dark path

he's death

"Nong....come the breakfast is ready"
Saint opened his eyes and sunlight was disturbing his eyes. Hearing zee that was calling him but he couldn't move since he was tired. He covered his face with pillow and was about falling sleep that felt someone was pushing his finger on his belly roughly. He threw the pillow away and saw zee.
"It hurts.....what are you doing?"
"Wake up! Mew said today he has fashion show so he invited you too....but look at you..."
Saint look at zee with wonder face and rubbed his belly, the part that zee was pushing his finger.
Zee shook his head and was about to stand up that saint pulled his hand roughly so zee fell on the bed with shocked face.
Saint came on top of him and took off his shirt. Zee was just starring at him, gulped, saint came so close to him, his lips were so close but not touching zee's lips. Zee closed his eyes and saint smirked.
"Hey look at this,stupid! It's red now but later it will change to the bruise."
Zee opened his eyes and saw the part where saint was pointing at it. He pushed saint away and looked nervous, sweat covered his forehead and was breathing fast.
"Come eat and then get ready" said zee and left the room.
After breakfast saint got ready and noticed zee's perfume, the one he always use, that smell made him remember his memories.
"Hey! Why are you standing there?" Said zee but didn't see any reaction from saint. Saint was still standing there until a drop of tear fell from his left eye. Zee went to him and shook him, then saint came to his sense and looked at zee.
"Why are you crying?"
"Nothing" saint pushed zee slowly away and went out. Zee looked worried but he knew saint won't tell him anything. Since he met saint, he was somehow strange for him. He had feeling but not good feeling around saint. It was mostly like sad feeling and depression. But he wasn't thinking it was cause of saint. Maybe he was getting sick or that depression was because of too much work. He just wanted to be friend with saint but seemed take longer to get his attention.
When they arrived, zee went to admire mew while saint was drinking and looking at the people who were taking pictures and talking.
"Wow! Saint you should be model too! You look so handsome today my little bro" said mew and was pinching saint's cheeks.
"P'mew......"
"This undercut style is suit on you saint. You are not a baby anymore......saint why are you sitting here?look at those model girls there. They are looking at you."
"Not interested phi"
Mew moved closer to saint and put his arm on saint's shoulder. Saint was still drinking and looking at people.
"Are you in love?"
With this sudden question, saint coughed hard and put his glass on the table, still coughing. Mew smiled at him. Zee came and sat next to mew.
"Why is he dying here?"
"I think he is in love zee"
Zee couldn't hold his laugh when he heard that.
"Poor girl who you are in love with, with this shitty behaviour of yours"
Mew looked at saint, saint seemed akward but tried to not say anything.
"Zee I should go to change my cloths"
Zee nodded, saint started drinking again.
"You want to be drunk? Idiot"
"None of your business" said saint and went to the bathroom. He washed his face and looked at the mirror.
"I hate you......I hate you........" saint repeated that sentence more and more. He hated himself because he couldn't save zee and now he is away from him. He didn't want to be close to zee, he ruined zee, it was his fault that zee died. He couldn't make these thoughts away.
After the show he was drunk and smoking.
"Take him to the home, I will come after ok?"
Zee nodded and took saint home. He put saint on the bed and was trying to change saint's cloths. Saint moved his hand and caressed zee's face and rolled him on the bed. Zee was shocked, saint put his lips on zee's lips and kissed him. His kisses tasted alcohol, zee didn't want to return the kiss but saint's tongue seeking for the way to go inside zee's mouth. Saint sucked zee's lips hard and did bite, made zee's lips swallow, Zee was moaning into the kisses. Saint opened the drawer next to the bed and took out a pocket. There were pills inside and picked one of them and put it in zee's mouth. Zee was about to ask what that pill was ,but saint stopped him with rough kisses. After some minutes zee was feeling dizziness but saint was still attacking him with his kisses.
"Ah saint....please stop....."
Zee couldn't see clearly and it was like he was drunk too. Saint sucked zee's neck and zee was smiling like he was enjoying, holding saint's head and caressing his hair. Suddenly saint noticed someone presence other than them in the room which made him stop and looked back. It was perth standing there. Saint was shocked, looked back at zee who was touching him. He remembered the day he raped zee and his heart started hurting badly. Zee was already uncounscious and laughing.
"Hey zee are you ok?let's walk to your room ok?can you hear me?" Asked saint while his heart was hurting like it was going to explode. Zee was laughing and poked saint's cheek and smooched his cheek, saint held zee's shoulder and tried to help him stand.
"Oh SAINT! Are you death????I think you are!! I saw you before in my nightmares........Like......YOU ARE DEATH! We can't be together!......" said zee in vaguely tone. Saint looked at perth and closed his eyes.
"Don't you want to help me perth?"
"I can't saint...."
"This stupid is so heavy! Zee stop for a second! Don't move!"
Zee pushed saint away and passed perth who was standing next to the door and turned on the music, started dancing. Saint ran to him and held him, zee starred at him, made saint blush. At that moment saint wanted to kiss him for real but he can't love him. He was dangerous for zee since first. He was ashamed of all he had done to him. He was the one who made zee be cold. But how he could protect him when he was the reason of his death?
Saint brought his hand on zee's face, felt the coldness, again zee's color changed and became like a dead person. Zee brought his face closer wanted to kiss him. Their lips were touching but they were not kissing.
"Zee sorry.... you should rest. Let's go to your room"
Saint took zee to the room and put him on the bed, covered him and left the room.
"Saint......just stop it! You can't be both savior and death for him....you chose to be just savior and let him live! But you are taking his life again.....just let him be with mew and you look after him until his death date..."
Saint put his hand on perth's shoulder and went to his room and closed the door.
Zee was sleeping that mew entered the room and changed his cloths. He sat on the bed next to zee and caressed his hair. Zee opened his eyes and held mew's hand and was rubbing it.
"Zee......never leave me ok?"
Zee put mew's hand on his face and smiled. Mew starred at his face in the moonlight, put a kiss on his forehead. Zee closed his eyes and pulled mew and kissed him softly.
"I don't want you to get hurt zee......you know.....when saint and I were kids, I nearly lost saint......until now it plays with my mind..."
"Why?what happened to him?" Asked zee with serious look on his face but mew shook his head as he didn't want to remember that incidence. he laid down and hugged zee tightly, feeling his warmth which made him feel relief.
"He had an accident......his condition was critical....doctors were disappointed.....then it was like a miracle....next morning he was ok without pain calling me "p'mew,p'mew" like before....being happy or sad I didn't know which one should i be...."
Mew couldn't hold his tears, also didn't want zee to see his tears but remembering that moment made him weak. Zee was in deep thoughts while wipping mew's tears and kissing him.
"It's good that he could survive. He is so strong mew."
"Yeah....maybe he looks weird but zee.....after that accidence he was like this.....he had pain for unknown reason even sometimes doctors thought he wants attention because there was no reason for those pains.....even now....I'm worried about him..."
mew sat up and opened the drawer, showed zee the paintings of saint when he was a little boy. Zee was surprised that mew still had all of them. As zee was looking at saint's cute paintings, noticed something diffrent in some of paintings.
"P'mew, who is this boy here? Next to you and saint and also why everything is black in these paintings?"
"Oh yeah these paintings were after his accidence.....about that boy....he was his imaginary friend like other kids..."said mew smiling at saint's paintings. Zee nodded and somehow he was feeling weird. That night zee couldn't sleep anymore, thinking of the things that mew had said lately and those strange paintings . It was 3:30 am that zee went to the kitchen to drink water. He opened the ref door and picked the bottle of water. His head was still hurting and feeling abit dizzy so he sat on the chair and suddenly he saw saint was standing in the dark part of the room. Zee dropped the bottle and stood up. Saint came closer while zee was scared.
"Idiot are you scared of me??"
Zee nodded as yes
"Why?" Asked saint, sat on the chair looking at zee.
"It's your fault! You were standing in the dark!"
"Oh sorry I made you scared little zee" saint smirked and picked up the bottle. Zee's heart was pounding fast and he had stress. Saint stood up and went closer to zee, zee gulped and tried to ignore saint.
"You are cute zee"said saint blinked and went to his room with bottle of water. Zee's heart was beating fast for a moment. He was thinking too much about what he realized recently. He went to sleep, after too much thinking he finally fell asleep.
"I'm saying.......instead of playing around, let's go find your body ,you shit head"
"I can't remember it!"
Zee was in total darkness. his mouth was closed with plaster. He could sense that someone was there, he felt the cold sense of knife on his face. His plaster had been removed.
"Please....let me go! I must go.....please..."
He felt knife on his neck, it scratched his neck caused bleeding. Zee hissed and bite his lip.
"Please let me go......I won't tell anyone......"
He couldn't finish his sentence, started screaming from so much pain. That pain was too much that made zee feel it even after waking up. He was covered in sweat, breathing fast.
"Are you ok zee?" Asked mew while checking zee's temp. Zee looked at mew and tears filled his eyes.
"What is it zee?tell me"
"I had a very bad nightmare......."
"What was it about?"
"I......someone hit me with a knife....in my shoulder.....cut it through....."
Zee was rubbing his shoulder and tried to sit. Mew gave him glass of water and a pill.
"You have fever. You will be allright ok?"
Zee nodded and mew made him lay down.
"P'mew.. don't worry now....you should go to your work.....I'm ok...I sleep again"
"You sure?"
"Yeah go don't worry"
Mew was still worried but nodded and kissed zee's cheek and left. Zee laid down and closed his eyes.
saint was eating his breakfast that perth came and sat in front of him. Looking at saint while he was eating.
"What is it again?I didn't do anything wrong and as you see I'm eating"
Said saint while was drinking orange juice.
"I'm just admiring your beauty, can't I?"
"Oh yeah.....Mr...."
Perth smiled and pushed saint's head back softly with his point finger, made saint laugh. Suddenly he noticed zee who was shocked. saint looked at zee and stood up.
"Zee good morning..."said saint went to zee and wanted to put his hand on zee's shoulder but zee pushed his hand away.
"Don't touch me!"
Saint was surprised from zee's behaviour. He had no idea why was he acting like that.
"What?I don't think you are ok zee"
"Shut up! You are the one who is not ok! You gave me a pill last night! Also.....kissed me!"
Saint start laughing and went back to his seat.
"I thought it was something more important! You scared me! Yes I was drunk I'm sorry"
Zee was angry and slapped saint which made saint's glass of juice fall on the ground. Saint was close losing his nerve so he stood up and breathing deeply to control his anger.
"Never!Never do that again saint!"zee was about to leave that saint held his wrist roughly. His eyes were closed.
"Let me go you freak! Why were you talking to yourself huh?"
Saint couldn't hold himself again and punched zee in the face made him fall on the ground. His lip was bleeding.
"DON'T MESS WITH ME ZEE! I'm not a person you mess with easily!"
"I can punch you harder than this but I'm scared to scratch your beautiful face " said zee, smirked and wipped the blood on his lip. Saint went to his room and slammed the door hard, started crying, rubbing his chest. Perth hugged him and caressed his hair.
"I can't....he hates me! Always hates me....."
Saint couldn't talk well and was sobbing, hardly breathing.
zee was sitting on the bed and deeply thinking about what he saw that day. He looked at saint's painting.
"He was talking to this person?his imaginary friend?but.....but he's not kid anymore!! Agh what am I thinking about....."
Zee scratched his head and laid down, brought saint's painting in front and starring at it. He put the painting on the drawer quickly when he heard knocking on the door. He came and opened the door, saw saint with red eyes and red nose. He was still crying but wipped his tears and tried deep breath. As zee was about to open his mouth, saint put his finger on zee's lips.
"Shhhhhhh"
Zee was looking at saint with wonder, waiting for saint to say something. Saint brought his face closer to zee in the way that zee could feel his warm breath. He gulped as watching saint closely, starring at his lips then his eyes. He was like a moon, he was shining but in a cold way. He was definitely the moon, thought zee.
"Zee......"saint's voice made zee feel goose bumps. His breath next to zee's ear was making zee's heart explode.
"Hmm....."said zee, closed his eyes and tried to focus. Saint looked at him from his eye side, smelling zee and wanted to put a kiss on zee's neck but was holding himself.
"can we be friend zee? I don't want to argue with you anymore"
Zee opened his eyes and nodded.
"Then no more fight.....peace right zee?" Smirked saint and patted him on the head.
"Sorry for my b.... "saint didn't let zee finish his sentence and covered his mouth with his hand.
"Shhh don't say sorry. It's not your fault zee"
Zee pushed saint's hand away and pulled saint, kissed him roughly. Zee's reaction made saint surprised. Saint's hands were on zee's chest, he could feel zee's heartbeats but at the same time he could feel his cold feeling. His cold kisses remind saint of the house in the jungle, rape, zee's depression,zee's suicide, his scared face, his death. Saint couldn't take it more. Disturbing images were in his mind. Saint pushed zee away and slapped him.
"What the fuck are you doing???I said friend not this!"
Zee was rubbing his face and looking innocent, couldn't look at saint.
"s....so....sorry......"he took his coat and left. Saint sat on the bed and was touching his lips.
"I'm sorry zee.....but we can't be together. I'm protecting you but....of course you don't know about my intention. I love you zee"
Zee was running and snow was touching his face and stopped near to the bridge, looking at the light reflexes on the water. It was so cold but he couldn't feel it. His tears started falling but he didn't know the reason. He wipped his tears and slapped his face slowly few times with both hands.
"Zee! What are you doing there?" Said mew and came out of the car. Zee was shaking from cold, mew hugged him and helped him to get in the car. Zee was silent whole way, coughing sometimes and mew put his hand on his forehead to check if he had fever.
"Zee I take you to the hospital. You have fever"
"No.......take me home......I will be better....I don't want to go to the hospital....please"
Mew could just accept and took him home. Saint opened the door and saw zee in situation like that which reminded him of the day he raped zee.
"What happened?" Asked saint with worried face.
Mew put zee on the bed and covered him.
"I don't know he was on the bridge and I've found him like that"
Mew brought zee's bag inside, suddenly saint held mew's wrist.
"P'mew....don't throw that bag on him ...it's not his fault"
Mew was totally shocked. Saint was serious and took the bag from mew and put it in the closet.
Mew went in the room and closed the door. Saint was standing there and didn't want that day happen again. He didn't want zee get hurt again.
In the morning when mew left home for work, saint came in the room to check zee. Zee was still sleeping, as saint sat next to him, zee held the cover and brought it on his head. He was shaking under the cover, saint smiled and stood up and went next to the window and stood there, looking at zee. After minutes zee threw the cover away and sat up.
"Why is so hot here?!" As he was rubbing his eyes, noticed saint who was standing there and smiling.
"Wh....what?why are you here?"
"I was worried about you but now you are ok so I should go"
As saint was passing from the bed, zee held saint's wrist.
"I'm.....sorry.....for that...."said zee with sad face. Saint pulled his wrist off.
"You are annoying zee"
"Who are you telling me that saint??why are you like this??huh? Did i do anything?"
Saint closed his eyes and couldn't hold his feeling.
"I can't be close to you zee......I just can't......"
"I know you saint!" Said zee as he stood up and went to the drawer and brought a picture which was between papers of the book.
"You are this boy! This is your childhood!"
Saint looked confused and nodded. Then zee showed him a picture of himself.
"This is me! This is my childhood!"
Saint's eyes widend and couldn't believe what he was seeing. Tears filled his eyes and took the photo from zee as he was touching zee's face in that picture.
"That day...I saved you zee...."
Saint hugged zee tightly, kissed him deeply. Zee's tear fell while kissing back. Suddenly saint felt he was 13 yrs again. He wanted always kiss zee like that but zee was surrounded with girls.
Saint pushed zee on the bed and climbed up the bed, didn't cut the kiss. Zee started moaning, as saint felt the coldness again and stopped.
"Zee......we should stop it now"
"Why?"
"We can't be...... "
Zee kissed saint and didn't let him talk and rolled him on the bed, kissing him roughly. Saint tried to push zee away but couldn't.
"Agh zee stop it!we can't do that!"
"Why huh?"
"You have boyfriend! Go away!"
Saint pushed zee away and went out, holding his chest and it was hard for him to breath again. Everything was turning around him,All of zee's death memories were around him. Zee came out of the room and that moment saint fell on the ground but zee could with quick rush hold his head from banging on the ground.
"SAINT! Wake up! Please!I'm sorry!BREATH saint please!"