dark path

shadow of the death

"Saint look at me! Don't cry ok?I will protect you and I never let them bother you anymore"
Mew hugged saint tightly while saint was still crying.
"Phi......I......I love you.....when I get older I want to be one who protects you"
Saint seemed serious and he was cute. Mew wipped saint's tears and kissed his forehead.
"Phi you are so handsome.......more than anyone....I have a handsome older brother"
Mew smiled and messed saint's hair and picked him up
"I will take you to the school tomorrow ok nong?"
Saint nodded.
"Good boy. Those stupid kids can't bully you anymore. Don't be scared of them ok nong?"
"....ok....."
Mew was sitting next to the window, watching trees and their movement. Little saint was looking at him while he was blushed. He picked his notebook and started drawing. mew fell asleep, wind was caressing his hair. Saint was drawing mew with joy. He put his pencil down and went to mew. his eyes were shining when he looked at mew closely. mew opened his eyes and smiled.
"What is it saint?"
Saint blushed and ran to the bed. Mew went wnd sat on the bed next to the saint, put his hand on saint's head and caressing his hair softly.
"Phi.....when you get older, you will get a girlfriend......Then......will you leave me?"
"No I won't"
"Promise?"
"Promise"
But the day that saint met zee, everything changed. mew wasn't same as before but his behaviour toward saint was same. he was trying to not hurt him but in the end he did hurt his little saint.
"Gulf.......save me from this dark.....it's hard...."
Gulf hugged him, mew was broken, couldn't hold his tears anymore. Saint's painting was in his hand and he was hopeless.
"I......I should go to the police gulf.....I really can't take it anymore......."
" but mew..."
"Gulf.....I hurted him,I don't even know if he's alive!"
(at the hospital)
zee was holding saint's hand, tear filled his eyes.
"It's my fault saint.....I'm sorry"
He couldn't hold his tear. saint started moaning from pain and it seemed he had nightmare. zee called the nurse to come while he was standing there, worried about saint's condition.
"Is he ok?"
"He has high fever"
zee left the room and sat on the ground, trying to focus. he decided to go home and bring some of saint's cloths. As he entered the home, felt something is not right. zee tried to run away but mew pulled him by hand and pushed him to the wall and put his elbow on zee's neck made him gag.
"Is saint ok?"
Zee could just nod.
"It's all your fault, do you know that?"
Mew pushed his elbow more on zee's neck. He saw zee's face, he was struggeling to take a breath.
"Saint is my little brother and my close friend but you made distance between us! you took him from me! before you enter our life, we were happy together! BUT YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!"
Suddenly mew became calm when he saw zee's tears. he left zee and he fell on the ground.
"I KNOW IT'S MY FAULT!but I don't know what to do!"
Mew threw a knife in front of zee.
"Disappear from our life. you can do that to help saint. If you really love him as you say"
Zee looked at the knife and picked it.
"Zee, I loved you, really I did but.......things you did are unforgivable for me."
Zee put the knife on his neck and cut it. he fell on the ground in front of mew while his blood covered the ground. mew looked at him in cold blood, caressing zee's hair and left the room, closed the door.
Saint opened his eyes and couldn't breath well.
"Saint!"
Saint looked at zee next to him, hugged him tightly. He was breathing hard but he didn't want to leave zee.
"Zee........never leave me.....please.....I beg you"
zee smiled and hugged him back..
"I love you saint"
"You are always cold when I hug you.....always it feels like.......sadness ,deep pain inside when I hug you zee......"
Zee looked at saint's face and held his face with his two hands, kissed his forehead.
"did I save you zee?"
Zee nodded and smiled.
Saint became happy and was like a kid who heard a compliment.
"Zee you are my light in this dark path"
He kissed zee, zee's tear dropped.
"You are cold now saint"
"You are always cold zee" kissed zee deeply and bite his lower lip.
"You will never leave me zee right?"
Zee held saint's hands and looked him in the eyes.
"No I will stay with you forever"
saint hugged him and kissed his neck, he was cold like he was dead but saint didn't care about this coldness as long as he was with him. he was feeling this before but he wanted to live with that. It wasn't creepy for him anymore, he could feel the pain with each kisses that zee gave him but it wasn't important for him. zee was feeling saint's cold lips on his skin too. his tears touched saint's lips which made saint cry too. He could feel every pain that zee had in these years now and zee could feel saint's pain too which were like a knife deep in his heart.
"Finally it's just two of us zee. As we both wanted right?"
Zee giggled and nodded.
"This world couldn't accept our love saint"
Saint looked confused, looked at zee's face, caressing his face softly.
"Zee what do you mean?"
Zee pointed to the body next to saint, which made saint panic. Zee was sitting and holding his knees, smiling kindly. Saint went closer, his tear dropped, held his chest, couldn't hold his tears.
"Zee.......I'M SORRY.......I COULDN'T STAY WITH YOU......"
zee hugged saint from behind and rested his head against saint's back.
"Then why I'm seeing you?zee?"
Zee closed his eyes. Saint turned back and put his hands on zee's shoulder but zee refused to look at saint.
"Zee what happened to you?"
Zee bite his lip and was about to open his mouth to say something but noticed saint's disapointed eyes.
"All I did to save you........you ruined all of them...."
Saint looked away while his eyes were full. He left zee there. He returned home, felt some sharp pain in his heart, feeling darkness and cold in the hall. He went to their room, looking at the picture of the drawer.
"Stupid......"said saint trying to throw down the picture but couldn't. When he entered hall, he felt cold and dark again, looked everywhere but couldn't find zee's body. He checked his watch and he got surprised because after mew hit him with knife, just 7 min was passed.
"Where the hell are you stupid?"
Saint checked everywhere in the house but couldn't find zee's body. He went back where his body was, when he arrived, even his body wasn't there, just his blood was there.
"Zee you stupid!where are you??maybe he went to that bridge to suicide"thought saint and went there and checked everywhere but no trace from zee.
"What the fuck! I can't even use my phone!"
Suddenly he saw zee was standing on the edge of bridge.
"Hey stupid you threw yourself in water?"
Zee jumped down, saint couldn't move and standing there with shocked face.
"I don't remember saint" whispered zee from behind, saint turned around, zee was smiling.
"Are you crazy???" Saint was feeling deep pain in his stomach where mew pressed his knife in. Pain was so much that made saint fell on the ground. Zee was looking at saint and was wondering.
"Ummmm.......what is it saint?"
"Nothing............my stomach hurts so much......agh"
"Why?"
"I don't know"
Zee jumped on the edge of bridge and started to walk along, feeling the cold wind and the sound of lake.
"Go away......from there you fuck! Want to jump again?instead of.....agh shit........"
Zee looked back and sat there, moving his legs fowards and backwards.
"I'm saying.......instead of playing around, let's go find your body ,you shit head"
Zee laughed and nodded. Helped saint to stand up. Saint looked at him in a bad way and pushed him.
"Let's go"
Zee nodded and followed saint, walking behind saint, looking at him, sucking on his lollipop. Saint was worried about zee. He didn't have any idea where zee's body is.
"Zee think about it! Where did you go after calling me?"
"I don't remember anything. I really don't"
"Zee please think more"
Zee scratched his head thinking carefully.
"You called me zee, I couldn't finish my sentence, you were worried, calling my name......"
Zee put out lollipop and looked at saint, saint was waiting for a good news from him.
"I checked gps and came to you, I think"
"So?then where are you?"
"I don't know"
"The car is still there! You haven't gone with car! But where are you?"
Zee looked confused, couldn't remember anything. Saint was feeling pain again, was sweating and feeling hot. Zee noticed and held saint.
"Are you ok?"
Saint nodded but actually he couldn't bear with that pain.
"Zee.......please honey.....remember.....I beg you....think"
"Saint!"
Saint opened his eyes and he was at hospital but he couldn't move cause of his wound. He saw nurse who was checking his condition but he felt so tired to ask nurse that what happened.
"I want to save you zee.......for once.....it's like a loop zee......I always see your death and I can't change it. I thought this time I saved you but I'm useless.....you are always cold in my hands, your kisses are cold but make me warm, your touches are like fire for me.....how can I hold you forever without losing you? "
It was morning and saint opened his eyes. He was feeling sadness, still in hospital. Gulf knocked on the door and came in.
"Hey you better?"said gulf and put the flower on the table.
"Where is zee?"asked saint trying to sit, gulf helped him and looked nervous
"I don't know.....maybe home?"
Saint pulled gulf's collar
"Then why are you here?you care about me you wanna say?am I stupid to you?tell me where is him?"
"If I knew, I would tell you! Saint I came here because mew was worried about you.....he went to the police and confessed everything "
Saint was shocked. Mew actually confessed everything so maybe he confessed about zee too, maybe he told polices where zee is. These thoughts were only thoughts in saint's mind.
"I should go there" said saint and tried to stand up but 2 detectives came in and made gulf leave the room. Saint looked nervous and scared, waiting for them to give him a worse news since he was hearing bad news all days.
"Mr suppapong, mew supassit has confessed and he is under arrest for rape and attempted murder"
Saint's heart started beating fast when he heard murder word. He closed his eyes and tried to breath.
"Murder?who?"
Two detectives looked at eachother and one of them opened his mouth to say "y...."but saint stopped him.
"Ok leave me alone now. I don't have anything to tell you, you already know everything"
Saint laid down and turned his back to them, holding his mouth and crying. He was thinking how useless he is that he couldn't save zee. He looked at his ring, remembering the day zee put that ring on his finger.
(After 2 years)
It was a rainy day and saint was in the temple looking at zee's picture and candles.
"Sorry zee.......if I see you again, I would ignore you......" said saint and put his ring next to zee's picture and saw perth who was waiting for him next to the car, smiling at him. Saint went to him and hugged him.
"If you want to cry, don't hold back. He was your ex it's normal if you cry saint" said perth while touching saint's face. Tears filled saint's eyes and started crying. perth hugged him tightly and caressing his hair.
"I'm useless.....!why do you love me perth???......I couldn't save him!.....I thought I saved him but it was all dream! "
"Saint look at me. You are not useless. You can't change someone's death. You tried many times but it didn't work"
"If I go back and ignore him....that would change right? I promise I ignore him because I don't want to hurt him perth please!"
Perth wipped saint's tears and kissed him. When saint opened his eyes, his cloths were diffrent, his look was like times that he was stupid. He looked back when saw mew.
"Saint let's get ready my boyfriend will get angry if we arrive late"
Saint was starring at mew who was using perfume.
"Saint?are you ok? Wtf go get ready stupid instead of looking at me!"
Saint nodded and got ready. When they entered the restaurant, saw zee standing there. Mew hugged him and kissed his cheek. Saint was feeling his heart beats. It was fast and made him hard to breath. He was quiet while mew and zee were talking.
"Your friend is so quiet mew!you said he is talketive." Said zee and put edge of the glass on his lip while he had a cheeky smile.
"He is talketive but i think you should break the ice to talk to him" said mew and patted on saint's head. Saint didn't want to look at zee because everytime he looked at him, he felt pain in his heart.
"P'mew I'm sorry but I leave you two alone.....I have to do my thesis. That was nice meeting you p'zee"
Saint left there without looking back at him. When he arrived he saw perth who was sitting on the bed and playing with his phone.
"What the fuck!what are you doing here?"
"I'm checking if you really ignore him"
Saint sat next to him and looked at perth's phone.
"Don't worry I will ignore him"
"Let's study we have an exam"
Saint nodded and went to bring his book. All night he was thinking of zee and perth was starring at him.
"Saint I should go take a rest"
Saint nodded and closed his book and went to drink water, when he opened the door he saw zee that was writting on the magazine. His heart started beating fast again. Zee looked at saint with wonder face, saint looked akward and went to pick a glass but his hands were shaking and couldn't hold the glass and it fell on the ground and broke. Zee was about to stand up to help saint but saint stopped him
"Don't come! I take care of it myself."
Zee didn't care about what saint said and came to pick up broken glasses. Saint's heart was hurting so bad and made breathing hard for him.
"Oh are you ok?it looks like you can't breath!"
Saint sat on the ground and was rubbing his chest. Zee cut his finger when he was picking up the broken glass, made him hiss and put his finger in his mouth.
"I told you i take care of it myself! Why are you like this zee!!always stupid!"
Zee was shocked from saint's behaviour,saint pushed zee away and picked the broken glasses by himself.
"Saint what happened?" Asked mew who just entered the room.
"Nothing the glass fell"
Zee stood up and went to the room and mew followed him. Saint sat there on the ground, holding his face. He wanted to cry, he had heavy feeling, everytime that he's next to zee, breathing is hard for him like before. Mew came and help saint to stand up. He looked worry.
"Saint you are not look ok....."
"I'm ok p'mew. Don't worry please"
Saint smiled to mew and went to his room.
Next morning saint woke up late, so he went to eat something in rush and noticed zee who passed him and went out. Saint was starring at the door that zee closed behind himself.
"Saint? Why are you starring at the door?aren't you late?"
Saint came to himself and checked his watch and ran with his stuff. He was running and passed the bridge, saw his worse memories there, saw zee on the edge of the bridge and wanted to jumped down. Saint tried to not look at these memories and ran faster and went inside the bus.
Thinking of the things that may happen again if saint make a mistake was disturbing him. He didn't want to lose mew and zee. They were important for him. But also the feeling of jelousy was still there. He couldn't see zee with mew, but he had to accept the destiny. He was in his thoughts and was waiting for the bus. When bus arrived saint wanted to went in but zee pushed him and went in first. Saint just could move his head in disappointment.
" this idiot is really a kid! I was about to forget it."
Saint said in his mind. He sat next to zee and zee moved away and put his head on the window, looking outside.
Saint was looking at him and stopped when his heart started hurting. Zee noticed, saint was rubbing his chest.
"Are you sick?" Said zee still looking outside.
"Me????"
Zee looked back at saint and when saint saw his eyes he couldn't resist but just starring at his eyes then his lips. He gulped and looked away.
"No I'm not sick"
"Here...water" zee gave saint bottle of water.
Saint was shocked and had pain. He gave zee a bottle back and went fast to the driver.
Driver stopped the bus and saint left the bus. Zee was starring at him while saint was rubbing his chest and tried to breath. He pushed the stop button and went out of the bus, watching saint who was already in pain and he was about to fall that zee held him. Saint was shocked, sinking in zee's eyes but when remembered the cold kisses of zee, he pushed zee away.
"What the fuck are you doing zee?are you stupid?"
"I'm just......I'm just worried about you!you are mew's friend and it seems you are not ok but you!......"
Said zee and went to cross the street while he was angry. Saint felt cold wind against his skin and he noticed a truck coming toward zee.
Time stopped for him. Why death is always following him? Why he can't change zee's destiny? Why zee is so stupid running toward death?
Saint ran to zee and pushed him away. The truck stopped. "Are you ok sir?"said driver runnig to them. Zee was shocked and scared, saw saint in his arms, slowly shaking him, saint slapped him hard out of the sudden.
"OPEN YOUR EYES OK?IT'S NOT THAT HARD ZEE!"
tears filled zee's eyes and was breathing fast. Saint stood up and took zee's hand to help him stand. "We are ok sir"said saint. Zee was crying and saint wanted to hug him but he shouldn't do that.
"Why are you crying now?"
"Because........I thought you died" zee sobbed and wipping his tears. Saint smiled when he saw him like that. He wanted to hug him tightly, kiss him, wipping his tears but he couldn't.
Saint brought his finger on zee's lips and slowly touched them. That action made zee surprised and he looked at saint. Saint was touching his lips to know if his lips are cold like those times. Zee held saint's finger and brought down his hand, looking shy.
"What.....what are you doing stupid? I should go...." said zee and ran away.
Saint was checking him from behind, but still worried about him since zee was stupid in his opinion. When saint turned back, saw perth standing behind him.
"Saint.....be away from him please. Don't repeat the same mistake"
Saint nodded and perth hugged him. Saint put his head on perth's shoulder and thinking about zee.
"Perth.....I don't even know why he died.......suicide....or p'mew killed him......I don't know but I want to protect him....."
Perth closed his eyes and kissed saint's head, looking at zee from far.