Michaelishious - Vol. 2021

Dec. 24th: Skeletons

Author's note:

This imagine is based on the stories 'My Fucking Smooth Criminal' and 'Smooth Xcape'. And it's guaranteed to give you a headache.

*hands out free Advils for all*

🎅🤶🎅🤶🎅

"Trick or treeeeat!"

It was that time of year again. The night where everybody suddenly lost their mind and made it their life goal to scare the shit out of every living creature out there. The night where people found it appropriate to dress like everything that looked far from alive, and if it was alive, it was the kind you wished was dead. I'd never even dreamed of participating in such a barbaric tradition if it wasn't for the kids. Still, here we were with five little monsters dressed in the cutest mummy costumes ever. My husband was a werewolf dressed in a black and red leather jacket, and had huge claws and a horrifying mask, and I was the crazy cat lady. Well, not really. I was Cat Woman, and if you ask why I chose that, I didn't. Michaela did. She'd actually planned all of our outfits months ahead, just in case she wasn't here for the big day, which unfortunately she wasn't. Because tonight...

"Geeksy! Get your daughter before she eats the whole skeleton."

Baby Miriam had just turned two, and was at that stage where she saw everything as a potential meal. She had now targeted the Halloween decoration hanging on the door to some random house we'd picked out to visit.

"Skeletons contain a whole lot of calcium, which is important to the bones, especially for children who are still developing a strong bone structure, which again..."

"Geeks! It's made out of plastic. Besides, even a beaver has more teeth than Miriam. Her gums are gonna get sore."

"Her teeth are actually the least of your worries. Did you know that the amount of bacteria in the human mouth is over six billion, including seven hundred species..."

I coughed out loud and interrupted him.

"Are you telling me that our daughter has billions of bacteria in her mouth?"

We looked at her, who still had the skeleton leg in her mouth.

"Right now? Probably more. Just be glad there are no dangerous viruses going on."

"Oh, but I just saw one walking down the street," I commented dryly, thinking of the person dressed as a giant virus.

"That was a failed replica of the Corona virus, and if it was active today, he would have made everybody he passed on his way sick."

"Really?" I said sceptically.

"That virus started a terrible pandemic that killed..."

"Geeksy, please. Not now."

"But I'm just..."

"Trying to give me a migraine? Congratulations! You succeed. And don't you dare start verbally dissecting my brain to explain how a migraine works, because I know enough to know this: It. Hurts."

Geeksy looked bored for a moment before he found something else to talk about.

"Speaking of teeth..."

"When did we speak about teeth?"

"The beaver?"

"What beaver? It better not be mine."

Geeksy frowned.

"Do you have a beaver?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temples.