He started blushing as Tyler's laughter only grew. We finally reached the graveyard. And the tension was back. Great effort but certainly not enough. We walked to Katie's grave where Chris was already kneeling, mumbling prayers. It felt horrible to see the boys so sad. The other two filed in and started to mumble their prayers as silent tears streamed down their cheeks. There were pieces of paper next to Chris's bouquet of flowers. My natural assumption was that they were from Chris. I turned towards Jake whose eyes had opened as he confirmed my mental suspicion with a nod. I bent down to see what was written in those papers.

'I feel the cold emptiness in my body as the tears roll involuntarily from my eyes. 

Crying myself to sleep choking myself with toxic sadness as I am disgusted by all the hatred.

 Every moment is so painful as the never-ending darkness grows menacing, glaring with its hungry eyes as all colors fade away with blood dripping from deep within.

 Each second annihilates me from within as I try to stop but all in vain as the excruciating memories leave in the form of those annoying tears that I despise the most. 

Makes me feel lost in an eternal tenebrosity which further pulls me apart as I run from the truth just not to be scarred under these twinkling stars ebbing light into my darkness as I sense an intensity entering my world of mark living in fear and regret as I plead for death only to see those beautiful eyes away from this world of lies!'

My heart was being ripped into pieces to see that someone else was also going through the same magnitude of guilt and sadness that I went through. It's a horrible feeling and the truth is a hard pill to swallow. But it had to be done to give peace to oneself. My eyes started searing as I saw there were more papers like this.

'I can't help but scream for help as silent tears roll down my checks self-inflicted pain so fulfilling yet so nerve-wracking. 

Here I stand with a few that I love as darkness devours me making me feel empty inside loving this insight of despair as I move along the unknown. 

Your regrets are all on my scars.

 I need the hate just to forget the pain that reminds me I'm dead. 

As my monsters keep attacking a pure part under these layers of darkness and hatred so vile. 

One part pleads to let go while the others enjoy the dripping blood I run away but all in vain as the darkness neverending still leaves me thinking, 

whether I live to love the ones alive or hate the ones that cause this drive to hurt and torture as I keep feeling that she's falling but I can't seem to stop the hate or the love that resides for her.

As I am sorry to cower beneath the forces of emotions so strange and powerful and don't understand where I should stand.'

Self-harm?! He wasn't only torturing me but also himself. For something that isn't his fault. Do Jake and Tyler know about this? Are there other secrets that the boys are hiding from me? Was I the girl mentioned in the end?Demons?What demons? Does he really have a psychological disorder? Oh my god! This is worse than I thought it was. He really needs help. Peter was right. He is so lost in his sadness that he isn't aware of the monster he's become. 

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