Michaelishious - Vol. 2021

Dec. 18th: Trolls

Author's note:

This imagine is loosely based on the fairy tale of the 'The Billy Goats Gruff' (original title: Bukkene Bruse). It's about three goats who're going to a meadow up in the mountains to eat. But on their way there, they have to walk over a bridge, and under that bridge is a large and terrifying troll named Oprah.

Yep...

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Once upon a time there were three goats named Tito, Jermaine and Michael Jackson. Every summer they went up into the mountains to eat on their favorite meadow. There was only one problem. On the way there, they had to pass a bridge. And under that bridge, there was a terrible and ugly troll named Oprah. She had one tooth that was so yellow it looked green, and a breath that could send you into a coma for three weeks straight. Her hair looked like tentacles, and she had only one eye and a tail with a tiny bush at the tip. And worst of all; she killed and ate everyone who tried to pass.

Tito, Jermaine and Michael didn't budge, though. They knew she was dangerous, but they also knew the flowers on that meadow tasted extra delicious this time of year. That's why they took the chance.

First it was Tito's turn. He tiptoed as silently as he could, but since the troll had super hearing, he only came halfway until he heard a loud grumble and the thundering voice that made his fur rise along his spine, all the way to his horns.

"Who dares to walk on my bridge?" Oprah yelled, and Tito panicked and started throwing tissues at her. But even though he covered the whole troll, she just laughed evilly and shook them off.

"You must be Tito with all the tissues. I've heard about you, but I thought you were just a myth that existed in comment sections in fanfics."

Then she shouted:

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"I-I need to go up into the mountains so I can eat," Tito stuttered.

"Pffft..." the troll snorted.
"I have to disappoint you, but that won't happen. Because now I'm gonna eat you!"

"No! Please spare me. I'm so little and there's no meat on me. You should wait for my brother, who comes next. He'll taste much better."

The troll scowled at him with her single, bloodshot eye.

"Okay. You shall pass," she said eventually, and Tito ran the rest of the way over the bridge, lucky to be alive.

Next was Jermaine. He did just like Tito, and tried to sneak over the bridge without the troll noticing. But of course to no avail. He was stopped by a loud roar, before the troll stuck her ugly face up from under the bridge.

"Who dares to walk on my bridge?" she growled, and the ground shook under Jermaine's hooves. Luckily he had a superpower, too. His fur was made of sharp needle-like hair with poisonous grease on them, and just like tarantulas do, he could send a cloud of these painful needles to whatever it was that threatened him.

Once again, the troll shrugged it off and laughed viciously.

"You think you can hurt me with your crazy fur? That's just ridiculous. And now I'm gonna eat you!"

The troll came closer and tried to grab poor Jermaine by his horns, but he dodged in the very last second.

"No! Please spare me! I'm not any bigger than Tito," he begged.

"You should wait for my brother, Michael. He's right behind me, and is bigger and fatter than me."

The troll was in deep thoughts. Then she decided that he probably didn't taste any good. She didn't like to eat food with needles anyway. It got stuck on her tooth. And all that grease...

"Okay. You shall pass," she grumbled eventually and waited for the infamous third brother. He didn't even care about being silent and strode confidently up the path. But when the troll saw him, she got furious.

"They told me that you were the fattest goat of you! They lied!"

"Fattest?" Michael bleated.

"Far from it. I'm the skinniest Jackson, and if you don't move out of my way, I'm gonna moonwalk all over your ass."

The troll laughed scornfully.

"Moonwalk? What kind of silly thing is that?"

"Do you really wanna know?" Michael challenged, and Oprah shook her head as to tell him how dumb she thought he was.

Michael didn't even hesitate. He jumped over the fence and straight onto her ugly face, and moonwalked so smoothly that she didn't manage to push him away. He made sure to step in her eye a few times too, and stomped so hard with his large hoof that he knocked out her tooth. And by accident she got the tooth stuck in her throat and choked. Then Michael watched her die a slow and painful death, gasping for air, before she fell into the water that streamed under the bridge and disappeared in a huge waterfall.

Michael was about to sing a victory song called 'Invincible' when he suddenly heard a loud rumble. Then he saw three other trolls magically appear out of nowhere. They looked scarier and more vicious than Oprah, except for one of them who looked more like an egg.

"Who are you?" Michael exclaimed. His eyes were big and his mouth was open, as he took in the horrible sight.

"We're Wade, James and Dan, and we're here to seek revenge for our beloved Oprah."

"Beloved? Ha! The only ones who appreciate her are the crabs that'll get the meal of their lifetime on the bottom of the ocean," Michael scoffed, and the three trolls grumbled a few threats.

"Since you killed our friend, we're gonna tear you apart and eat you!" the egg troll roared out, but Michael stood his ground and was braver than all the goats on the planet.

"You can try if you want, but I swear you'll end up at the dinner party with the crabs as dessert."

The trolls laughed and pointed at the little goat. Then they suddenly got serious and got ready to attack. But Michael whistled for his brothers, who rushed over to help him. Together they were ready to take the trolls down once and for all.

Since trolls have super hearing, Michael took advantage of that. He simply took a deep breath and shouted a long 'HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'. And the trolls held their ears and screamed for him to stop. Michael kept on, and even added a few 'hee-hee's and' ow's' here and there, while Jermaine walked up next to him and prepared his superpower. And with a shrug, he sent a cloud of sharp needles that stung their eyes. Then Tito joined the fight and covered them with tissues so they couldn't see, and all three goats got ready for the grand finale. They attacked one troll each with their large horns, and sent them screaming into the waterfall.

That was the last time anyone ever saw a troll, and the three brave goats could eat on their favorite meadow in the hills until they got so fat that they rolled back to the farm at the end of the summer. And the crabs? They will probably feast on the four trolls until the end of eternity.

And everybody lived happily ever after.