polaroid angel - dreamnotfound

˖⋆࿐໋₊ 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘺-𝘰𝘯𝘦

"how are you doing today, george?"

carlos puts away the sheets of paper in his hand, crossing his arms and leaning back in his office chair as he awaits my response.

"alright, i guess," i shrug, deciding to somewhat stick to the truth.
"i've noticed you've been looking a bit down recently, that's why i called you over."

sometimes his top notch abilities to read people are relieving, and sometimes they're just annoying. right now, it's like a mix between the two.

"yeah, it's- it's nothing work related, in case you're worried about that."

"i'd like you to tell me about it either way," he says, "if you feel comfortable with that of course. it's my job to assure that our employees are happy and healthy, whether it's determined by factors inside the workspace or not. and of course i care about you personally, too."

he smiles sympathetically in an attempt to encourage me.

"uhm, well.." i start, "there have been some things going on."

my fingers absentmindedly fiddle with my hair as a heated debate is taking place inside my head. what do i say, and what do i leave out?

"it's nothing major, really. i'm just going through some harder times, you know? happens to the best of us."
"okay, anything specific you want to bring up?"
"i don't know..."

he cranes his neck, biting his lip as if he was thinking of what questions to ask next.

"how are things with dream?"

i knew that one would come.

me and dream have been official for a while now, and i let a handful of our coworkers know once we felt comfortable being open. we were lucky to be met with congratulating words and support. carlos just smirked at us when we broke the news, and then proceeded to tell dream about how obviously in love with him i was. he 'could see it from day one' as he put it. i had to hide my red face in dream's chest.

"we're going through some rough patches," i sigh, "but it's nothing too bad. he just isn't feeling the best at the moment. family stuff, for the most part. i have to be there for him a lot."
"i see."

carlos grabs a ballpoint pen from his desk, tapping it against the wood as he ponders. how his jet black hair can be so perfectly slicked back is still a mystery to me. it's admirable, honestly.

"so you're not fighting at all? it's not relationship issues like that?"
"no no, not at all," i deny, "it's just that it hurts seeing him sad and.. weak, i guess. cause i feel his pain too, you know? maybe i'm too empathetic-"

"soulmate business, huh?" he chuckles, "i know what you mean."

a small smile forms on my lips just thinking about the man i so cheesily like to call my soulmate. hearing it from someone else validates my hopelessly romantic feelings in a way.

"yeah, he- i really think he's the love of my life."

my heart skips a beat as i say that. i giggle shamelessly, images of my favorite person clouding my mind for a little while.

"that's so sweet," he comments in awe, "i'm really happy for you guys."

i nod as a thank you before our conversation continues.

"but as a piece of advice... just because you're his significant other doesn't mean you're obligated to care for him constantly. always put yourself first, george. your own wellbeing is more important than anybody else's. has he considered talking to a professional? i think that could take some strain off of you."

"uhm, like a therapist?" i question, "he's been to one appointment."
"and how did that go?"
"i don't really know, to be honest. he's being very secretive about it, which is fine by me."

i should've been there. i should've followed him to the appointment and made sure everything went smoothly. just sitting outside and waiting while he was in there could've helped. but now it's too late. he'll never want to go back. unless things get worse. and i don't think i can handle things getting worse.

"okay," carlos nods in understanding, clearing his throat, "well, then i hope he'll improve."

the conversation dies down after that. i have no idea what to say. i want to tell him more, pour my heart out and rant about everything that's been pestering me for weeks. but revealing too much would get us both fired, and carlos reads through me so easily. i have to choose my words wisely every time i open my mouth.

just as i'm about to thank him and say my goodbyes he speaks up again.

"something else on your mind?"

i look up at the plain white ceiling, humming before making my decision.

"i'm just.. worried about him, i guess. i think he might be struggling with something else, and, i don't want him to dig a hole and fall into it, you know."

"maybe i should call him in here afterwards if he's not busy.."
"you're not a psychologist carlos," i chuckle.
"no, but i'm a great talker, you would know," he grins, "and i could recommend some good ones."

he places his elbows on the table, leaning forward slightly.

"my point is, you don't have to suffer through this with him alone. i know how much it can mess with your head. make sure he does get proper help, and if things don't work out.. consider taking a break from him. give him time to heal on his own, it could work out better than you'd think. you don't need to baby him all the time in hopes of change."

"but i want to."
"but sometimes what you want isn't what's best for you."

i bite my lip. maybe he has a point, as much as i hate to admit it. maybe dream isn't good for me when he's got these problems. maybe taking a step back would aid us both.

"thank you, carlos. you've always got the best advice."
"i know, i get that a lot," he winks, "now get out there and do your thing."

i exit his office in a different state of mind. time to find dream and give him a long, warm hug.