If They Only Knew...

Chapter 13- Valeria

That night, I couldn't help the storm of emotions that I felt about leaving Raven behind.

I hadn't told her my name... But what if she still knew who I was? Would she tell anyone? I didn't want anyone to know I was trans yet... I didn't care about being gay, most people were ok with that, & I'm pretty sure Celestina's friends already knew... & they were ok with it... So at least I would have them...

But... Being trans was harder... To explain... To get support about... I mean, I was lucky. At least I had a supportive family who'd always have my back & who went to my school... I didn't have transphobic parents like some people... & I wasn't nonbinary, which I knew was harder for people to wrap their minds around... But it was still a challenge...

& I didn't know... How Raven would take it... & I was worried... That she would find out, or already knew... & would tell everyone &... I'd be bullied...

Not that she was that type of person... But the thought always lingered in my head, &... I couldn't risk it... I would... Just have to avoid Raven until I was ready to tell her... No matter how much I wanted her in my life...

It wasn't until I was back in the safety of my room & all was dark & quiet that I truly let my emotions show. Let my tears of anger & frustration & sadness & worry fall onto my pillow. Gripped the pillow case to keep from crying out. Let the storm give way until it was no more.

I woke late the next morning to the smell of breakfast wafting down to my room. Despite my continuing sadness, I somehow was able to muster up the energy to even run up the stairs to the kitchen for breakfast.

My family slowly filtered in, 1 by 1, as Mamá finished up making breakfast, pancakes, bacon & eggs.

"Gracias," I yawned out, getting in line to grab some behind my siblings, eyes still a little heavy from the restless night before, but it didn't appear that I was the only 1. Not that everyone else was crying, like I had been, but we had had a long night yesterday at the dance, & it certainly had taken its toll. Most of my siblings appeared very drowsy, except Celestina, who seemed perky as every, a bright grin on her face.

"Sleep well?" I asked sarcastically, a grin working its way onto my face between bites of pancake.

"Yup," She deadpanned, shoving another mouthful in.

I giggled, but then became slightly more serious again. "Hey..." I breathed out slowly. "Do we have... any more events we have to go to before school starts? Because I thought Mamá said that there were some social things...?"

"Sí." Mamá nodded. "There are some... icebreakers? Some things where the kids get together & try to get to know each other better more? Of course, next week is just moving in, not that we need that with us living so close to campus, but... It'll only be this week, the social events. Why do you ask, mija?" Her eyebrows knit together as she looked at me over her cup of coffee.

"Well, it's just... I really don't feel like going, Mamá..." My voice faded away & my shoulders tensed, making my whole family turn to me, their eyes filled with concern.

"You ok, Val?" My eldest sister Lupe asked, brow creasing.

"I-" My voice broke & Mamá placed her hand on my shoulder.

"It's- ok, mija. If it's an important issue... Maybe we should wait until we finish breakfast... & talk about it afterward in the living room. Just so you don't feel so cornered, & so our food doesn't get cold." She smiled sadly, trying to lighten the mood, & I laughed slightly, willing to accept her offer. It would give me time to collect my thoughts.

Hope you guys thought this chapter was ok :). I love incorporating Spanish into the dialogue of my Latino characters, just bc I'm Latinx too & I love the language. It's kinda a struggle though bc I don't want to use too complicated words for our non-Spanish speaking readers... So, I tried to keep it to just basic Spanish stuff, stuff that most people know or could easily look up... But if you do have any questions about that, or really anything, feel free to ask. I'd like to think I'm very approachable, lol. I don't judge :3. Anyways... See ya guys later. Byeeeeeee :3