Selcouth [G.W]

Chapter 35

Trigger warning!

* Detailed mention of suicide.

Early Monday morning of October, 19th. 1995

Thanatophobia(n.)- The phobia of losing someone you love.

Draco's P.O.V

A scream.

A Sleep invading, heart-racing scream.

I shoot up from my bed, my chest rising and falling at rapid speed as my eyes dart across my darkroom.

The scream came to a halt causing silence to comfort my room again but it was too late.

I was up... and now needed to pee. Great.

A scoff leaves my lips as I pull the covers from my body and feel the cold air hit my bare chest.

I stood up and blindly walked to my bathroom, being too lazy to cut on my lamp. I didn't want to lose my sleepiness.

I contemplate cutting on my bathroom light in the bathroom but end up cutting it on and instantly regretting it.

The light hits my eyes at a burning speed making me wince and use my hand to cover the light, "for fucks sake" I mutter.

After adjusting to the light I quickly pee and wash my hands.

Walking out the bathroom I glance at my clock on the nightstand and roll my eyes once I see that it's nearing 5 am.

Honestly, fuck whoever woke me up. I had just fallen asleep a mere hour ago. I just came back from my daily morning run and to say I was tired is an understatement.

I'm always tired so it's nothing new.

I walk over to my dresser and snag my flask from in front of it taking a nice swig praying that'll help me go to sleep faster.

I knew it would be for nothing though because I would only wake back up 2 hours later to get ready for class and wake Millie up.

So to say I'm upset for someone waking me up would be an understatement.

In a fucked up way I envy the people who have regular lives. No responsibilities, not a care in the world about anyone besides themselves. I bet their parents accept them for who they are no matter what.

The concept seems so taboo to me. The act of giving unconditional love and wanting nothing in return. Don't get me wrong I've experienced love- motherly love at least and I know she loves me in her own fucked up way.

I also know that even her love is conditional and comes with requirements not made by her but my father. She's an extension of my father, a reward that is given to me for my good behavior.

If I fuck up she will always stand beside my father actively avoiding eye contact with me, because she is always Luscious Malfoys wife and only sometimes my mother.

I have to earn her love and the title to be called their son.

It takes so much out of me.

... I always have so much to do.

Staying in shape.

Running before classes, during lunch, and before bed.

Being top in the class.

Cheating on a test.

Late night studying with millie.

Adderall to stay awake in the extra courses my father signed me up for.